The sound you can hear at the beginning is hail – much better to be inside spouting a load of old nonsense for you than being pelted with ice. So make yourself a cup of tea and watch away…

Watch the featured videos in full:

• Time for Some Campaignin’
• Yes We Can
• I Got a Crush…On Obama
• Dear Mr. Obama
• Unbelievable McCain Vs. Obama Dance-Off
• Synchronized Presidential Debating
• Politico.com’s 10 worst ads of the season
• McCain: “My Fellow Prisoners”
• Late Show – John McCain: Thinking On His Feet
• Palin
• Sarah Palin, Tina Fey on SNL
• Putin vs Estonian journalist (rus)
• Sarah Palin Tina Fey Katie Couric
• Palin Can’t Name One Newspaper Or Magazine She Reads
• CBS – Sarah Palin On Foreign Policy
• Palin Thinks New Hampshire is in the Northwest— And is Booed

Boris wants your lack of expertise

Boris Johnson’s stock is falling, but you can help him out by submitting your design for the new Routemaster bus. This, you’ll remember, is Boris’s popular but expensive and largely pointless project to turn the clock back to the imaginary golden age of the 1950s.

Through the meduim of an exciting-looking website, Mayor Boris invites you to submit your “fun ideas for a future bus design”. In case you’re worried that you know nothing about the subject, the site is ready to reassure you: “No expertise required!”

Good fun though a competition sounds, with a top prize of £25,000 (of taxpayers’ money?), I can’t help wondering if actually getting someone with some expertise might have been a better long-term plan.

In case any of you are thinking of entering, I should warn you that you’ll be up against some stiff competition from yours truly:

I’m afraid Tfl can’t return your drawings.

Meanwhile, in the London Assembly…

Apologies to readers everywhere else, but it’s not time to leave London just yet.

Hampstead and Kilburn PPC Ed Fordham went along this week to see Assembly members put questions on crime and policing to Deputy Mayor Kit Malthouse. With the issue of the estates strategy – and the closure of Hampstead police station – on the agenda, Ed was shocked to see his Assembly Member Brian Coleman (he of the bling and the expenses) leave the room when this was discussed.

As a picture paints a thousand words, Ed captured the moment by photographing Mr Coleman’s empty chair. You can see the photos and read more on his blog.

In the news

The White House has apologised for inadvertently briefing the press that Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi is a political “amateur”, “hated by many” and “one of the most controversial leaders” of a country “known for governmental corruption and vice”. The gaffe came in a briefing kit provided to reporters travelling with George W to the G8 summit. The comments had been cribbed from the Encyclopedia of World Biography.

The BBC’s “Rabbit ripper shocks Germany” tells how 30 pet rabbits in Witten and Dortmund have been killed in the last year in a bizarre and perverse outbreak of animal cruelty.

Top made-up news of the week: Supreme Court Rules Death Penalty Is ‘Totally Badass’.

Meanwhile, in Glasgow…

The SSP candidate in the Glasgow East by-election has been getting a hostile reception from some voters – because they’ve mistaken her for the Labour candidate. Scottish Socialist Frances Curran shares her surname with Labour candidate Margaret Curran.

Bizarrely, the man running the election has ruled that his staff aren’t allowed to tell confused voters which is which.

Fortunately, the Liberal Democrat candidate, Ian Robertson, won’t be confused with either of them.

Link dump

If you’re at a loose end this weekend, here are some links to pass the time:

• She Went of Her Own Accord is a collection (to which you can contribute) of “My mother-in-law’s emigrated to the West Indies”/”Jamaica?”/”No, she went of her own accord” style jokes.
• Show Us a Better Way is a Government project encouraging useful suggestions for putting Government data to work
• Vote for which Revel you’d like to see ditched with Revels Eviction (it’s the chewy caramel one for me, but coffee was well in the lead when I cast my vote)

And here’s a useful site you can use to check if a website is down or whether it’s just your internet connection: downforeveryoneorjustme.com

Civil services

Civil partnerships have been all over the news like a sexually-transmitted rash this week.

An Islington registrar who refused to conduct civil partnership ceremonies because of her religion (a rather absurd stance given that civil partnerships are by definition civil and not religious) won an employment tribunal case. The tribunal seems to have ruled that she had been harassed at work for her beliefs rather than backing her right not to conduct the ceremonies, although it’s not immediately clear what the wider implications of the ruling will be. A counter-boycott of gay registrars refusing to marry Christians is not currently expected.

The Earl of Devon has lost his licence to hold weddings at his Powderham Castle home after he turned down a gay couple who wanted to have their civil partnership ceremony there. Devon County Council ruled that discriminating against gay couples wasn’t compatible with being a licensed location for weddings and civil partnerships. The lucky old Earl has, however, seen an upturn in bookings for receptions since the publicity.

Liz Williams has drawn attention via her singing my song LiveJournal to the Labour Government’s involvement in an Austrian case at the European Court of Human Rights. Liberal Democrat peer Lord Lester asked the Government why they were “intervening … to contend that same-sex relationships fall outside the ambit of family life for the purposes of Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights.” Lord Hunt’s reply and Lord Lester’s reponse are available via TheyWorkForYou.

Headline of the week

Porn appears on rugby programme

Sometimes crime does pay

The Public Accounts Committee of the House of Commons has discovered that the Department for Work and Pensions paid £3 million in benefits to criminals in prison in the year to September 2006.

Social security payments are supposed to be stopped when someone is convicted and given a custodial sentence. The Government says it has since introduced weekly checks to cut benefit fraud in prisons.

That looks familiar…

Thanks to Islington South & Finsbury PPC Bridget Fox, who dropped us a line about her company’s logo for its new Global Employee Recognition Scheme. She thought it seemed strangely familiar and it certainly rings a bell, but I can’t quite put my finger on it… Decide for yourselves:

Facebook groups of the week

Well-endowed campaigners want to see an end to Marks & Spencers’ surcharge for larger bras. You can join their campaign, should you wish, at Busts 4 Justice.

A pre-emptive strike on registrars who want to discriminate: Registrars should perform their public duty on civil partnerships or resign.

If you like to be on the cutting edge of hand-drying technology, you’ll almost certainly want to me a member of Dyson Airblade Appreciation Society.

And finally

A letter from God:

* Something for next weekend? Email us at

If you see Doug, tell him

Labour MP Doug Henderson wants your views – if you’re one of his constituents in Newcastle North.

His household survey is a mix of leading questions (“Should tougher penalties be imposed on those who deal in drugs, blighting our communities and inflicting misery on individuals?”) and absent proofreading (I know, I can talk).

The pièce de resistance, though, is question 6, which I present for your delectation:

Meanwhile, in Tyne Bridge…

Doug’s local Labour colleague David Clelland, the MP for Tyne Bridge, also takes an unorthodox approach to dealing with his constituents’ voting intentions.

In a textbook example of the drawbacks of the safe seats producted by the first-past-the-post electoral system, 23-year MP Mr Clelland responded to criticism from a constituent thus:

I accept your offer not to vote for me again [...] I do not want your vote so you can stick [it] wherever best pleases you.

The constituent in question, IT salesman Gary Scott (who was around four years old when David Clelland became an MP), had written a letter to Mr Clelland complaining that he was supporting an out-of-touch and authoritarian government.

You can read the full exchange on Paul Walter’s blog.

Book him, Dannie

Wales’s culture minister Rhodri Glyn Thomas took a leaf out of Terry Wogan’s book this week when he announced the wrong winner of the Wales Book of the Year award – before announcing the correct winner, 84-year-old writer and poet Dannie Abse, for his memoir The Presence.

Another gong for Vince

While we’re on the subject of awards, congratulations to our Shadow Chancellor and Deputy Leader Vince Cable who was recognised again this week for his sterling work. He was named Politician of the Year on Thursday at the Public Affairs News Awards.

As the citation says:

Vince has firmly established himself as a credible and authoritative voice on all Treasury-related issues. He deftly used his temporary leadership of the Liberal Democrats and his subsequently increased profile to hold the government to account over the Northern Rock crisis, and was the first to champion nationalization of the bank when even the Treasury refused to countenance such a move.

(Hat-tip.)

It’s official: Pringles aren’t crisps

Not for the first time, this column finds itself on the subject of Pringles, the tube-based potato snack. But they’re not crisps, according to the High Court.

In a ruling that echoes Marks & Spencer’s 12-year battle with Revenue & Customs over the VAT status of chocolate-covered teacakes, the court said Pringles can be sold tax-free because they do not contain enough potato.

I could speculate on why the tax system prefers snacks with less potato in, but let’s not open that tube of worms. Once you pop… (Sorry.)

Restaurant of the week

The menu for Willesden’s premier Bulgarian takeaway restaurant has photos of the meals rather than descriptions. And it’s called Crazy Cock.

Yes, this item was childish. Sorry again.

Focus on John Pugh

A reader has been in touch to draw our collective attentions to this particular testosterone-laden 2006 press release from Southport MP John Pugh:

A&E: MP PROMISES GUERILLA WAR

John Pugh is promising guerilla war until the option floated by management consultants of moving A&E out of Southport is taken off the table and put out with the trash.
[...]
“I will be knocking on every door I need to and already have achieved a high degree of co-operation”.

