The sound you can hear at the beginning is hail – much better to be inside spouting a load of old nonsense for you than being pelted with ice. So make yourself a cup of tea and watch away…

Watch the featured videos in full:

• Time for Some Campaignin’
• Yes We Can
• I Got a Crush…On Obama
• Dear Mr. Obama
• Unbelievable McCain Vs. Obama Dance-Off
• Synchronized Presidential Debating
• Politico.com’s 10 worst ads of the season
• McCain: “My Fellow Prisoners”
• Late Show – John McCain: Thinking On His Feet
• Palin
• Sarah Palin, Tina Fey on SNL
• Putin vs Estonian journalist (rus)
• Sarah Palin Tina Fey Katie Couric
• Palin Can’t Name One Newspaper Or Magazine She Reads
• CBS – Sarah Palin On Foreign Policy
• Palin Thinks New Hampshire is in the Northwest— And is Booed

A well-informed comment on my blog directed me to the excitingly-named statutory instrument SI 2008/1647 – also known as The European Parliament (House of Lords Disqualification) Regulations 2008. These bar MEPs elected from 2009 onwards who are also members of the House of Lords from sitting or voting in the upper house while an MEP.

The slight concern that ministerial regulations can determine who sits in our legislature aside, this is good news for Baroness Ludford. Assuming the European Parliament have agreed that these regulations do the job, Sarah (if re-elected, of course) will be able to continue to sit in the European Parliament and return to the House of Lords when her term of office in Europe ends.

I’ll be interested to see whether the Government makes, or has made, similar regulations for European Commissioners.

Its themes link in with Nick’s conference speech: listening to people and tackling the economic pressures households are now under. Here it is:

And here, in full, is Nick Clegg’s Q&A session, chaired by Steve Richards of The Independent:

First off, David Laws, in a video AOL wouldn’t let me upload unless I took the word “children” out of the description:

Second is the new leader of the Scottish Liberal Democrats Tavish Scott MSP:

(You can also read Alix’s coverage of the speech from yesterday afternoon.)

You can read the text of the speech on the party website.

As the judges finalise the winners of the Liberal Democrats/Liberal Democrat Voice Blog of the Year Awards^TM, I thought I’d take the opportunity for one final shameless plug of the awards ceremony. It’s in Old Harry’s Bar at the Highcliff Marriott Hotel on Saturday night from 9.45pm. Do come along if you’re in Bournemouth, meet Liberal Democrat bloggers and help us celebrate some excellent blogs.

Big thanks to our sponsors, ALDC and the LGA Liberal Democrats Group. Because of their generosity, we’re able to provide some free refreshments on arrival (although there’ll also be a cash bar if those don’t quench your thirst). ALDC/LGA sponsorship is particularly fitting given the number of local councillors who have been shortlisted (and the even larger number nominated) for awards this year.

Hope to see you in Bournemouth!

The shortlists do, of course, represent the subjective opinions of the judges, so congratulations if you’ve been shortlisted but don’t worry if you haven’t – as always, the standards were high and there were tough decisions to make. The awards are a bit of fun that we hope will highlight some of the best examples of Liberal Democrat blogging and introduce you to some blogs you might not have read before.

I know you’re on tenterhooks, but assuming you haven’t skipped this bit already I have three announcements before we proceed.

The first is a reminder that the winner of the Best non-Liberal Democrat politics blog category will be decided by a public vote here on Liberal Democrat Voice, so please have a read of the nominated blogs and then head on over to the sidebar or to the bottom of this post to cast your vote.

Secondly, a plug for the awards ceremony itself. If you’re coming to party conference in Bournemouth, do head along to Old Harry’s Bar in the Marriott Highcliff Hotel from 9.45pm on Saturday. They’ll be refreshments on arrival (thanks to soon-to-be-announced sponsors), so come early!

Finally, I’m very pleased to announce that, with the kind agreement of Tim’s widow, Baroness Garden, the award for the best blog by a Liberal Democrat holding public office will from now on be known as The Tim Garden Award, in honour of Lord Garden, a blogger for many years, who died last year.

Without further ado, here are the shortlists.

Best new Liberal Democrat blog (started since 1st August 2007)
Always win when you’re singing
Because Baronesses are people too
Councillor Neil Harrison’s Cotham Blog
Diana Smith
Owen Temple
The People’s Republic of Mortimer

Best use of blogging or social networking by a Liberal Democrat
Duncan Hames on Twitter
Baroness Ros Scott’s campaign for party president
Steve Webb on Facebook
Millennium Elephant’s bloggers’ interviews with prominent Liberal Democrats

The Tim Garden Award (for the best blog by a Liberal Democrat holding public office)
Because Baronesses are people too
Brian Robson – Lee Green Councillor
Eaten by missionaries
Mary Reid’s blog
Peter Black AM
Richard Baum

Best non-Liberal Democrat politics blog
Bad Science
Comment is Free
Dizzy Thinks
London: Mayor and More
Political Betting

Best posting on a Liberal Democrat blog (since 1st September 2007)
BNP debate at the Oxford Union: an eyewitness account (Hug a Hoodie)
Day 2744: Sarky v Mandy (The Very Fluffy Diary of Millennium Dome, Elephant)
Is a lack of evidence enough reason to ban GM crops? (Liberal Polemic)
My inner disugsted colonel (The People’s Republic of Mortimer)
Nasty ‘Nice’ Tories’ Latest: Back to the Workhouse (Love and Liberty)
Positive Discrimination (The Yorksher Gob)

Liberal Democrat Blog of the Year
Dib Lemming
Jock’s Place
Liberal England
Love and Liberty
Neil Stockley
The People’s Republic of Mortimer

Those are the shortlists – find out the winners on Saturday. In the mean time, vote now for the Best non-Liberal Democrat politic blog:

The awards will be presented at a ceremony at party conference in Bournemouth on Saturday 13th September from 9.45pm.

