We’re back after the parliamentary recess and positively brimming with news, so let’s jump right in.

Tony Blair, Fare Dodger

Former president Tony Blair has been caught on the Heathrow Express without a ticket. He was, as the First Post puts it, “doing a Queen” and travelling with no cash or cards, but had forgotten the £24.50 pocket ticket money that an aide had given him.

Heathrow Express said that even former prime ministers - including Blair, who opened the £550m Heathrow Express service in 1998 - must pay for the train service. “Our policy is that everyone pays regardless of who they are.”

So, of course, the ticket inspector waived the fare and let the cash-strapped former PM travel for free.

Cheerio!

David Cameron whipped out one of the most awful puns ever committed to Hansard this week. Read more »

Yesterday, Mark previewed Brian Paddick’s election broadcast. While that’s on air this evening in London, the rest of England and Wales will be treated to our election broadcast for the local elections taking place across the country.

Also focusing on crime, and our strong record on tackling crime in local government, this one is fronted by party leader Nick Clegg:

Update: A subtitled version is also available.

There’s snow outside and protesters on the streets, which must mean that it’s time for Something for the Weekend. I have a cold, so apologies for any typos.

Carrying the Something for the Weekend torch today: baggage handlers; overage drinkers; the Egg McMuffin man; taxpayers’ money; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for me. From the beginning of the new financial year, which is today, I get a small income tax cut. Thanks, Gordon. The biggest winners, though, are those earning around £35k.

It’s been a less good week for those earning under around £18,000, who will see the amount of tax they pay go up in order to fund the tax cuts of people who earn much more. See, Labour do believe in redistribution - just not in the traditional direction…

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Dreary weather outside: check. Nice cup of tea and some biscuits: check. ABBA: The Definitive Collection on random shuffle: check. Then let’s rock and roll.

Loading up on the Something for the Weekend DVD player today: Norman Baker gets musical; MPs bring the pork home; flippertygibbets; a couple of bears; and more!

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Welcome to Something for the Weekend, which this week comes to you live from Production Office 1 in the Artists’ Village, deep in the heart of Liverpool’s new Arena and Conference Centre.

On the Something for the Weekend speakers’ podium today: bikinis; a liberal singalong; the steam pipe trunk distribution venue; and more!

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Welcome to this week’s fun-packed Something for the Weekend, looking back over the last week from a Liberal Democrat perspective with a squint glint in our eye.

Storming out of the Something for the Weekend chamber today: two by-elections in Louth; more from HMRC; witches, prostitutes and charlatans; and more!

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Hello from Llandudno, North Wales, where you find me wi-fi-ing away in Venue Cymru, the conference centre currently hosting the Welsh Liberal Democrats’ spring conference.

Rare bits in today’s innuendo-packed Something for the Weekend from Wales: Jenny Willott’s future; David Steel’s past; Nick Clegg’s tongue; Vince Cable’s underwear; and more!

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Nick Clegg used his Political Slot on Channel 4 last night to discuss his opposition to the Government’s identity cards and database.

If you missed it, you can watch it right here via the Liberal Democrats’ YouTube account:

As the Police seem to have forgotten the Wilson doctrine recently, I’ve decided to overlook the Monkhouse doctrine which bans bugging of comedians. As a result, all of the humour in this week’s Something for the Weekend was stolen from Joe Pasquale’s latest script meeting. As a result, this week’s Something for the Weekend is not funny.

In the Something for the Weekend serious selection box today: Nick Clegg gets international; Bigfoot gets interplanetary; Boris Johnson gets fingered; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for fans of Afflecks Palace in the centre of Manchester, whose future seems to have been secured. The lease on the shopping emporium was due to expire later this year, but new landlords Bruntwood have struck a deal to keep it trading, according to the Beeb:

In a joint statement, Bruntwood and Afflecks’ management team said: “After 26 years of trading, Afflecks management has sold their company to Bruntwood in an agreement that protects the future of Afflecks.

“Bruntwood will manage Afflecks while they look for a new owner.”

A Bruntwood spokesman added: “Never in our 30-year history have we bought one of our customer’s businesses but Afflecks is a Manchester icon that we wanted to protect.

“We aren’t however expert in managing markets, so will look for a suitable long-term owner.”

» Bad Week

It’s been a bad week for “Oven” Mitt Romney, who has abandoned his bid for the White House. In a relatively poor showing on Super Tuesday, he lost out in particular to frontrunner Senator John “Oven Chip” McCain. Arkansas Governor Mike “Fire and Brimstone” Huckabee remains in the race.

Pop fact: Mitt Romney’s father George launched his own presidential campaign in 1967. He didn’t win.

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I was planning to pay my son thousands of pounds of public money to write this week’s Something for the Weekend for me. Unfortunately, he didn’t do any of the work. And then I remembered that I don’t have a son. Or access to thousands of pounds of public money. So I done it all myself.

In the Something for the Weekend swag bag today: Boris overlooks 32 small things; Ken asks the questions; Derek says sorry; another cheap Peter Hain gag; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for those like me who hate “credit-squashing” on TV shows. The BBC has followed ITV by shrinking programme credits into the corner of the screen so that it can plug other programmes. But the credits are so small as to be illegible, which defeats the point of showing them at all.

The good news is that the BBC said yesterday that it would review the situation following complaints from viewers that the names of cast and crew members are now too small to read.

Tiny credits join irritating and entirely redundant on-screen channel logos in my list of modern TV annoyances.

» Bad Week

Derek Conway MP hasn’t had the best week. First he was suspended from the Commons and ordered to return thousands of pounds of public money paid to his younger son; then payments to his elder son were brought into question; Dave Cameron flip-flopped and, having said Conway had been punished enough, decided a day later to withdraw the Tory whip; Conway faces a possible police investigation; and he’s had to announce that he’ll stand down at the next general election. But he can at least look forward to take £60k a year of taxpayers’ money until then.