Our correspondent adds: “Looking through his website today I am rather taken by the inappropriately named Pugh Tube.”

(You can contribute by emailing us at )

How do you confuse an idiot?

Find out here.

Beam me up, Huhne

Old domain names don’t die, they just get new owners. Readers wanting to track down some Star Trek memorabilia on eBay (and even I pity you) can, as a result, do so at chris2win.org – previously home of two party leadership campaigns.

Headline of the week

Bush Stimulates The Porn Industry With His Economic Package:

When President Bush announced his economic stimulus in January, he bragged that his package was the “right size” and would “boost” the economy. [...] It sure has led to “higher consumer spending,” but not where Bush had probably hoped. The adult pornography industry reports that has seen a huge uptick in business thanks to Bush’s package.

(Hat-tip.)

Westminster Abbey Road

As part of Liverpool’s Beatles Day celebration, Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling, David “Dave” Cameron and Nick Clegg were asked to reveal their favourite Beatles songs.

Gordon picked All My Loving, Darling opted for Strawberry Fields, and Dave chose The Long and Winding Road.

Nick’s favourite is A Day in the Life: “Even after all this time, it still sounds innovative and radical.”

Website of the week

Have you recently visited a friend of family member in prison? Then don’t forget to Rate Your Prison.

When search and replace goes wrong

There is, apparently, a tendency for right-wing websites in the United States to use automated word replacement to ensure that their preferred use of language holds sway. The Carpetbagger Report explains:

Some far-right sites that subscribe to the Associated Press feed, for example, will use auto-correct to change “Democratic Party” to “Democrat Party.” This, of course, is because they have the temperament of children.

But the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow website takes the phenomenon one step further with its AP articles. The far-right fundamentalist group replaces the word “gay” in the articles with the word “homosexual.” I’m not entirely sure why, but it seems to make the AFA happy. The group is, after all, pretty far out there.

This backfired gloriously when the website carried a report about an American 100m sprinter by the name of Tyson Gay, resulting in the headline “Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic trials.”

There’s a screengrab and more at Right Wing Watch.

Facebook groups of the week

Campaigns & Elections magazine and Ian Robertson for Glasgow East are both fairly self-explanatory.

Long-time readers of my blog (and others too) will recall the Jerry Springer: The Opera controversy back in 2005. After the show was aired on BBC Two (although not in reaction to its previous, lengthy West End run), the odious Stephen Green of the so-called Christian Voice group tried to launch a private prosecution against the BBC’s Mark Thompson and Jonathan Thoday of production company Avalon.

Mr Green failed, but while apparently all for the idea of court-determined justice when he thought he had a chance of victory, now that costs have been awarded against him and he faces bankruptcy, he’s changed his tune.

He’s launched a petition calling for the costs to be waived by Mr Thompson and Mr Thoday. (Mr Thoday, incidentally, lost £500,000 when Christian Voice sabotaged a nationwide tour of the show. Mr Green thinks this is a reason why he shouldn’t have to pay.)

All of this is by way of promotion of a counter-petition demanding that Mr Green pay up – and here, therefore, is the Facebook group Petition to make Stephen Green pay Springer costs.

And finally

This.

* Something for next weekend? Email us at

Beanz Meanz Bigotz

Heinz have got themselves lots of free publicity this week by first releasing and then withdrawing this ad:

So the controversy surrounds the footage of a man kissing a man – or, rather, a man kissing a woman played by another man. 207 outraged idiots complained to the Advertising Standards Authority, under the impression that if their kids saw the ad they’d have to explain homosexuality to them. Perhaps they should ask their kids to explain the ad to them as they’d clearly missed the point.

Heinz now face the embarrassment (aka more publicity) of more people complaining about their pulling of the ad than complained about it in the first place. In their attempt to avoid losing business from a minority of vocal homophobes, the food giant risks losing the custom of, well, people with brains.

Hurrah for the tenacious Nick Clegg for writing to Heinz thusly:

The decision to withdraw it has not only offended many gay, lesbian, transgender – and straight – people, it also represents a backward step in attempts to combat homophobia in Britain today, not to mention a collective loss of humour.

I am asking you to reverse this decision and reinstate the advert.

(The Daily Mash reports: Television to be controlled by 200 latent homosexuals)

They should have been more discreet

Kissing on TV is, of course, a very good way for gay men to draw attention to themselves – so exactly the kind of thing the Home Secretary helpfully recommends to those in Iran.

Responding to a letter from our own Lord Roberts of Llandudno, who has called for a moratorium on deportations to Iran for all who fear execution, Jacqui Smith dismissed the idea that sexuality alone was an issue:

With particular regard to Iran, current case law handed down by the Asylum and Immigration Tribunal concludes that the evidence does not show a real risk of discovery of, or adverse action against, gay and lesbian people who are discreet about their sexual orientation.

Perhaps if Jacqui Smith was more discreet about everything she says, we’d all have a higher opinion of her.

Meanwhile, in Italy…

Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi’s cabinet has declared high offices of state, including, of course, the Prime Minister, as immune from prosecution:

Another law aims to suspend for a year trials relating to a range of alleged financial crimes committed before June 2002, potentially derailing a bribery case against Berlusconi, as has happened so many times before.

Meanwhile, Berlusconi’s government is pressing ahead with draconian controls over one of the examining judges’ main tools of investigation, wiretapping, and over leaks of wiretaps to the press.

Yes, ironic that the Italian people will be made freer from state snooping at the same time as we argue to use it in court here. Not, though, for the most high-minded of motives:

A magazine, l’Espresso, last week published a highly comic package of wiretaps in which not only Berlusconi himself but some of his closest aides and opposition leaders apparently pressurise state television executives to cast parts for their favourite actresses.

The Guardian has the details.

Fact of the week

The International Systems of Units is a metric system of measurement used across the world.

Only three countries haven’t adopted the SI system as their official system of measurement: Liberia, Burma, and the United States.

Haltemprice and Howden update

There are 26 candidates standing in the Haltemprice and Howden comedy by-election, which sounds like it should be a record. (Anders Hanson spotted the unusual comment form on a related BBC news story.)

A candidate must receive at least 5% of the vote to retain their deposit. Mathematics alone dictates that at least six candidates will forfeit their £500.

And here are some facts on deposits. The Conservatives lost the most deposits of the three main parties in the 2005 general election, costing them a total of £2,500. The Green Party spent £81,500 in lost deposits alone. UKIP lost £229,000. The total forfeited was £693,000.

Meanwhile, in Henley…

There were only a small number of counting agents from each party allowed to attend the Henley by-election count. The Liberal Democrats proved why it’s worth having good relationships with the minor parties’ candidates as a number of Stephen Kearney’s campaign team attended on behalf of other parties. Rumour has it that in Ealing the party’s Chief Executive was a counting agent for the Official Monster Raving Loony Party.

But before you can count, there’s knocking up. A constituency with a lot of countryside and more than its share of wealth, Henley has some long drives, and in the rush of polling day the activist must consider the cost/benefit ratio of a lengthy and potentially fruitless walk.

One knocker-upper decided she should move on to the next voter when confronted at the entrace to an estate with a sign that read: “Call gamekeeper for access.”

Muslim separatist rebel group of the week

The Moro Islamic Liberation Front. Or MILF.

In other news

I mentioned a few months ago Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s Chicken Out campaign for better conditions for poultry. This week he failed to get the backing of Tesco shareholders at the company’s AGM.

Dubai is set to get a “moving” skyscraper which constantly changes shape.

A bizarre row about discrimination has broken out in Sweden after a boy left two classmates off his birthday party invite list. Political correctness may actually have gone mad.

Ian Usher from Darlington, who now lives in Australia, has sold his “entire life” on eBay for £192,000.

Web site name of the week

Weight loss support site Fat Loser Online. Which I stumbled across as I was browsing for Doctor Who spoilers, obviously…

Which right wing blogger are you?

Find out with Tim Ireland’s not-at-all-bitter quiz. (Apparently I’m Iain Dale, by the way.)

Social networking rant of the week

Top marks to the volunteers behind lowbrow social networking site Faceparty, who snapped this week after being subjected to abuse from many of their dumber users.

They shut the site down and replaced it with a refreshing rant that begun thus:

Facebook groups of the week

NO2ID is the Facebook group of anti-identity card campaign NO2ID.

James McGrath is not a racist attempts to rescue the reputation of Boris Johnson’s ex-sidekick. I mention it because I can’t help thinking it’s not the most sensible group name to have chosen.

Only Connect – New BBC Four quiz – Apply today is advertising for contestants from a new quiz hosted by Victoria Coren. And if you prefer her brother, there’s Giles Coren & Sue Perkins are the funniest double act on TV.

This week’s most self-explanatory group is Boycott Heinz! Until the return of the gay kiss advert.

And finally

For no better reason than I’ve had it in my head all evening, this is Drugstore & Thom Yorke with El President (and apologies to Simon Hughes.)

* Something for next weekend? Email us at

There’ll be bluebirds over…

Tory MEP Den Dover has been back in the news again amid claims that he bought two BMWs using parliamentary expenses. He’d already been accused of channelling public money into a company run by his wife and daughter. Fellow Conservative MEP Giles Chichester has also been accused of paying hundreds of thousands of pounds of expenses to a family business.