We have retired a few categories from last year and introduced some new ones. This year’s awards are:

• Best new Liberal Democrat blog (started since 1st August 2007)
• Best blog from a Liberal Democrat holding public office
• Best use of blogging or social networking by a Liberal Democrat
• Best posting on a Liberal Democrat blog (since 1st September 2007)
• Best non-Liberal Democrat politics blog
• Liberal Democrat Blog of the Year

The eagle-eyed amongst you will notice the different cut-off dates for best new blog and best posting. We felt that a new blog might need time to be recognised, so although 31th August was the voting deadline last year, blogs that started in the previous month are eligible for the award.

To be eligible for “Best blog from a Liberal Democrat holding public office”, a blog should be written by a councillor, elected mayor, assembly member, or parliamentarian.

The new “Best use of blogging or social networking” recognises the expanding role of both blogging and the likes of Facebook, Twitter microblogging and YouTube in politics. It’s a deliberately open category: you might want to nominate a good campaigning YouTube video, or a particularly interesting Twitter feed.

The “Best non-Liberal Democrat politics blog” winner will be chosen by you, dear reader (should you choose to take part). Once the judges have chosen their shortlist, these blogs will be put up for public vote here on Liberal Democrat Voice.

The judging panel of nine is still being finalised, but I can tell you which judges have blogs so that you can avoid nominating them, as they’re not eligible to win. Blogging judges are Ryan Cullen (of Hapless Band of Staff and Regulars and Lib Dem Blogs), Lynne Featherstone, James Graham, me, Sunny Hundal, and Stephen Tall. Liberal Democrat Voice and any official party blogs (such as Corruption is a Crime) aren’t eligible either.

You’ve got until 31st August to nominate your favourites, but the sooner the better (and you can send more than one set if you’d like). Please don’t feel the need to round up hundreds of people to nominate your blog as the number of nominations aren’t taken into account. You can send in your nominations by email to

Boris wants your lack of expertise

Boris Johnson’s stock is falling, but you can help him out by submitting your design for the new Routemaster bus. This, you’ll remember, is Boris’s popular but expensive and largely pointless project to turn the clock back to the imaginary golden age of the 1950s.

Through the meduim of an exciting-looking website, Mayor Boris invites you to submit your “fun ideas for a future bus design”. In case you’re worried that you know nothing about the subject, the site is ready to reassure you: “No expertise required!”

Good fun though a competition sounds, with a top prize of £25,000 (of taxpayers’ money?), I can’t help wondering if actually getting someone with some expertise might have been a better long-term plan.

In case any of you are thinking of entering, I should warn you that you’ll be up against some stiff competition from yours truly:

I’m afraid Tfl can’t return your drawings.

Meanwhile, in the London Assembly…

Apologies to readers everywhere else, but it’s not time to leave London just yet.

Hampstead and Kilburn PPC Ed Fordham went along this week to see Assembly members put questions on crime and policing to Deputy Mayor Kit Malthouse. With the issue of the estates strategy – and the closure of Hampstead police station – on the agenda, Ed was shocked to see his Assembly Member Brian Coleman (he of the bling and the expenses) leave the room when this was discussed.

As a picture paints a thousand words, Ed captured the moment by photographing Mr Coleman’s empty chair. You can see the photos and read more on his blog.

In the news

The White House has apologised for inadvertently briefing the press that Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi is a political “amateur”, “hated by many” and “one of the most controversial leaders” of a country “known for governmental corruption and vice”. The gaffe came in a briefing kit provided to reporters travelling with George W to the G8 summit. The comments had been cribbed from the Encyclopedia of World Biography.

The BBC’s “Rabbit ripper shocks Germany” tells how 30 pet rabbits in Witten and Dortmund have been killed in the last year in a bizarre and perverse outbreak of animal cruelty.

Top made-up news of the week: Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is ‘Totally Badass’.

Meanwhile, in Glasgow…

The SSP candidate in the Glasgow East by-election has been getting a hostile reception from some voters – because they’ve mistaken her for the Labour candidate. Scottish Socialist Frances Curran shares her surname with Labour candidate Margaret Curran.

Bizarrely, the man running the election has ruled that his staff aren’t allowed to tell confused voters which is which.

Fortunately, the Liberal Democrat candidate, Ian Robertson, won’t be confused with either of them.

Link dump

If you’re at a loose end this weekend, here are some links to pass the time:

• She Went of Her Own Accord is a collection (to which you can contribute) of “My mother-in-law’s emigrated to the West Indies”/”Jamaica?”/”No, she went of her own accord” style jokes.
• Show Us a Better Way is a Government project encouraging useful suggestions for putting Government data to work
• Vote for which Revel you’d like to see ditched with Revels Eviction (it’s the chewy caramel one for me, but coffee was well in the lead when I cast my vote)

And here’s a useful site you can use to check if a website is down or whether it’s just your internet connection: downforeveryoneorjustme.com

Civil services

Civil partnerships have been all over the news like a sexually-transmitted rash this week.

An Islington registrar who refused to conduct civil partnership ceremonies because of her religion (a rather absurd stance given that civil partnerships are by definition civil and not religious) won an employment tribunal case. The tribunal seems to have ruled that she had been harassed at work for her beliefs rather than backing her right not to conduct the ceremonies, although it’s not immediately clear what the wider implications of the ruling will be. A counter-boycott of gay registrars refusing to marry Christians is not currently expected.