The BBC reports a Westminster Village gag:

Derek Conway has announced he’s going to stand down as a MP in order to spend more time with his staff.

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Welcome to January’s final Something for the Weekend, which comes this week from a kebab shop in Peckham. Fortunately it has wi-fi. And is hypothetical.

In the Something for the Weekend closet today: the smell of Barack Obama; the fetishes of a Labour MP; the women playing with balls; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for the Prince Muhammad bin Fahd University’s female football team. They won a rare inter-college women’s football match in Saudi Arabia on penalties in front of a large female-only crowd in the university’s stadium.

According to Alarabiya.net:

The match is the biggest such event hosted by Prince Muhammad bin Fahd University and the first ever to see the home team playing against another team from Riyadh. The University has introduced women football some 18 months ago.

Suggestions that 16 of those 18 months were spent explaining the off-side rule are not to be entertained.

» Bad Week

Before we pick this week’s poor soul, it’s only right we spare a thought for the man who graced this section just two weeks ago. Yes, Peter Hain has shuffled off to spend more time with his lawyers, and has been replaced as Secretary of State for Work and Pensioners by James Purnell, whom you may remember from such blogs as this one. (James Purnell’s reaction to his promotion? Speechless.)

Tempting thought it is to give Mr Hain a second starring role, I’m going to risk reprisals from her minder to declare Home Secretary Jacqui Smith this week’s unfortunate. When she isn’t sneaking off to Peckham with her bodyguard for a (donor?) kebab at teatime or labelling a large chunk of the population as not-we, she’s trying to justify bad laws by inventing new words:

It won’t be hypothetical if and when it occurs. We are not legislating now on the basis that we are bringing it in now for something that might happen in the future; we are bringing it in now for something that might happen in the future; we are bringing in a position for if it becomes unhypothetical.

Another one for the New Labour Doublespeak Dictionary.

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Something for the Weekend comes this week from my secret bunker, where I’m hiding from Lord Rennard.

A group of Lib Dem colleagues and friends went on a birthday trip clay pigeon shooting yesterday where I broke the cardinal rule of office politics: don’t beat the boss. And saying Chris Rennard is a little bit competitive is like saying David Cameron is a little bit posh or Peter Hain is a little bit orange. Last I heard, the chief exec was enquiring whether duelling is allowed in the House of Lords.

Freshly shot for Something for the Weekend today: David Heath gets photographed; Hasbro gets 11 points, or 33 on a triple word score; Jack Straw gets Sarkasm; and more!

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Recess is over, Parliament has returned from its Christmas break, and so has Something for the Weekend. Thank goodness it’s Saturday. You find me relaxing on a beach, sipping a mojito and catching some rays. And not in Cowley Street, oh no.

In the Something for the Weekend goody bag today: we reveal the secret of Hillary Clinton’s problems in Iowa; we discover Yorkshire England Area; a plethora of chickens; and more!

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In the words of the legendary Noddy Holder, IT’S CHRISTMAS!!!

I love everything about this time of year: angels playing in the snow, logs atop the Christmas tree, kids on the fire. And everyone struck down with wintry viruses.

Still, it’s Saturday so I’ve dragged my flu-ravaged self from my sickbed to bring you 2007’s penultimate Something for the Weekend.

Under the tree today: Christmas comes early for Nick Clegg; Christmas comes too late for Queen Victoria; Santa breaks the news that Steve Webb doesn’t exist; and more!

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It’s Saturday, it’s Lib Dem Voice, it’s Crackerjack Something for the Weekend!

We’re edging closer to Christmas, the weather’s getting colder and the inter-office Cowley Street decorations competition is hotting up. Fingers crossed that the Campaigns Department doesn’t burn down in a faulty fairy light induced fireball.

In the Something for the Weekend grotto today: David Cameron flees the country; Iain Dale moves in next door; Vince Cable meets Santa; and more!

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Welcome, one and all, to our second helping of weekend cheer free from any mention of you-know-what, as the race between you-know-who and you-know-who nears its end.

In this week’s bulging package: an impermissible donation for the Tories; some good news for Alistar Darling; why Mark Pack could be moving to Stockton; and more!

Read more »

In the last of the five video questions put to Nick Clegg and Chris Huhne, the candidates were asked what they would do as Party Leader to raise the profile of the Liberal Democrats.

There are subtitled versions of all the candidates’ answers on the Liberal Democrats’ Overstream page.

(Previous questions: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.)

Ah, Christmas time. The cheer. The mince pies. The gifts. The snow.

Not so happy a time for Labour: The scandals. The political turkeys. The dodgy donations. The rain.

Gordon Brown must be looking forward to having some time off, putting his feet up in front of the fire (let’s not wonder which documents he might like to use as tinder), and trying not to think about where it all went wrong. If he needs a reminder, though, we’re here to help.

What better way to keep track of Labour’s problems at this time of year than with an Advent Calendar? (Yes, we know it’s the 6th already - shush at the back.)

So we present, as a seasonal gift to you all:

The Labour Party Christmas Cheer Advent Calendar

The penultimate question put to the leadership candidates as part of the party’s YouTube hustings was from Stuart Weir from the University of Essex. He asked about social justice and for the candidates’ views on economic, social, environmental and cultural rights.

(Previous questions: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.)

The third of the five video questions put to Mr Clegg and Mr Huhne asked about how the candidates would improve the involvement of fathers in the lives of their children. Here are the question and their answers, which both touch on the candidates’ own experiences as fathers.

If you’d like to watch subtitled versions of the answers to these and the previous questions, please visit the party’s Overstream profile.

(Previous questions: Monday, Tuesday.)