Most important in this, of course, is that we get more of Den Dover in the news and the chance to hear his great name over and over again.

In the news

Following on from last week’s news about top secret documents being left on a train, annoying minister Hazel Blears has had a computer containing “restricted government information” stolen from her constituency office.

A United airline flight from Salt Lake City to Denver was cancelled after the pilot was left too upset to fly by an argument about his hat.

A hoaxer in British Columbia has been condemned for leaving a severed animal feet to be found in a shoe. The hoax follows a number of human feet found in the area.

An outbreak of teenage pregnancies at a school in Massachusetts has prompted concerns of a “pregnancy pact“.

Jonathan Fryer reports on research suggesting that gay men and straight women have symmetrical brains, which give them a worse sense of direction than straight men and lesbians.

“Poor research” led Swiss TV to include the subtitles of the German national anthem’s obsolete first verse – “Deutschland, Deutschland ueber alles” – during coverage of Germany’s European Championship football match with Austria.

House

A few weeks ago, we reported Wolverhampton MP Rob Marris’s conditional caution for criminal damage. This week saw the annual House Magazine awards in which Mr Marris won the Backbencher of the Year Award – despite arguably not being a backbencher. He beat nominees including David Heath.

Opposition Politician of the Year was Vince Cable, for his “star turn as interim Liberal Democrat leader followed by prescient analysis on Northern Rock.” Also nominated was Dunfermline and West Fife MP Willie Rennie. David Steel was nominated in the Peer of the Year category for his work abroad.

There is a full list of winners on the House Magazine website.

David Davis update

So David Davis is no longer an MP, having taken the Chiltern Hundreds, which means that Chancellor of the Excequer Alistair Darling acceded to Davis’s request for the appointment. Pop fact: the last time a request like this was refused was in 1842. If you’re as fascinated as I am by this, you might like the read the House of Commons Information Office factsheet about the Chiltern Hundreds.

To return to the Commons, Davis will need to ask to be released from his new “office of profit under the Crown” (see the House of Commons Disqualification Act 1975). He’ll also need to win the Haltemprice and Howden by-election of course, which will be tricky: he’ll have to defeat several independent candidates, a Green, a Monster Raving Loony (“Mad Cow-Girl”) and Miss Great Britain, amongst others. A tall order, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Davis’s decision to force the by-election still seems a little strange given his support for 28-day detention – a position which he struggled to justify on Question Time this week when challenged by, of all people, UKIP’s Nigel Farage.

But then, maybe more telling is a quote from one of David Davis’s friends repeated by Fraser Nelson in The Spectator: “It wasn’t 42 days that did for David, but 42 Old Etonians.”

Photo of the week

Via the London Underground Tube Diary, this sign at Bank station:

If you like funny pictures, you may enjoy spending hours browsing FAIL Blog.

Facebook groups of the week

The Facebook Forest sponsored by Ecotopia.co.uk “will plant one tree for every 50 members of this group.”

Slash 42 days to 24 hours from spiked wants to roll back a swathe of authoritarian legislation.

NO TO MONTHLY CHARGE! FACEBOOK SHOULD BE FREE attempts to promote the inaccurate claim that Facebook plan to introduce a £2 monthly charge. I’m mentioning it in order to highlight that it’s not true – despite which, the group has nearly 80,000 members.

LIB DEMS – NO TO TUITION FEES – KEEP IT THAT WAY, although one-sided in name, does have some debate on the Wall, including contributions from our Shadow Innovation, Universities and Skills Secretary Stephen Williams.

And finally, there’s Labyrinth The Musical – THE CAMPAIGN.

Coming up

Nick Clegg will be making a major foreign policy at Chatham House tomorrow, and will also be on the Daily Politics. On Thursday, it’s polling day in Henley and Chris Huhne will be on Question Time on BBC One. Simon Hughes will be on Any Questions? on Radio 4 on Friday.

And finally

OK, pay attention, 007. Here’s viral video in action. Here are two videos. You need to start playing the second one when the countdown clock on the first gets to the 12 o’clock position. I recommend starting them both then pausing and rewinding to give them both a chance to load. (If you want to watch them side by side, as nature intended, go to the first one on YouTube and follow the instructions in the video.)

* Something for next weekend? Email us at

The answer to the ultimate question of pre-charge detention

Members of Parliament voted this week to give police the right to lock up terrorist suspects for up to six weeks. There was a distinct smell of pork barrel politics in the air as the nine Democratic Unionist Party MPs voted with Government – turning a potential loss by nine votes in a majority of nine for Gordon Brown. The DUP insisted they voted on principle, but it’s not entirely clear which principle.

One of those DUP MPs was Iris Robinson, who is also a member of the Northern Ireland Assembly and is the wife of First Minister Peter Robinson. She is the chair of Stormont’s health committee, although the victim of a homophobic assault has called for her resignation after she called gay sex “an abomination”.

Robinson condemned the attack but said gay people should seek psychiatric counselling and that gay sex was disgusting, vile and nauseating.

If she finds gay sex disgusting, vile and nauseating, our best advice is that she refrain from taking part.

Sorry, we were supposed to be talking about terrorism, weren’t we?

Who speaks for the Government?

Minister Tony McNulty:

McNulty told BBC television late Tuesday that suspects who are held for 42 days but eventually freed without charge could be paid compensation of 3,000 pounds.

Or Prime Minister Gordon Brown?

Asked if the compensation was going to be £3000 per day, the PMS said that the Home Office had been making clear that those were not numbers that the Government recognised.

(Hat-tip, and also for Millions planning £3000 ‘I’m a terrorist’ scam.)

Strangers on a train

One reason the Government has yet to put forward for internment – sorry, detention without charge – is their own incompetence, but it’s surely only a matter of time. This week, they pulled off a perfect synthesis of Government data loss and Helping The Turrrists as top secret terrorism-related intelligence documents were left on a train. Two reports were lost: one on the security situation in Iraq commissioned by the MoD, and a joint Foreign and Home Office document on al-Qaeda’s activities in Pakistan. A passenger found the files and handed them in to the BBC.

Now, I don’t want to be too judgemental because I’ve left things on trains in the past. A lunchbox. A rucksack. About twelve umbrellas (not simultaneously). But these weren’t secret documents, and it was reasonable for them to be out in public in the first place.

The Metropolitan Police are carrying out an investigation. Into the security breach, not my missing umbrellas.

Quote of the week (1)

From the Telegraph letters page comes this gem about David Davis from Tony Jones of Eastbury in Berkshire:

We will have lost, too, potentially the best Home Secretary since Michael Howard.

Other news in numbers that aren’t 42

5

The number of jurors whose activities caused a drugs trial in Australia to be abandoned.

Lawyers at the trial were impressed with the diligence of the jury, whose members were seen regularly taking notes as evidence was being presented.

But when some jurors were noticed writing vertically rather than horizontally, the truth was revealed: the forewoman and four others were fighting the “boredom” of the trial by playing sudoku puzzles.

A new trial with new jurors will begin in a few weeks.

2

The number of times the letter S appears in the surname of the Presiding Officer of the Scottish Parliament. Except on the front page of the Scottish Parliament website earlier this week. And in places on the Tory MSP’s own website, according to Paul Evans.

This comes with the usual “I shouldn’t mention this because I maintain websites too, but…” proviso.

2 (again)

The number of Miss Great Britain party candidates standing in the Henley by-election, stimulating the Acting Returning Officer:

By far the most exciting moment came when two young ladies from the Miss Great Britain Party presented themselves. As the Miss Great Britain Party is not registered as an official political party we advised them that they would have to stand as independents or with no official party label. You can find out tomorrow what they chose to do. Of course, as Acting Returning Officer, it was important that I asked some probing questions of the candidates, like were either of them really Miss Great Britain? The answer, slightly disappointingly was no, but they were both finalists.

2 (again)

The number of MPs knighted in the Queen’s Birthday Honours List. One of them is the longest-serving Liberal Democrat MP: arise, Sir Alan Beith. Congratulations to him. And now SurAlan can have great fun every time he has to recruit staff by setting candidates a range of irrelevant tasks, criticising them for failture, and dropping them one by one.

Congratulations too to Doctor Who‘s chief writer, Russell T. Davies (or Stephen Russell Davies, as he’s cited), who gets an OBE, and to Gerald Scarfe, the cartoonist responsible for the Yes, (Prime) Minister title sequence amongst other work, who is made a CBE.

We’re told with every honours list that the majority of awards go to “normal” people, so congratulations also on their MBEs to the President of the World Indoor Bowls Council (for services to Bowls in Wales), to Mrs Hawkes, the Housekeeper of the House of Commons, and Mrs Anthony (for services to Music in Guernsey).

The Government hopefully sees the irony of awarding an OBE this week to Roger Smith, the Director of JUSTICE, “for services to Human Rights”. Perhaps Labour have decided that if other organisations are doing the hard work of worrying about human rights, they don’t have to.

2 (again)

The number of timezones covered by the Henley constituency. For more sleep before starting to deliver leaflets on by-election polling day, head to the west of the constituency, where the sun rises an hour later.