The Earl of Devon has lost his licence to hold weddings at his Powderham Castle home after he turned down a gay couple who wanted to have their civil partnership ceremony there. Devon County Council ruled that discriminating against gay couples wasn’t compatible with being a licensed location for weddings and civil partnerships. The lucky old Earl has, however, seen an upturn in bookings for receptions since the publicity.

Liz Williams has drawn attention via her singing my song LiveJournal to the Labour Government’s involvement in an Austrian case at the European Court of Human Rights. Liberal Democrat peer Lord Lester asked the Government why they were “intervening … to contend that same-sex relationships fall outside the ambit of family life for the purposes of Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights.” Lord Hunt’s reply and Lord Lester’s reponse are available via TheyWorkForYou.

Headline of the week

Porn appears on rugby programme

Sometimes crime does pay

The Public Accounts Committee of the House of Commons has discovered that the Department for Work and Pensions paid £3 million in benefits to criminals in prison in the year to September 2006.

Social security payments are supposed to be stopped when someone is convicted and given a custodial sentence. The Government says it has since introduced weekly checks to cut benefit fraud in prisons.

That looks familiar…

Thanks to Islington South & Finsbury PPC Bridget Fox, who dropped us a line about her company’s logo for its new Global Employee Recognition Scheme. She thought it seemed strangely familiar and it certainly rings a bell, but I can’t quite put my finger on it… Decide for yourselves:

Facebook groups of the week

Well-endowed campaigners want to see an end to Marks & Spencers’ surcharge for larger bras. You can join their campaign, should you wish, at Busts 4 Justice.

A pre-emptive strike on registrars who want to discriminate: Registrars should perform their public duty on civil partnerships or resign.

If you like to be on the cutting edge of hand-drying technology, you’ll almost certainly want to me a member of Dyson Airblade Appreciation Society.

And finally

A letter from God:

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If you see Doug, tell him

Labour MP Doug Henderson wants your views – if you’re one of his constituents in Newcastle North.

His household survey is a mix of leading questions (“Should tougher penalties be imposed on those who deal in drugs, blighting our communities and inflicting misery on individuals?”) and absent proofreading (I know, I can talk).

The pièce de resistance, though, is question 6, which I present for your delectation:

Meanwhile, in Tyne Bridge…

Doug’s local Labour colleague David Clelland, the MP for Tyne Bridge, also takes an unorthodox approach to dealing with his constituents’ voting intentions.

In a textbook example of the drawbacks of the safe seats producted by the first-past-the-post electoral system, 23-year MP Mr Clelland responded to criticism from a constituent thus:

I accept your offer not to vote for me again [...] I do not want your vote so you can stick [it] wherever best pleases you.

The constituent in question, IT salesman Gary Scott (who was around four years old when David Clelland became an MP), had written a letter to Mr Clelland complaining that he was supporting an out-of-touch and authoritarian government.

You can read the full exchange on Paul Walter’s blog.

Book him, Dannie

Wales’s culture minister Rhodri Glyn Thomas took a leaf out of Terry Wogan’s book this week when he announced the wrong winner of the Wales Book of the Year award – before announcing the correct winner, 84-year-old writer and poet Dannie Abse, for his memoir The Presence.

Another gong for Vince

While we’re on the subject of awards, congratulations to our Shadow Chancellor and Deputy Leader Vince Cable who was recognised again this week for his sterling work. He was named Politician of the Year on Thursday at the Public Affairs News Awards.

As the citation says:

Vince has firmly established himself as a credible and authoritative voice on all Treasury-related issues. He deftly used his temporary leadership of the Liberal Democrats and his subsequently increased profile to hold the government to account over the Northern Rock crisis, and was the first to champion nationalization of the bank when even the Treasury refused to countenance such a move.

(Hat-tip.)

It’s official: Pringles aren’t crisps

Not for the first time, this column finds itself on the subject of Pringles, the tube-based potato snack. But they’re not crisps, according to the High Court.

In a ruling that echoes Marks & Spencer’s 12-year battle with Revenue & Customs over the VAT status of chocolate-covered teacakes, the court said Pringles can be sold tax-free because they do not contain enough potato.

I could speculate on why the tax system prefers snacks with less potato in, but let’s not open that tube of worms. Once you pop… (Sorry.)

Restaurant of the week

The menu for Willesden’s premier Bulgarian takeaway restaurant has photos of the meals rather than descriptions. And it’s called Crazy Cock.

Yes, this item was childish. Sorry again.

Focus on John Pugh

A reader has been in touch to draw our collective attentions to this particular testosterone-laden 2006 press release from Southport MP John Pugh:

A&E: MP PROMISES GUERILLA WAR

John Pugh is promising guerilla war until the option floated by management consultants of moving A&E out of Southport is taken off the table and put out with the trash.
[...]
“I will be knocking on every door I need to and already have achieved a high degree of co-operation”.

Our correspondent adds: “Looking through his website today I am rather taken by the inappropriately named Pugh Tube.”

(You can contribute by emailing us at )

How do you confuse an idiot?

Find out here.

Beam me up, Huhne

Old domain names don’t die, they just get new owners. Readers wanting to track down some Star Trek memorabilia on eBay (and even I pity you) can, as a result, do so at chris2win.org – previously home of two party leadership campaigns.

Headline of the week

Bush Stimulates The Porn Industry With His Economic Package:

When President Bush announced his economic stimulus in January, he bragged that his package was the “right size” and would “boost” the economy. [...] It sure has led to “higher consumer spending,” but not where Bush had probably hoped. The adult pornography industry reports that has seen a huge uptick in business thanks to Bush’s package.