Don’t believe me? Best go and see for yourself

0

The number of actual unicorns found in Italy this week.

Quote of the week (2)

The instigator of The War Against Terror was, of course, United States President George W. Bush. With his term of office approaching its conclusion (and the world preparing to breathe a collective sign of relief on January 20th next year if he lets us make it that far), the Commander-in-Chief is thinking of his legacy, and told The Times he is concerned that he may be remembered as a warmonger:

Phrases such as “bring them on” or “dead or alive”, he said, “indicated to people that I was, you know, not a man of peace”.

(Hat-tip.)

Facebook groups of the week

Against 42 Days is a Facebook group for people opposing 42-day detention without charge.

Youngsters may like to join the LIBERAL YOUTH Henley Hit Squad.

The National Staff Dismissal Register should be scrapped is pretty self-explanatory, as is I hate Big Brother – 1,000,000 people needed. I don’t know what they’re planning to do when they find a million people – hopefully all go and live in a very large house where we can all watch twenty-four hours a day. For those who don’t know, Big Brother is a TV show, and basically a voluntary way of being detained without charge for several weeks.

If you didn’t like the cut of Iris Robinson’s gib as reported above, you might join Lets tell Iris Robinson where she can stick it!

Coming up

Protests are expected tomorrow against George W. Bush on his visit to the UK.

Nick Clegg will be spending much of the week campaigning in Henley, and will be joined on Monday by former leaders Paddy Ashdown and Ming Campbell.

It’s the deadline next Saturday for putting your questions on video to Prime Minister Gordon Brown. Ask the PM is hoping to be a YouTube PMQs. Submitted questions are voted on, and the top questions are will be put to the Prime Minister. You can submit a video or vote on other questions on the Downing Street YouTube channel.

And finally

Encapsulating what would be a pleasing result re the Murdoch press in Haltemprice and Howden, this is Level 42′s The Sun Goes Down. Byeeeeee.

* Something for next weekend? Email us at

We’re all going on a summer weekend of enforced Britishness

Labour Minister Liam Byrne put his foot in it with the Scots this week, being forced to backtrack before he’d even made the speech he was promoting.

He had floated the idea of turning the August Bank Holiday into the festival of Britishness Fife MP Gordon Brown’s been so keen on – and what could be more Labour than attempting to instil patriotism through centrally-dictated celebration.

But it was quickly pointed out that the August Bank Holiday in England and Wales is at the end of the month while Scotland’s is at the beginning of the month. (The BBC’s clumsy turn of phrase: “the August holiday is on a different date in Scotland to what it is in England and Wales.”)

According to the Beeb, the Minister said he had just been doing what Labour Ministers seem to spend much of their time on: trying to “get the debate started”. And according to theguardian, he believed that a weekend of Britishness would “help frame the progressive case for controlled immigration” – something to which the British population would no doubt love to dedicate a weekend.

MP cautioned for climbing over van

Liam Byrne’s West Midlands Labour colleague Rob Marris, the MP for Wolverhampton South West, has also been in the news this week.

Readers of Colin Ross’s site may recall that Mr Marris – Colin’s MP – had been arrested in April and charged with causing criminal damage after climbing over the bonnet of a parked van to get to a bus.

Mr Marris has now admitted the offence and accepted a conditional caution. My favourite quote is from the CPS’s district prosecutor: “The van was not parked to his liking.”

I’m opening… I’m closing…

Readers up-to-date with all the latest in exciting internet technology and stuff like that will probably already be avid users of Twitter. For those that aren’t, here’s something to make you change your mind: Twitter updates from Tower Bridge.

The sick…

Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd easily wins headline of the week with Vomiting Australian PM blames pie.

His pale appearance at a conference in Sydney last month prompted reports that he might have cardiac trouble.

He said he had been hit by a vomiting bug after watching a rugby match, and blamed a pie he ate.
[...]
On Friday, he told Sydney’s Nova Radio: “We’ve all had to drive the porcelain bus at some stage.”

…and the dead

The inventor of the Pringles tube, Dr Fredric J. Baur, has died aged 89. I promise no contrivances about popping and stopping.

His ashes have been buried, at his request, in a Pringles tube – his “proudest accomplishment”.

Quote of the week

From an episode of The Big Bang Theory, a sitcom about geeks (which, coincidentally, I enjoy): “1234 is not a secure password!”

If only someone had told Grant Shapps.

Blogging the latest by-election

If you’ve not already seen it, I recommend taking a look at the Henley by-election blog which, in a by-election first, the Acting Returning Officer David Buckle and his team are using to explain their vital role in the election and their work in the run up to polling day on June 26th.

In the latest instalment, the writ has arrived.

Surely no-one involved in politics could be geeky?

Speaking of geeks and of blogs, as we were, Liberal Democrat Voice’s own Mark Pack, finding he had some time on his hands, has joined the team of bloggers at PoliGeeks. Mark’s first post is here.

CCTV is everywhere

Courtesy of Popbitch comes perhaps the least appropriate place in Barcelona for a CCTV camera:

Facebook groups of the week

Fans of Jo Grimond may like to join The Jo Grimond Appeciation [sic] Society

BBC Parliament General Election Specials – Weekends Only Please! is campaigning for free wombats at rural Tesco Metros. No, hang on, it’s for General Election specials on BBC Parliament to be shown only at weekends.

And if you’re cynical about political Facebook groups, there’s always Ill-thought out, ill-informed Facebook protest that will achieve nothing.

Coming up

Prime Minister’s Questions is on Wednesday at noon. Our representative on Question Time on BBC One on Thursday is Shirley Williams.

And finally

To play us out, a celebration of British/Englishness (he blurs the distinction) from American nerdcore rap artist MC Lars. I warn you now the sound quality isn’t great. But it is the only song I know that mentions Guildford.

* Something for next weekend or a drawing for The Gallery? Email us at

The by-election’s been and gone
But thoughts of it still linger
A dog behind a letterbox
Has anyone seen my finger?

Saying different things in different places

The Chancellor borrowed £2.7 billion on behalf of the UK as he attempted to convince the people of Crewe and Nantwich to vote Labour. While in London the Government was denying that this was a “by-election bribe”, the party’s own leaflets in Crewe proclaimed candidate Tamsin Dunwoody’s role in securing the tax tweak.

She was challenged on Radio Stoke by someone not impressed by claims that she’d rung up Alistair Darling and talked him into the fiscal fudging. Her response? “You’re only jealous.”

Double-u-double-u-double-u-dot

Here’s a tip, courtesy of Labour’s campaign. If you’re putting a web address on thousands of pieces of literature, on flyers, on posters and on stakeboards across the constituency, it’s only sensible to check that it’s actually correct.

Take a look:

Unfortunately, creweandnantwichlabour.org.uk – without the “www.” at the beginning – is not a live website. Bonus points to Labour for going through the entire campaign without noticing.

It’s nice to be recognised

An MP visiting Crewe and Nantwich to support the campaign was recognised in the street by a local voter. The voter told the MP – who shall remain nameless – that his photograph had been in the picture round of the pub quiz he had taken part in a few days earlier.

“I’m afraid I didn’t know who you were,” the MP was told. “Actually, I still don’t. Sorry.”

One person who would expect to be recognised – beyond Edward Timpson and Elizabeth Shenton, whose faces were on stakeboards across the borough – was Miss Great Britain, the “sexy not sleazy” candidate, flaunting her manifesto on the front cover of Zoo (so I’m told). But despite hoping to poll well (fnarr fnarr), she got roughly half as many votes as the Monster Raving Loony candidate.

Labour activists in the constituency may have preferred not to be recognised. The story goes that a group of comrades from Merseyside were actually chased out of a housing estate by angry residents.

The final word on the by-election comes from Flying Rodent:

“Today marks the beginning of the end for New Labour,” Mr Cameron said. “Britain is tired of Labour’s faceless, bureaucratic, authoritarian government, and the people are recognising the Conservatives’ brand of faceless, bureaucratic authoritarianism as the way forward.”

Meanwhile, in other news…

A tinplate image for Margaret Thatcher has sparked a row after it was installed in the Senedd building in Cardiff. (My south Wales Howellses used to work the tin mines, incidentally.)

Never quite prying enough into our lives to satisfy itself, the Government now wants to know about every phone call we make and email we send. At this rate, we’ll soon have to log each time we speak to a neighbour. If you like the idea of the Government spying on us, I recommend you get yourself a copy of The Lives of Others asap.

Send him a cheque, mate

Earlier today, Liberal Democrat AM Peter Black took on former world chess champion Boris Spassky to raise money for Childline. Spassky simultanously played against 19 other opponents, including comedian Dom Joly.

Peter reports that he lasted 23 moves. You can reward him by helping him reach his fundraising target.

This week’s telefantasy news

Russell Tiberius Davies is leaving Doctor Who to be succeeded for the 2010 series by the marvellous Steven Moffat, who said:

“I applied before but I got knocked back ‘cos the BBC wanted someone else. Also I was seven.”

If you missed last night’s smashing trailer for the remainder of Doctor Who series 4, here’s YouTube to the rescue:

Meanwhile, Star Trek‘s Mr Sulu – who appeared in Heroes opposite former Doctor Christopher Eccleston – is getting married now that California has lifted its ban on gay marriage.

Here endeth the geek slot.

Facebook groups of the week

A couple of pop culture groups this week.

The Divine Teachings of Jim Robinson aka Alan of the Dale honours actor Alan Dale, whose TV credits include Neighbours, The West Wing, Lost, 24, The O.C., and Ugly Betty.

You Can Xanadu It! is a tribute to one of the worst films ever made.

The Facebook House of Commons aims to take everything that’s young and modern about Facebook and supplant it with the musty old traditions of Parliament. At least that’s what the name implies – I haven’t actually checked. What do you want, blood?

Campaign for a state funeral for the “Last Tommy” (WW1 veteran) is one of those groups that does exactly what it says on the tin.

Especially for Laurence Boyce, there’s Friends of the National Secular Society.

But the group of the week must be Liberal Democrats against being enslaved by conformity – get all your friends to join now!

Coming up

No PMQs this week as Parliament is in recess. Our Shadow Health Secretary Norman Lamb will be on Any Questions? on Radio 4 on Friday.

And finally

To play us out, The Jam. Bye bye.

* Something for next weekend? Email us at

Leaders on the line

Nick Clegg and David Cameron both returned to Crewe on Wednesday, and both were affected by train problems. It was Nick, though, who was doing a phone-in on Radio Stoke when this was mentioned and quickly pointed out that it was Cameron’s party that privatised the railways.

DC himself had been on Radio Stoke a few days earlier, when he referred to the by-election in “Crewe and Nuneaton”. Well done, Dave.

CU@by-election

The Lib Dems are taking the by-election very seriously, of course, so a mass text message from Nick went out to members encouraging us to head to Crewe to help Elizabeth Shenton’s campaign. At least one recipient didn’t need the encouragement: Elizabeth was out campaigning with Nick himself when the text message arrived on her phone.

Public Whip gets cracking

The Public Whip, a site set up to track parliamentary voting records, is using these data to help undecided voters choose who to back in the by-election. It’s a little flawed – it makes a big deal about issues of interest to the geeks behind the site, like ID cards, the right to protest near Parliament and Freedom of Information while omitting to ask about healthcare and schools – but it’s worth having a go. It told me I was closest to the Liberal Democrats, surprisingly.

On the fringe

Of course, it’s not just the big three parties fighting it out in Crewe and Nantwich. Our old friends then English Democrats are here, with another video to delight and entertain:

UKIP meanwhile have been distributing a marvellously swivel-eyed newspaper. Here’s a choice snippet from page 2:

Nelson or Kempenfelt?

If you remember the works, 5A, 5B and Gresty Lane.
If you remember the ‘Peg on the Main.’
If you copped Frobisher on the turntable
Or were on the footplate of Inpreg-nable
You’ll never forget the permament way
I wish it pleased as much today.
Keep the Station where it is!

The markedly more sane Monster Raving Loony candidate, The Flying Brick, is proposing policies including these:

I would open a huge Train-spotting University sited in the Crewe station Basford Hall shed.

Crewe and Nantwich would be declared a ‘no-car’ zone with every residence connected with their own private rail network.

The ten pence tax rate would be scrapped we would replace it with a two shilling tax for everybody.

Pop fact

People from Nantwich (not Nuneaton, Dave) are known as Dabbers.

Meanwhile, in other news…

Three newly-elected British National Party councillors in Wales have quit the BNP to sit as independents.

Paul Harley, Susan Harley and the BNP’s North Wales organiser John Oddy were elected (unopposed) to Bay of Colwyn Town Council.

Mr Oddy said he had fallen out with the Welsh branch of the BNP. The Harleys appear to have left after noticing the BNP are a little bit racist.

Case law: you may gaze at moobs (if you really want to)

Excuse us for lowering the tone, but in one of the more unusual court rulings handed out recently, the judiciary has determined that ogling a men’s chest is different from ogling women’s breasts. (Their next case was, we understand, ruling on the religion of the Pope.)

Lawyers…argued that the man’s chest did not constitute “private parts” under the act, which referred only to women’s breasts in such terms.

This was the case even if the man in question was obese, and had “man breasts” or “moobs,” they said, cited by The Daily Telegraph newspaper.

Read the full bizarre story on Yahoo! News.

Fact of the week (1)

You need a licence in order to operate any telecommunications sytem – including a telephone. It’s a criminal offence to use a telephone without a licence, under the Telecommunications Act 1984.

Fortunately, we’ve all been granted a group licence to have a phone by Ofcom – and we didn’t even have to apply.

Discovered: something that wasn’t Gordon Brown’s fault

Back in January, the Daily Mirror unsensationally reported “Gordon Brown just 25ft from death in Heathrow crash“.

The good news for Mr Brown (not a phrase you read often) is the headline “PM’s car did not cause crash landing“.

The Prime Minister’s car was not the cause of a plane’s crash landing at Heathrow in January investigators say.

It had been suggested radio signals from Gordon Brown’s motorcade interfered with the plane causing it to land short of the runway narrowly missing a busy road and leaving massive skidmarks in the grass.

Fact of the week (2)

Spermology is the study of trivia. And also of seeds.

Fire up the Cortina

Not remotely politicky, but… The US remake of hit BBC TV show Life on Mars continues apace. The US Gene Hunt is played by Colm Meaney (Chief O’Brien off of Star Trek amongst other roles), with fellow Irish actor Jason O’Mara as Sam Tyler.

There are cast photos on the Zap2It website.

Facebook groups of the week

Nick and Margaret – The True Stars of The Apprentice honours Siralan’s sidekicks Nick Hewer and Margaret Mountford.

Stop messin’ about and honour Kenneth Williams with a blue plaque is encouraging members to write to English Heritage to get Kenneth Williams a blue plaque in King’s Cross, London.

Should you be so inclined, One Final Tube Booze Party wants to mark the end of drinking on London Underground.

I bet I can find [X] people who [DIS]LIKE [POLARISING FIGURE] is designed to condense a whole host of other groups.

And the marvellous Pop songs are best represented by graphs offers hours of entertainment. So don’t look at it until you’ve been to help in Crewe and Nantwich.

Coming up

Simon Hughes will be on Question Time on BBC One on Thursday at 10.35pm, with Sarah Teather on Radio 4′s Any Questions? on Friday at 8pm.

Nick Clegg will be grilling Gordon Brown at Prime Minister’s Questions at noon on Wednesday, live on BBC Two and BBC Parliament.

Lynne Featherstone is on Any Questions? as I type – that repeat of last night’s programme is on until 2pm today (and you can Listen Again on the Radio 4 website).

And finally

They never had this problem at the Glee Club.

Plans for a national songbook for primary schools have been dropped after “experts” could not agree which songs should be included, the Telegraph reports.

Ministers wanted a definitive list of 30 songs that every 11-year-old should know. But that has now been rejected as too “culturally imperialist”. Instead a “national song bank” is to be created containing 600 songs.

Any suggestions for songs that should go in the song bank? We reckon every 11-year-old should know “Wuthering Heights” (as part of the literacy programme), “We Didn’t Start the Fire” (essential history), and “Fairytale of New York” (kids love Christmas). And “The Land”, obviously.

* Something for next weekend? Email us at

Tony Blair, Fare Dodger

Former president Tony Blair has been caught on the Heathrow Express without a ticket. He was, as the First Post puts it, “doing a Queen” and travelling with no cash or cards, but had forgotten the £24.50 pocket ticket money that an aide had given him.

Heathrow Express said that even former prime ministers – including Blair, who opened the £550m Heathrow Express service in 1998 – must pay for the train service. “Our policy is that everyone pays regardless of who they are.”

So, of course, the ticket inspector waived the fare and let the cash-strapped former PM travel for free.

Cheerio!

David Cameron whipped out one of the most awful puns ever committed to Hansard this week. Facing Gordon Brown at Prime Minister’s Questions, he informed the Commons:

The Labour peer, Lord Desai, said that the Prime Minister’s leadership style is like porridge. Another week like this and it will be Cheerios.”

Apparently Dave has a cereal for every occasion, so we can look forward to “Given the Government’s propensity for leaking secret memos, maybe they need to switch to Shreddies,” “Once they’ve reclassified cannabis, they should take a serious look at Special K,” and “Does the Prime Minister have Crunchy Nuts in the morning?”

Boris Johnson denies making inappropriate comments about Coco Pops.

The Real Hustle

A businessman attempting to buy London’s Ritz hotel was lured into a con straight out of the BBC TV series Hustle, the Guardian reported last week.

Businessman Terry Collins appeared to have secured a great deal when two men claiming to be acting for owners the Barclay brothers offered the hotel for the knockdown price of £200m. Unfortunately, once the £1m deposit had been handed over, the intermediaries turned out to be a former lorry driver and an unemployed construction manager, who went on a rapid spending spree.

Dumb headline of the week

This BBC story is now headed “7/7 ‘inspired airline plotters’”. Initially the headline was “Airline plotters played tennis”.

Seeing double

There’s an unusual pair of entries on the list of nominated candidates for Wigan Borough Council’s elections on Thursday. Scroll down to the Orrell Ward and you’ll see two candidates called Richard Clayton, both listed at 110 Church Street, one standing for the Conservatives and one as an Independent.