(Hat-tip.)

Westminster Abbey Road

As part of Liverpool’s Beatles Day celebration, Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling, David “Dave” Cameron and Nick Clegg were asked to reveal their favourite Beatles songs.

Gordon picked All My Loving, Darling opted for Strawberry Fields, and Dave chose The Long and Winding Road.

Nick’s favourite is A Day in the Life: “Even after all this time, it still sounds innovative and radical.”

Website of the week

Have you recently visited a friend of family member in prison? Then don’t forget to Rate Your Prison.

When search and replace goes wrong

There is, apparently, a tendency for right-wing websites in the United States to use automated word replacement to ensure that their preferred use of language holds sway. The Carpetbagger Report explains:

Some far-right sites that subscribe to the Associated Press feed, for example, will use auto-correct to change “Democratic Party” to “Democrat Party.” This, of course, is because they have the temperament of children.

But the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow website takes the phenomenon one step further with its AP articles. The far-right fundamentalist group replaces the word “gay” in the articles with the word “homosexual.” I’m not entirely sure why, but it seems to make the AFA happy. The group is, after all, pretty far out there.

This backfired gloriously when the website carried a report about an American 100m sprinter by the name of Tyson Gay, resulting in the headline “Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic trials.”

There’s a screengrab and more at Right Wing Watch.

Facebook groups of the week

Campaigns & Elections magazine and Ian Robertson for Glasgow East are both fairly self-explanatory.

Long-time readers of my blog (and others too) will recall the Jerry Springer: The Opera controversy back in 2005. After the show was aired on BBC Two (although not in reaction to its previous, lengthy West End run), the odious Stephen Green of the so-called Christian Voice group tried to launch a private prosecution against the BBC’s Mark Thompson and Jonathan Thoday of production company Avalon.

Mr Green failed, but while apparently all for the idea of court-determined justice when he thought he had a chance of victory, now that costs have been awarded against him and he faces bankruptcy, he’s changed his tune.

He’s launched a petition calling for the costs to be waived by Mr Thompson and Mr Thoday. (Mr Thoday, incidentally, lost £500,000 when Christian Voice sabotaged a nationwide tour of the show. Mr Green thinks this is a reason why he shouldn’t have to pay.)

All of this is by way of promotion of a counter-petition demanding that Mr Green pay up – and here, therefore, is the Facebook group Petition to make Stephen Green pay Springer costs.

And finally

This.

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Beanz Meanz Bigotz

Heinz have got themselves lots of free publicity this week by first releasing and then withdrawing this ad:

So the controversy surrounds the footage of a man kissing a man – or, rather, a man kissing a woman played by another man. 207 outraged idiots complained to the Advertising Standards Authority, under the impression that if their kids saw the ad they’d have to explain homosexuality to them. Perhaps they should ask their kids to explain the ad to them as they’d clearly missed the point.

Heinz now face the embarrassment (aka more publicity) of more people complaining about their pulling of the ad than complained about it in the first place. In their attempt to avoid losing business from a minority of vocal homophobes, the food giant risks losing the custom of, well, people with brains.

Hurrah for the tenacious Nick Clegg for writing to Heinz thusly:

The decision to withdraw it has not only offended many gay, lesbian, transgender – and straight – people, it also represents a backward step in attempts to combat homophobia in Britain today, not to mention a collective loss of humour.

I am asking you to reverse this decision and reinstate the advert.

(The Daily Mash reports: Television to be controlled by 200 latent homosexuals)

They should have been more discreet

Kissing on TV is, of course, a very good way for gay men to draw attention to themselves – so exactly the kind of thing the Home Secretary helpfully recommends to those in Iran.

Responding to a letter from our own Lord Roberts of Llandudno, who has called for a moratorium on deportations to Iran for all who fear execution, Jacqui Smith dismissed the idea that sexuality alone was an issue:

With particular regard to Iran, current case law handed down by the Asylum and Immigration Tribunal concludes that the evidence does not show a real risk of discovery of, or adverse action against, gay and lesbian people who are discreet about their sexual orientation.

Perhaps if Jacqui Smith was more discreet about everything she says, we’d all have a higher opinion of her.

Meanwhile, in Italy…

Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi’s cabinet has declared high offices of state, including, of course, the Prime Minister, as immune from prosecution:

Another law aims to suspend for a year trials relating to a range of alleged financial crimes committed before June 2002, potentially derailing a bribery case against Berlusconi, as has happened so many times before.

Meanwhile, Berlusconi’s government is pressing ahead with draconian controls over one of the examining judges’ main tools of investigation, wiretapping, and over leaks of wiretaps to the press.

Yes, ironic that the Italian people will be made freer from state snooping at the same time as we argue to use it in court here. Not, though, for the most high-minded of motives:

A magazine, l’Espresso, last week published a highly comic package of wiretaps in which not only Berlusconi himself but some of his closest aides and opposition leaders apparently pressurise state television executives to cast parts for their favourite actresses.

The Guardian has the details.

Fact of the week

The International Systems of Units is a metric system of measurement used across the world.

Only three countries haven’t adopted the SI system as their official system of measurement: Liberia, Burma, and the United States.

Haltemprice and Howden update

There are 26 candidates standing in the Haltemprice and Howden comedy by-election, which sounds like it should be a record. (Anders Hanson spotted the unusual comment form on a related BBC news story.)

A candidate must receive at least 5% of the vote to retain their deposit. Mathematics alone dictates that at least six candidates will forfeit their £500.