The Daily Mail explains why:

Leaving his wife for another woman almost 20 years his junior was always going to cause more than a little friction between Tory councillor Richard Clayton and the rest of his family.

But when his son, also called Richard, heard that his father had moved in with his mistress – living in a house just 25 yards away from his parents’ former home – it was the final straw.

Richard Clayton jnr, 38, was so incensed at his father’s behaviour that he decided to try and oust him from the council seat he has held for the past four years.

Meanwhile, in London

Some fun courtesy of the campaign for Mayor of London. First off, our friends at the English Democrats, whose candidate – Hampshire’s Matt O’Connor – gave up this week. Here’s their unintentionally funny “party political broadcast”:

The Sun, in its own inimitable style, has chosen three bikini-clad “lovelies” to represent the three main mayoral candidates under the headline “Page 3 cheers for electioneers“. In case you’re not sure who’s representing whom (or they forget), their bikinis are colour-coded.

The Livingstone team have put out this “Londoners for Ken” video:

Its description on YouTube is “Watch other Londoners explain why they’re backing Ken for re-election”. Notice anything missing? That’s right – in nearly two-and-a-half minutes of Londoners explaining why they’re backing Ken, not one person actually does.

Off at tangent now. Poet Luke Wright, who I saw at last year’s Edinburgh Festival, writes poems. One of these is called The Rise & Fall of Dudley Livingstone Esq.:

Dudley
Livingstone
Esquire.
Journalist, family man, Tory,
A little bit of Jack The Lad with a pinch of Jackanory.
From a lineage of land-owners who always shot on sight,
But savvy enough to know not to boast about being an Etonite.

Instead he stuck to shooting off his pen in periodicals
His wit would warm like sherry, so his right-wing doggerel,
Didn’t seem so extreme and he found being green
Meant you could say Send them back! and it wouldn’t sound
so obscene…

You can read the whole thing on Luke’s site, where you can also buy it on CD.

Entirely unrelated to that poem, here’s some news about Boris Johnson. This week, the Tories held an opposition day debate in the Commons about crime in London. A great opportunity for Boris to show off how a Conservative Mayor would tackle crime in London (badly, we suspect, but that’s not important right now). So what did Boris do?

He turned up for the opening speech from the Tories and intervened a couple of times to show he was there before disappearing. 501 MPs ended up voting on the debate, but Boris wasn’t one of them, having stayed around for just 40 minutes of a three hour debate. Obviously crime in London is an issue Boris cares passionately about.

Obligatory Doctor Who bit

The BBC has won a high court case over Dalek publishing rights. The row centred on BBC Worldwide’s 2001 publication The Dalek Survival Guide. In his ruling, the judge demonstrated how up-to-date with popular culture the bench has become:

Mr Justice Norris said: “The daleks first became known to humankind in 1963 when they appeared in the first series of Doctor Who.

“They were some of the most engaging and enduring creations of the fertile mind of the late Terry Nation.”

Fact of the week

One of the Liberal Democrat members of the House of Lords sang in the Westminster Abbey Choir at the Queen’s Coronation in 1953, as Lord Wallace of Saltaire’s updated biography reveals.

Wanted: Ministers’ fingeprints

Privacy International and No2ID have taken out adverts in Underground stations and pub toilets offering a £1,000 reward to anyone who can lawfully obtain the fingerprints of Gordon Brown or Home Secretary JacQui Smith.

You can see the “WANTED” style poster on the Privacy International site.

Harman hacked

Harriet Harman’s blog claimed she was defecting to the Conservatives this week, as reported by Guido Fawkes. The BBC picked up on the story, but got a bit confused about a previous case of “hacking” they chose to draw parallels with:

Last year, Conservative housing spokesman Grant Shapps was targeted by hackers who broke into his YouTube account to post a message under his name saying the party could not win the Ealing Southall by-election.

Those with longer memories than the nation’s favourite news service will notice two problems with this report. Firstly, the message was posted from Grant Shapps’s account by someone posing as a Liberal Democrat in order to claim that we had no hope in Ealing. And secondly, very few people believe that the account was hacked at all.

Giant steps are what you take

Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin was the second man on the moon, way on back in 1969. Sadly, not everyone believes the moon landings really happened, and sadly Buzz doesn’t take too kindly to it:

Also in the news

The founder of a company providing sperm to lesbians has been jailed for fraud and forgery. The company went into, er, liquidation a while ago.

South Gloucestershire police swooped this week – on the members of a bowls club.

Al Qaeda internal politics from the LA Times: behave badly and you’ll get a nasty memo.

And finally

We return to London (good news for the rest of the country: the mayoral election ends this week). Some wag has re-edited the Newsnight debate as an episode of Rainbow:

* Something for next weekend? Email us at

Carrying the Something for the Weekend torch today: baggage handlers; overage drinkers; the Egg McMuffin man; taxpayers’ money; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for me. From the beginning of the new financial year, which is today, I get a small income tax cut. Thanks, Gordon. The biggest winners, though, are those earning around £35k.

It’s been a less good week for those earning under around £18,000, who will see the amount of tax they pay go up in order to fund the tax cuts of people who earn much more. See, Labour do believe in redistribution – just not in the traditional direction…

» Bad Week

It’s been a bad week for BA, which has seen the farce at Heathrow Terminal 5 drag on and on. Amongst those losing baggage was, apparently, the foreign minister of another EU country.

After announcing that everything should be fine this weekend, the baggage-handling software developed another glitch, causing staff to resort to manually matching up bags with flights. And then it started to snow.

Much of the responsibility lies with airport operator BAA, but, unfortuantely for BA, they have very similar initials.

» News you may have missed

As I’ve had a few weeks off, here’s a larger than usual helping of news stories.

All change for coinage

All of the coins from 1p to £1 have been redesigned, and the new styles became legal tender this week ahead of entering circulation in the summer.

The lower denomination coins show parts of the royal shield of arms, with the £1 coin featuring the whole shield.

The current profile portrait of the Queen will be retained on the “heads” side.

Farewell, Mr McMuffin

The inventor of the Egg McMuffin, which has powered many a polling day, has died at the age of 89.

When Herb Peterson launched the Egg McMuffin at one of his own McDonald’s restaurants in 1972, it was the fast food chain’s first breakfast product.

Flu into Peru

A British TV company has denied introducing a fatal bout of flu to a remote Peruvian tribe.

Four members of the Matsigenka tribe are said to have died and others have been ill. Because the tribe has no contact with the outside world, its members immune sytems are less capable of fighting off what would be considered common infections elsewhere.

The production company, which makes the series World’s Lost Tribes, claims its team didn’t visit the area in question.

“Dangerous” images of male bodies

Pictures of perfect male physiques could be damaging to impressionable young men – and no, not in that way.

Researcher Dr David Giles, from the University of Winchester, found that regular readers of lads’ mags were morely likely to “exercise to excess” (something I’m very guilt of myself) as a result of body image anxieties.

Drinking age rises to 21 – in one town

Off-licences in Armadale, West Lothian, have stopped serving alcohol to under-21s in a pilot scheme running for six weeks.

Every off-licence in the town has signed up to the voluntary scheme. Pubs will continue to serve 18-year-olds.

Viagra is 10

Notorious blue pill Viagra was ten years old last week – a decade on from being OKed by the United States’ Food and Drug Administration.

Pop fact: Viagra was once advertised by Bob Dole.

» Hillary under attack

Via Gavin Whenman, the video that shows that Hillary Clinton really did come under sniper fire in Bosnia in 1996.

» Tony Blair’s TV licence and other stories

This week, the House of Commons authorities abandoned their appeal against the Information Commissioner’s ruling that they should publish details of a group of MPs’ additional costs allowances. (The request for more details information about 14 MPs is still being appealed.)

Thus we learnt that we, the Taxpayer, paid for Tony Blair’s TV licence in 2005/6, and that we forked out £4,000 for food for John Prescott in 2003/4.

In 2005/6, David Cameron claimed £21,293 towards the mortgage on his house in the country, with his sidekick Gideon Osbourne claiming over £18k for the same and £2,300 for food. Charles Kennedy claimed £12,869 for his mortgage in 2003/4.

The Sunday Telegraph today goes for Labour MPs Alan and Ann Keen, whose second home is only nine miles from their flat in central London.

While other MPs submitted detailed accounts of how they spent their ACAs, the Keens, who have been branded “Mr and Mrs Expenses”, each put in monthly claims for £1,640, a figure calculated as one-twelfth of the annual permitted total, without stating what the money was for. Each received the maximum payout of £19,681.75 during 2002/3 – a total of £39,363.50 between them.

» Harriet Harman’s week

Leader of the Commons Harriet Harman stood in for Gordon Brown at PMQs this week. Here’s a choice bit from Quentin Letts:

It was telling that the person to do the most damage to Miss Harman was she herself. This was when she was trying to explain away some rubbish she had written on her website.

She told the House that this had been part of her “Harriet in the High Street Listening” programme. She may well have meant this seriously but the House roared with laughter.

» Facebook groups of the week

It’s possible that one or two Liberal Democrat Voice readers may feel some sympathy with the group I’m a bleeding heart liberal and proud of it.

GIVE GURKHA’S [sic] THE SAME RIGHTS AND PENSIONS AS BRITISH SOLDIERS is fairly self-explanatory.

There’s an attempt to influence the UK’s manned spaced programme, with We want Lembit to be Britain’s first Astronaut.

And if you like the Spaced programme, you may be interested in Say NO to an American remake of Spaced.

» Coming up

Parliament’s on holiday, so they’ll be no Prime Minister’s Questions this week. Baroness Williams will be on Friday’s Any Questions? on BBC Radio 4 (repeated Saturday).

» And finally…

Parliament is now in recess, so Something for the Weekend will return in three weeks, once news is allowed to happen again.

To keep you going meanwhile, here’s one of my favourite sketches from the latest series of That Mitchell and Webb Look.

* Something for the weekend after the weekend after next? Drop us a line at

Loading up on the Something for the Weekend DVD player today: Norman Baker gets musical; MPs bring the pork home; flippertygibbets; a couple of bears; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for geeks who like fun in the workplace as global IT behemoth Google has opened its new European HQ in Zurich.

While continuing Google’s tradition of free lunches for employees, and destroying a proverb at the same time, the building also has a slide to the cafeteria (which you can see in action), firemen’s poles for quickly getting between floors, an aquarium for relaxation, a Cluedo-style library and meeting “pods” in the style of igloos.

» Bad Week

It’s been a bad week for MPs who want to keep their expenses under wraps. The House of Commons authorities have lost a Freedom of Information case and been ordered to publish detailed breakdowns of the expenses claims of 14 Members of Parliament, including Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Ming Campbell.

The Commons also published the Additional Costs Claims Guide – aka the “John Lewis list” – detailing what are considered reasonable claims for a given item, including £750 for a hi-fi, £10,000 for a new kitchen, and £750 for a TV. The good news is that the cost of a new bathrobe cannot be claimed for under this scheme. Hurrah.

» Also in the news

Elliot Spitzer swallows his pride and resigns as Governor of New York over a prostitution scandal.

France’s last veteran of the First World War, Lazare Ponticelli, has died in Paris at the age of 110.

Tough on crime: a bear has been convicted of stealing honey in Macedonia. Like an Eastern European Ronnie Biggs, the bear remains at large.

Radio 1 DJ Sara Cox has given birth to a son. Let’s hope he will use his father’s surname, Cyzer, as he’s been named Isaac.

» Word of the week: Flibbertigibbet

Tony Blair’s former right-hand man, Jonathan Powell, had politicos reaching for their dictionaries this week. He identified one of Blair’s weaknesses as a tendency to change his mind:

He said: “I take a very strong view, once you’ve decided to do something you should really stick to it and see it through and he would sometimes be a bit of a flippertygibbet about things and change his mind.”

Dictionary.com defines the marginally more common spelling of flibbertigibbet thus:

A silly, flighty, or scatterbrained person, especially a pert young woman with such qualities.

Tony Blair: a pert young woman.

» London: Part 1

Excitement at Something for the Weekend Towers! After this campaigning column’s endless nagging, the “To be launched next month” button that promised the long-awaited boroughs section of Boris Johnson’s London Mayor campaign website has finally gone!

Hold on, though. The boroughs section still hasn’t materialised. Should we take this to mean that the Boris team are no longer confident of it being arriving in March either? Boris, you’re running out of time.

Speaking of running: Boris deserves a pat on the back, as he’s running a mile for Sport Relief. We wish him and all the other runners taking part the best of luck.

And yet we can’t help reminding ourselves that the Liberal Democrats’ candidate for London Mayor, Brian Paddick, is tackling the London Marathon next month. That’s more than 26 times the distance Boris is running. We can only deduce that Brian will put 26 times the effort into running London that Boris would.

(You can sponsor Brian online to help one or all of his three chairities: The Stroke Association, The Down Syndrome Educational Trust and The Elton John Aids Foundation.)

» Norman Baker left me on Friday

Blogger, presenter and writer Andrew Collins (pop fact: he was a contestant on Telly Addicts many moons ago) has spotted an Evening Standard story about Lewes MP Norman Baker. It is important that you know that I’m wearing a Shed Seven T-shirt as I type, because Norman is accused of being a closet Shed Seven fan. Here’s what he is on record saying:

“The electricity wasted while a television set is on standby is costing consumers thousands, and is damaging the environment.

“If truth be told, the Government’s record on climate change isn’t getting better. On energy efficiency we are still chasing rainbows. Going for gold we are not.”

These sentence, as the Standard points out, contain no less than five Shed Seven song titles: On Standby, Truth Be Told, Getting Better, Chasing Rainbows and Going for Gold.

Although the story refers to Norman giving a speech in the House of Commons, this appears to be a press release from 2005, reproduced on a Norwich Union website.

According to Norman, it was “Completely coincidental.” And as Norman isn’t one for conspiracy theories, we’ll leave it there.

» “Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain?”

As the Labour Government continues its drive to dispose of recycle our ancient liberties, it’s worth plugging the Magna Carta section of the British Library’s website.

You can view a copy of the document in detail, read a translation, and hear from the British Library’s well-titled Head of Medieval and Earlier Manuscripts.

» London: Part 2

There are, of course, some fringe candidates running for London Mayor in May. Let me introduce you to Winston McKenzie.

Winston has been a Labour Party member, and a parliamentarty candidate for Veritas (so he was the other member!), finishing seventh of nine candidates in Croydon North in 2005 and losing his £500 deposit. He tried to get selected as the Tory candidate for Mayor, and having failed there is making an independent bid for office.

His official website has an interesting Google search listing:

The main plank of Winston’s campaign is opposition to the congestion charge, which he calls “a virus”. But there is no mention of his transport policies in his official campaign video, which focuses on some broader themes:

Next stop: the Eurovision Song Contest.

(Like Eurovision? Why not take a Eurovision Mini Cruise? Yes, it’s real.)

» Drastic funding reform

Nick Clegg wants to see caps on donations to political parties to help clean up politics. But while he’s in favour of radical reform of the political system, he’s not quite as radical as the Guardian erroneously suggested this week. As they explained:

We rather overstated the extent of Nick Clegg’s call for a cap on political donations. The Liberal Democrat leader’s proposed limit is £25,000, not £25.

» Rasher early day motions

EDM 1097 reads:

That this House congratulates the British pig industry on its high production standards, its continued commitment to animal welfare and on the provision of the best in pork, bacon and ham to consumers; notes with concern that high animal feed prices mean that pig farmers are losing more than £20 on every animal raised, posing a serious threat to the future of British pig production; further notes that shoppers have said they are willing to pay more for high welfare British pork, and that 70 per cent. of imported pork has been produced under conditions that would be illegal in the UK; welcomes the National Pig Association and British Pig Executive’s campaign – Pigsareworthit.com; and calls on the Government to help ensure that increases in retail prices flow down the supply chain to Britain’s pig farmers.

Congratulations to the tabling MP: Richard Bacon.

(And well done to the British Pig Executive for having such a great name.)

Chicken Yoghurt, meanwhile, has noticed an unfortunate comparison:

Number of MPs signing Early Day Motion 401 in support of Iraqi Employees helping the British Military: 79

Number of MPs signing Early Day Motion 1756 in support of the Canadian bears helping the British Military: 207

» How good at you at paying attention?

Find out by Doing the Test.

» Facebook groups of the week

The campaign to prevent Mehdi Kazemi from being deported to Iran, where he could face execution for being gay, is in the Save Mehdi Kazemi!!! group, which links to an online petition.

Like War Poets? Then join War Poetry.

Forcing kids to pledge an oath of allegiance to the Queen is ridiculous! means exactly what it says on the tin.

Simply on the grounds of electoral maths, Bet I can find 100000 people who don’t want Boris (BoJo) as Mayor of London should be able to achieve its aim (although my experience of similar groups is that it probably won’t).

» Coming up

Nick Clegg will be speaking at London Region Conference on Tuesday evening, and he’ll be on telly doing PMQs on Wednesday at 12pm. Rumour abounds that he’ll also be appearing on this week’s Late Edition with Marcus Brigstocke on Wednesday from 10.35pm on BBC Four.

» And finally…

“people care for nothing
no respect for human rights
evil times are coming
we are in for darker nights”

Insightful political commentary from ABBA there. And here’s the source of lyrics in live performance from 1981:

* Something for next weekend? Drop us a line at

On the Something for the Weekend speakers’ podium today: bikinis; a liberal singalong; the steam pipe trunk distribution venue; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for the great northern city of Liverpool, which has been lucky enough to have thousands of Liberal Democrats descend on it. Taxi drivers have seen their fares flourish, restaurants have been inundated with hungry delegates, and the Crowne Plaza bar has had no trouble shifting stock throughout each night.

So when you hear that Liberal Democrats have regenerated Liverpool and rejuvenated its economy, that doesn’t just apply to the last ten years of a Liberal Democrat council.

» Bad Week

It’s been a bad week for Croydon Conservatives, who have booted out one of their members in a public spat over the replacement of Croydon Central MP Andrew Pelling.

According to the Croydon Advertiser, Peter Brown, former treasurer of the Conservatives’ “Croydon Federation”, wrote to the local paper saying that he couldn’t support any of the candidates for the Conservative selection after Andrew Pelling announced he was standing down.