And here are some facts on deposits. The Conservatives lost the most deposits of the three main parties in the 2005 general election, costing them a total of £2,500. The Green Party spent £81,500 in lost deposits alone. UKIP lost £229,000. The total forfeited was £693,000.

Meanwhile, in Henley…

There were only a small number of counting agents from each party allowed to attend the Henley by-election count. The Liberal Democrats proved why it’s worth having good relationships with the minor parties’ candidates as a number of Stephen Kearney’s campaign team attended on behalf of other parties. Rumour has it that in Ealing the party’s Chief Executive was a counting agent for the Official Monster Raving Loony Party.

But before you can count, there’s knocking up. A constituency with a lot of countryside and more than its share of wealth, Henley has some long drives, and in the rush of polling day the activist must consider the cost/benefit ratio of a lengthy and potentially fruitless walk.

One knocker-upper decided she should move on to the next voter when confronted at the entrace to an estate with a sign that read: “Call gamekeeper for access.”

Muslim separatist rebel group of the week

The Moro Islamic Liberation Front. Or MILF.

In other news

I mentioned a few months ago Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s Chicken Out campaign for better conditions for poultry. This week he failed to get the backing of Tesco shareholders at the company’s AGM.

Dubai is set to get a “moving” skyscraper which constantly changes shape.

A bizarre row about discrimination has broken out in Sweden after a boy left two classmates off his birthday party invite list. Political correctness may actually have gone mad.

Ian Usher from Darlington, who now lives in Australia, has sold his “entire life” on eBay for £192,000.

Web site name of the week

Weight loss support site Fat Loser Online. Which I stumbled across as I was browsing for Doctor Who spoilers, obviously…

Which right wing blogger are you?

Find out with Tim Ireland’s not-at-all-bitter quiz. (Apparently I’m Iain Dale, by the way.)

Social networking rant of the week

Top marks to the volunteers behind lowbrow social networking site Faceparty, who snapped this week after being subjected to abuse from many of their dumber users.

They shut the site down and replaced it with a refreshing rant that begun thus:

Facebook groups of the week

NO2ID is the Facebook group of anti-identity card campaign NO2ID.

James McGrath is not a racist attempts to rescue the reputation of Boris Johnson’s ex-sidekick. I mention it because I can’t help thinking it’s not the most sensible group name to have chosen.

Only Connect – New BBC Four quiz – Apply today is advertising for contestants from a new quiz hosted by Victoria Coren. And if you prefer her brother, there’s Giles Coren & Sue Perkins are the funniest double act on TV.

This week’s most self-explanatory group is Boycott Heinz! Until the return of the gay kiss advert.

And finally

For no better reason than I’ve had it in my head all evening, this is Drugstore & Thom Yorke with El President (and apologies to Simon Hughes.)

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There’ll be bluebirds over…

Tory MEP Den Dover has been back in the news again amid claims that he bought two BMWs using parliamentary expenses. He’d already been accused of channelling public money into a company run by his wife and daughter. Fellow Conservative MEP Giles Chichester has also been accused of paying hundreds of thousands of pounds of expenses to a family business.

Most important in this, of course, is that we get more of Den Dover in the news and the chance to hear his great name over and over again.

In the news

Following on from last week’s news about top secret documents being left on a train, annoying minister Hazel Blears has had a computer containing “restricted government information” stolen from her constituency office.

A United airline flight from Salt Lake City to Denver was cancelled after the pilot was left too upset to fly by an argument about his hat.

A hoaxer in British Columbia has been condemned for leaving a severed animal feet to be found in a shoe. The hoax follows a number of human feet found in the area.

An outbreak of teenage pregnancies at a school in Massachusetts has prompted concerns of a “pregnancy pact“.

Jonathan Fryer reports on research suggesting that gay men and straight women have symmetrical brains, which give them a worse sense of direction than straight men and lesbians.

“Poor research” led Swiss TV to include the subtitles of the German national anthem’s obsolete first verse – “Deutschland, Deutschland ueber alles” – during coverage of Germany’s European Championship football match with Austria.

House

A few weeks ago, we reported Wolverhampton MP Rob Marris’s conditional caution for criminal damage. This week saw the annual House Magazine awards in which Mr Marris won the Backbencher of the Year Award – despite arguably not being a backbencher. He beat nominees including David Heath.

Opposition Politician of the Year was Vince Cable, for his “star turn as interim Liberal Democrat leader followed by prescient analysis on Northern Rock.” Also nominated was Dunfermline and West Fife MP Willie Rennie. David Steel was nominated in the Peer of the Year category for his work abroad.

There is a full list of winners on the House Magazine website.

David Davis update

So David Davis is no longer an MP, having taken the Chiltern Hundreds, which means that Chancellor of the Excequer Alistair Darling acceded to Davis’s request for the appointment. Pop fact: the last time a request like this was refused was in 1842. If you’re as fascinated as I am by this, you might like the read the House of Commons Information Office factsheet about the Chiltern Hundreds.

To return to the Commons, Davis will need to ask to be released from his new “office of profit under the Crown” (see the House of Commons Disqualification Act 1975). He’ll also need to win the Haltemprice and Howden by-election of course, which will be tricky: he’ll have to defeat several independent candidates, a Green, a Monster Raving Loony (“Mad Cow-Girl”) and Miss Great Britain, amongst others. A tall order, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Davis’s decision to force the by-election still seems a little strange given his support for 28-day detention – a position which he struggled to justify on Question Time this week when challenged by, of all people, UKIP’s Nigel Farage.

But then, maybe more telling is a quote from one of David Davis’s friends repeated by Fraser Nelson in The Spectator: “It wasn’t 42 days that did for David, but 42 Old Etonians.”

Photo of the week

Via the London Underground Tube Diary, this sign at Bank station:

If you like funny pictures, you may enjoy spending hours browsing FAIL Blog.

Facebook groups of the week

The Facebook Forest sponsored by Ecotopia.co.uk “will plant one tree for every 50 members of this group.”

Slash 42 days to 24 hours from spiked wants to roll back a swathe of authoritarian legislation.

NO TO MONTHLY CHARGE! FACEBOOK SHOULD BE FREE attempts to promote the inaccurate claim that Facebook plan to introduce a £2 monthly charge. I’m mentioning it in order to highlight that it’s not true – despite which, the group has nearly 80,000 members.

LIB DEMS – NO TO TUITION FEES – KEEP IT THAT WAY, although one-sided in name, does have some debate on the Wall, including contributions from our Shadow Innovation, Universities and Skills Secretary Stephen Williams.

And finally, there’s Labyrinth The Musical – THE CAMPAIGN.

Coming up

Nick Clegg will be making a major foreign policy at Chatham House tomorrow, and will also be on the Daily Politics. On Thursday, it’s polling day in Henley and Chris Huhne will be on Question Time on BBC One. Simon Hughes will be on Any Questions? on Radio 4 on Friday.

And finally

OK, pay attention, 007. Here’s viral video in action. Here are two videos. You need to start playing the second one when the countdown clock on the first gets to the 12 o’clock position. I recommend starting them both then pausing and rewinding to give them both a chance to load. (If you want to watch them side by side, as nature intended, go to the first one on YouTube and follow the instructions in the video.)

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The answer to the ultimate question of pre-charge detention

Members of Parliament voted this week to give police the right to lock up terrorist suspects for up to six weeks. There was a distinct smell of pork barrel politics in the air as the nine Democratic Unionist Party MPs voted with Government – turning a potential loss by nine votes in a majority of nine for Gordon Brown. The DUP insisted they voted on principle, but it’s not entirely clear which principle.

One of those DUP MPs was Iris Robinson, who is also a member of the Northern Ireland Assembly and is the wife of First Minister Peter Robinson. She is the chair of Stormont’s health committee, although the victim of a homophobic assault has called for her resignation after she called gay sex “an abomination”.

Robinson condemned the attack but said gay people should seek psychiatric counselling and that gay sex was disgusting, vile and nauseating.

If she finds gay sex disgusting, vile and nauseating, our best advice is that she refrain from taking part.

Sorry, we were supposed to be talking about terrorism, weren’t we?

Who speaks for the Government?

Minister Tony McNulty:

McNulty told BBC television late Tuesday that suspects who are held for 42 days but eventually freed without charge could be paid compensation of 3,000 pounds.

Or Prime Minister Gordon Brown?

Asked if the compensation was going to be £3000 per day, the PMS said that the Home Office had been making clear that those were not numbers that the Government recognised.

(Hat-tip, and also for Millions planning £3000 ‘I’m a terrorist’ scam.)

Strangers on a train

One reason the Government has yet to put forward for internment – sorry, detention without charge – is their own incompetence, but it’s surely only a matter of time. This week, they pulled off a perfect synthesis of Government data loss and Helping The Turrrists as top secret terrorism-related intelligence documents were left on a train. Two reports were lost: one on the security situation in Iraq commissioned by the MoD, and a joint Foreign and Home Office document on al-Qaeda’s activities in Pakistan. A passenger found the files and handed them in to the BBC.

Now, I don’t want to be too judgemental because I’ve left things on trains in the past. A lunchbox. A rucksack. About twelve umbrellas (not simultaneously). But these weren’t secret documents, and it was reasonable for them to be out in public in the first place.

The Metropolitan Police are carrying out an investigation. Into the security breach, not my missing umbrellas.

Quote of the week (1)

From the Telegraph letters page comes this gem about David Davis from Tony Jones of Eastbury in Berkshire:

We will have lost, too, potentially the best Home Secretary since Michael Howard.

Other news in numbers that aren’t 42

5

The number of jurors whose activities caused a drugs trial in Australia to be abandoned.

Lawyers at the trial were impressed with the diligence of the jury, whose members were seen regularly taking notes as evidence was being presented.

But when some jurors were noticed writing vertically rather than horizontally, the truth was revealed: the forewoman and four others were fighting the “boredom” of the trial by playing sudoku puzzles.

A new trial with new jurors will begin in a few weeks.

2

The number of times the letter S appears in the surname of the Presiding Officer of the Scottish Parliament. Except on the front page of the Scottish Parliament website earlier this week. And in places on the Tory MSP’s own website, according to Paul Evans.

This comes with the usual “I shouldn’t mention this because I maintain websites too, but…” proviso.

2 (again)

The number of Miss Great Britain party candidates standing in the Henley by-election, stimulating the Acting Returning Officer:

By far the most exciting moment came when two young ladies from the Miss Great Britain Party presented themselves. As the Miss Great Britain Party is not registered as an official political party we advised them that they would have to stand as independents or with no official party label. You can find out tomorrow what they chose to do. Of course, as Acting Returning Officer, it was important that I asked some probing questions of the candidates, like were either of them really Miss Great Britain? The answer, slightly disappointingly was no, but they were both finalists.

2 (again)

The number of MPs knighted in the Queen’s Birthday Honours List. One of them is the longest-serving Liberal Democrat MP: arise, Sir Alan Beith. Congratulations to him. And now SurAlan can have great fun every time he has to recruit staff by setting candidates a range of irrelevant tasks, criticising them for failture, and dropping them one by one.

Congratulations too to Doctor Who‘s chief writer, Russell T. Davies (or Stephen Russell Davies, as he’s cited), who gets an OBE, and to Gerald Scarfe, the cartoonist responsible for the Yes, (Prime) Minister title sequence amongst other work, who is made a CBE.

We’re told with every honours list that the majority of awards go to “normal” people, so congratulations also on their MBEs to the President of the World Indoor Bowls Council (for services to Bowls in Wales), to Mrs Hawkes, the Housekeeper of the House of Commons, and Mrs Anthony (for services to Music in Guernsey).

The Government hopefully sees the irony of awarding an OBE this week to Roger Smith, the Director of JUSTICE, “for services to Human Rights”. Perhaps Labour have decided that if other organisations are doing the hard work of worrying about human rights, they don’t have to.

2 (again)

The number of timezones covered by the Henley constituency. For more sleep before starting to deliver leaflets on by-election polling day, head to the west of the constituency, where the sun rises an hour later.

Don’t believe me? Best go and see for yourself

0

The number of actual unicorns found in Italy this week.

Quote of the week (2)

The instigator of The War Against Terror was, of course, United States President George W. Bush. With his term of office approaching its conclusion (and the world preparing to breathe a collective sign of relief on January 20th next year if he lets us make it that far), the Commander-in-Chief is thinking of his legacy, and told The Times he is concerned that he may be remembered as a warmonger:

Phrases such as “bring them on” or “dead or alive”, he said, “indicated to people that I was, you know, not a man of peace”.

(Hat-tip.)

Facebook groups of the week

Against 42 Days is a Facebook group for people opposing 42-day detention without charge.

Youngsters may like to join the LIBERAL YOUTH Henley Hit Squad.

The National Staff Dismissal Register should be scrapped is pretty self-explanatory, as is I hate Big Brother – 1,000,000 people needed. I don’t know what they’re planning to do when they find a million people – hopefully all go and live in a very large house where we can all watch twenty-four hours a day. For those who don’t know, Big Brother is a TV show, and basically a voluntary way of being detained without charge for several weeks.

If you didn’t like the cut of Iris Robinson’s gib as reported above, you might join Lets tell Iris Robinson where she can stick it!

Coming up

Protests are expected tomorrow against George W. Bush on his visit to the UK.

Nick Clegg will be spending much of the week campaigning in Henley, and will be joined on Monday by former leaders Paddy Ashdown and Ming Campbell.

It’s the deadline next Saturday for putting your questions on video to Prime Minister Gordon Brown. Ask the PM is hoping to be a YouTube PMQs. Submitted questions are voted on, and the top questions are will be put to the Prime Minister. You can submit a video or vote on other questions on the Downing Street YouTube channel.

And finally

Encapsulating what would be a pleasing result re the Murdoch press in Haltemprice and Howden, this is Level 42′s The Sun Goes Down. Byeeeeee.

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We’re all going on a summer weekend of enforced Britishness

Labour Minister Liam Byrne put his foot in it with the Scots this week, being forced to backtrack before he’d even made the speech he was promoting.

He had floated the idea of turning the August Bank Holiday into the festival of Britishness Fife MP Gordon Brown’s been so keen on – and what could be more Labour than attempting to instil patriotism through centrally-dictated celebration.

But it was quickly pointed out that the August Bank Holiday in England and Wales is at the end of the month while Scotland’s is at the beginning of the month. (The BBC’s clumsy turn of phrase: “the August holiday is on a different date in Scotland to what it is in England and Wales.”)

According to the Beeb, the Minister said he had just been doing what Labour Ministers seem to spend much of their time on: trying to “get the debate started”. And according to theguardian, he believed that a weekend of Britishness would “help frame the progressive case for controlled immigration” – something to which the British population would no doubt love to dedicate a weekend.

MP cautioned for climbing over van

Liam Byrne’s West Midlands Labour colleague Rob Marris, the MP for Wolverhampton South West, has also been in the news this week.

Readers of Colin Ross’s site may recall that Mr Marris – Colin’s MP – had been arrested in April and charged with causing criminal damage after climbing over the bonnet of a parked van to get to a bus.

Mr Marris has now admitted the offence and accepted a conditional caution. My favourite quote is from the CPS’s district prosecutor: “The van was not parked to his liking.”

I’m opening… I’m closing…

Readers up-to-date with all the latest in exciting internet technology and stuff like that will probably already be avid users of Twitter. For those that aren’t, here’s something to make you change your mind: Twitter updates from Tower Bridge.

The sick…

Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd easily wins headline of the week with Vomiting Australian PM blames pie.

His pale appearance at a conference in Sydney last month prompted reports that he might have cardiac trouble.

He said he had been hit by a vomiting bug after watching a rugby match, and blamed a pie he ate.
[...]
On Friday, he told Sydney’s Nova Radio: “We’ve all had to drive the porcelain bus at some stage.”

…and the dead

The inventor of the Pringles tube, Dr Fredric J. Baur, has died aged 89. I promise no contrivances about popping and stopping.

His ashes have been buried, at his request, in a Pringles tube – his “proudest accomplishment”.

Quote of the week

From an episode of The Big Bang Theory, a sitcom about geeks (which, coincidentally, I enjoy): “1234 is not a secure password!”

If only someone had told Grant Shapps.

Blogging the latest by-election

If you’ve not already seen it, I recommend taking a look at the Henley by-election blog which, in a by-election first, the Acting Returning Officer David Buckle and his team are using to explain their vital role in the election and their work in the run up to polling day on June 26th.

In the latest instalment, the writ has arrived.

Surely no-one involved in politics could be geeky?

Speaking of geeks and of blogs, as we were, Liberal Democrat Voice’s own Mark Pack, finding he had some time on his hands, has joined the team of bloggers at PoliGeeks. Mark’s first post is here.

CCTV is everywhere

Courtesy of Popbitch comes perhaps the least appropriate place in Barcelona for a CCTV camera:

Facebook groups of the week

Fans of Jo Grimond may like to join The Jo Grimond Appeciation [sic] Society

BBC Parliament General Election Specials – Weekends Only Please! is campaigning for free wombats at rural Tesco Metros. No, hang on, it’s for General Election specials on BBC Parliament to be shown only at weekends.

And if you’re cynical about political Facebook groups, there’s always Ill-thought out, ill-informed Facebook protest that will achieve nothing.

Coming up

Prime Minister’s Questions is on Wednesday at noon. Our representative on Question Time on BBC One on Thursday is Shirley Williams.

And finally

To play us out, a celebration of British/Englishness (he blurs the distinction) from American nerdcore rap artist MC Lars. I warn you now the sound quality isn’t great. But it is the only song I know that mentions Guildford.

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The by-election’s been and gone
But thoughts of it still linger
A dog behind a letterbox
Has anyone seen my finger?

Saying different things in different places

The Chancellor borrowed £2.7 billion on behalf of the UK as he attempted to convince the people of Crewe and Nantwich to vote Labour. While in London the Government was denying that this was a “by-election bribe”, the party’s own leaflets in Crewe proclaimed candidate Tamsin Dunwoody’s role in securing the tax tweak.

She was challenged on Radio Stoke by someone not impressed by claims that she’d rung up Alistair Darling and talked him into the fiscal fudging. Her response? “You’re only jealous.”

Double-u-double-u-double-u-dot

Here’s a tip, courtesy of Labour’s campaign. If you’re putting a web address on thousands of pieces of literature, on flyers, on posters and on stakeboards across the constituency, it’s only sensible to check that it’s actually correct.

Take a look:

Unfortunately, creweandnantwichlabour.org.uk – without the “www.” at the beginning – is not a live website. Bonus points to Labour for going through the entire campaign without noticing.

It’s nice to be recognised

An MP visiting Crewe and Nantwich to support the campaign was recognised in the street by a local voter. The voter told the MP – who shall remain nameless – that his photograph had been in the picture round of the pub quiz he had taken part in a few days earlier.

“I’m afraid I didn’t know who you were,” the MP was told. “Actually, I still don’t. Sorry.”

One person who would expect to be recognised – beyond Edward Timpson and Elizabeth Shenton, whose faces were on stakeboards across the borough – was Miss Great Britain, the “sexy not sleazy” candidate, flaunting her manifesto on the front cover of Zoo (so I’m told). But despite hoping to poll well (fnarr fnarr), she got roughly half as many votes as the Monster Raving Loony candidate.

Labour activists in the constituency may have preferred not to be recognised. The story goes that a group of comrades from Merseyside were actually chased out of a housing estate by angry residents.

The final word on the by-election comes from Flying Rodent:

“Today marks the beginning of the end for New Labour,” Mr Cameron said. “Britain is tired of Labour’s faceless, bureaucratic, authoritarian government, and the people are recognising the Conservatives’ brand of faceless, bureaucratic authoritarianism as the way forward.”

Meanwhile, in other news…

A tinplate image for Margaret Thatcher has sparked a row after it was installed in the Senedd building in Cardiff. (My south Wales Howellses used to work the tin mines, incidentally.)

Never quite prying enough into our lives to satisfy itself, the Government now wants to know about every phone call we make and email we send. At this rate, we’ll soon have to log each time we speak to a neighbour. If you like the idea of the Government spying on us, I recommend you get yourself a copy of The Lives of Others asap.

Send him a cheque, mate

Earlier today, Liberal Democrat AM Peter Black took on former world chess champion Boris Spassky to raise money for Childline. Spassky simultanously played against 19 other opponents, including comedian Dom Joly.

Peter reports that he lasted 23 moves. You can reward him by helping him reach his fundraising target.

This week’s telefantasy news

Russell Tiberius Davies is leaving Doctor Who to be succeeded for the 2010 series by the marvellous Steven Moffat, who said:

“I applied before but I got knocked back ‘cos the BBC wanted someone else. Also I was seven.”

If you missed last night’s smashing trailer for the remainder of Doctor Who series 4, here’s YouTube to the rescue:

Meanwhile, Star Trek‘s Mr Sulu – who appeared in Heroes opposite former Doctor Christopher Eccleston – is getting married now that California has lifted its ban on gay marriage.

Here endeth the geek slot.

Facebook groups of the week

A couple of pop culture groups this week.

The Divine Teachings of Jim Robinson aka Alan of the Dale honours actor Alan Dale, whose TV credits include Neighbours, The West Wing, Lost, 24, The O.C., and Ugly Betty.

You Can Xanadu It! is a tribute to one of the worst films ever made.

The Facebook House of Commons aims to take everything that’s young and modern about Facebook and supplant it with the musty old traditions of Parliament. At least that’s what the name implies – I haven’t actually checked. What do you want, blood?

Campaign for a state funeral for the “Last Tommy” (WW1 veteran) is one of those groups that does exactly what it says on the tin.

Especially for Laurence Boyce, there’s Friends of the National Secular Society.

But the group of the week must be Liberal Democrats against being enslaved by conformity – get all your friends to join now!

Coming up

No PMQs this week as Parliament is in recess. Our Shadow Health Secretary Norman Lamb will be on Any Questions? on Radio 4 on Friday.

And finally

To play us out, The Jam. Bye bye.

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