He wrote:

“If anyone should be suspended and asked to give up his seat it is not Andrew Pelling but David Cameron.

“Anyone who has studied leadership will know there is one quality all effective leaders need – it is courage. Something which Mr Cameron lacks.”

This unsurprisingly sparked some ructions, which you can read about on the paper’s website.

» Also in the news

Headline of the week, from the BBC: Actor’s manhood is airbrushed out.

Nerd news: Gary Gygax, the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons, has died.

» Things to do in a bikini

Cardiff West Liberal Democrat Alison Goldsworthy has been skiing in her bikini – as you do – to raise money for Cancer Research UK. If you’d like to support her fundraising, you can do so on the justgiving website, and, depending on the video’s privacy settings and who you’re friends with, you may be able to watch the video of Ali carrying on her absurd ski on Facebook.

» Best joke of conference

In his speech today, Nick had a very good quip:

Our party is growing. We’re going from strength to strength. More supporters, more members, more MPs.

It’s not that long ago, if 13 MPs wanted to rebel, we’d have had to borrow some from the other parties.

However, the best joke of the weekend was probably by Sarah Teather, making the first reference to the issue at the rally on Friday night. I paraphrase:

I hope you all enjoyed the free wine as you came in. That’s a new innovation which I hope you like.

Sadly, I couldn’t have any of the wine: I’m on a three-line whip to abstain.

» Newsflash: Cameron’s energy policy

Energy prices were being debated in an emergency motion at conference this morning. Overheard in the conference centre:

Have you heard David Cameron’s policy for energy efficiency?

Turn off the heating to the servants’ quarters.

» Behind-the-scenes

“So what’s it like working at conference?” you’re undoubtedly thinking. Very busy, mainly. But for a brief insight into our office, here’s a short video:

» Boris update

I won’t rehearse the issue with Boris Johnson’s website – we’ve been there every week so you should be familiar with it by now. We must have an update though – so what’s the current status of the boroughs section of Boris’s website?

To be launched later this month

That message was there in January – but it turned out not to be true. That message was there in February – but it turned out not to be true. Now it’s March – will Boris break his promise again this month?

» Pop quiz

Q: What connects Andrew Stunell, Vince Cable, Phil Willis and Menzies Campbell?

A: None of them use their first name: Robert, John, George and Walter, respectively.

» Facebook groups of the week

Jodrell Bank, home of the north west’s iconic Lovell Telescope, is under threat – so Save Jodrell Bank! The group also contains a link to an EDM you can encourage your MP to sign.

Continuing the astronomical theme, you can follow Lembit to The UK Space Conference group “for all those interested in the first annual UK Space Conference to be held at Charterhouse in Surrey on March 27-29, 2008.”

Thursday night political TV fans can show their enjoyment by joining We love “This Week”.

And fans of the TV series Spaced can, if they wish, protest against a proposed American version by joining the aptly named Say NO to an American remake of Spaced.

» Coming up

Danny Alexander MP will be on this week’s Any Questions? from 8pm on BBC Radio 4 on Friday.

On the same evening, Lembit Öpik will be facing Alan Sugar in Sport Relief does the Apprentice, alongside such celebrity faces as Phil Tufnell, Hardeep Singh Kohli (recently beaten in an election by Charles Kennedy), Louise Redknapp and Clare Balding. Sport Relief starts at 7pm.

» And finally…

If like me you didn’t make it to Glee Club in Liverpool last night – perhaps you weren’t in Liverpool, or had other, more normal pursuits to attend to – you missed out on some no doubt gorgeously in tune communal singing. To make up for that, here’s a very singalongable video.

Are you a liberal? It’s possible that this chap is:

* Something for next weekend? Drop us a line at

Storming out of the Something for the Weekend chamber today: two by-elections in Louth; more from HMRC; witches, prostitutes and charlatans; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for Liberal Democrat Shadow Foreign Secretary Ed Davey. He gained headlines and coverage for the Liberal Democrats’ position on the European Union referendum by standing up against what Nick Clegg called “clapped-out 19th century procedures” and leading a walkout of Liberal Democrat MPs.

He also gave an interview to a group of bloggers, one account of which can be read on Millennium Elephant’s blog.

» Bad Week

It’s been a bad week for market-dominating software company Microsoft, which was fined £681m by the European Commission for “defying sanctions imposed on it for anti-competitive behaviour”.

Microsoft lost its appeal against the original 2004 ruling last September.

» Also in the news

Mark Boyle, who planned to walk from Britiain to India without any money, relying on the kindness of strangers, was scuppered when he reached Calais because he can’t speak French.

Pakistan has restored access to YouTube. The country had attempted to restrict the site due to “blasphemous” content.

Robert Mugabe strikes almost as low as some Labour party campaign literature, calling opposition politicians “witches, prostitutes and charlatans”.

And The Sun helps us lower the tone with the headline OAP admits goat sex bid.

» When did HM last send no telegrams?

Each day, the Queen sends around 20 birthday messages to people turning 100. But which was the last day on which there no recipients at all?

The answer is eight years ago, on 29th February 2000. No-one turned 100 on that day because there was no 29th February 1900. (Hat-tip.)

» Who runs Wales?

If you know that Wales is governed by a Labour-Plaid Cymru coalition, you’re doing better than 60% of the Welsh population, according to a BBC Wales poll.

26% of those polled believed that Labour still ran Wales alone, and 10% thought they were still in coalition with us. 3% believe that Wales is run by the Liberal Democrats alone – a particular success for our “Liberal Democrats Winning Here” message.

» Fun on the web

Two amusing websites spotted by Lib Dem bloggers.

Mary Reid points us to the somewhat unhelpful HMRC website, that answers the question “What to do if you suspect or discover fraud”:

Bridget Fox meanwhile has found an unusual job title advertised by Manchester City Council:

While we’re on the subject of websites, we must return briefly to the increasingly long-running saga of the Boroughs section of Boris Johnson’s mayoral campaign website. Regular readers will know that in early January this section was “To be launched on 14 January” and since then has been due “later this month”. Today?

To be launched later this month

At least Boris is consistent.

» The first female Liberal MP

Pop fact: the first woman to sit for the Liberals in the House of Commons (and the second woman to take her seat) was Margaret Wintringham. She succeeded her husband Thomas Wintringham after his death, winning the 1921 Louth by-election with a majority of 791. Thomas himself had only been elected in a by-election a year earlier.

You can see a photo of Margaret on the National Portrait Gallery website.

» Facebook groups of the week

Earthquake groups have sprung up in the light of the week’s sudden tremor. I survived the great Leeds earth[quake|tremor] 27/02/2008 01:00ish on the Leeds network has 28 members; I survived the Quake! has 62 members; and I felt the earth move early on Wed 27 February has 85 members. I survived the febuary 2008 earthquake! is significantly in the lead, boasting 7,178 members.

A fairly steep challenge is set by the group Can we find 1 MILLION people that DO want smoking back in pubs?, which has made it 8% of the way; the rival Can we find 1 MILLION people that DON’T want smoking back in pubs? is leading, 13% of the way towards its target.

If David Cameron paid me £500,000, I STILL wouldn’t be his friend, apparently set up by the National Secretary of Labour Students, lampoons the Tories’ recruitment drive.

And if you’re looking for something to support on Facebook, why not become a fan of a fan?

» Coming up

Lynne Featherstone will be on tonight’s edition of The Westminster House from 10pm on BBC Radio 4.

Shirley Williams is due to appear on Thursday’s Question Time (which could be interesting), and Chris Huhne will be on Friday’s Any Questions?. PMQs is on Wednesday at 12pm.

» And finally…

Apropos of nothing, a short clip from Armstrong & Miller, with apologies to those in the profession.

* Something for next weekend, live from Liverpool? Drop us a line at

Rare bits in today’s innuendo-packed Something for the Weekend from Wales: Jenny Willott’s future; David Steel’s past; Nick Clegg’s tongue; Vince Cable’s underwear; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for Granite. While a different type of Rock has been taken over by the state, the offshore company Granite continues to get its hands on the best bits of the newly-nationalied Northern Rock’s business (the arrangement sounds very complicated and I don’t pretend to understand it all) but wasn’t itself nationalised, leaving the country holding the detritus. Apparently, says Yvette Cooper, “It is on the bank’s balance sheet” but “it is not being taken into public ownership and is not in fact owned by Northern Rock.” Erm…

One man who undoubtedly does understand it is the Liberal Democrats’ Shadow Chancellor, Dr Vincent Cable, and it’s been a good week for him to as he charitably resisted the temptation to storm naked into the House of Commons, wearing only a pair of Northern Rock branded underpants and the words “I told you so” tattooed across his chest.

No, I don’t know where that image came from either.

» Bad Week

It’s been a bad week for Toshiba (although its share price rose) as speculation mounted that it would abandon its HD-DVD platform for high definition DVDs. Blockbuster, uber-retailer Wal-Mart and major US film studios have declared their support for Sony’s rival, the not-as-dirty-as-it-sounds platform Blu-ray.

I’m sure the media will be hoping that this runs for a little longer as the chance to trot out VHS/Betamax comparisons over and over is too good to miss.

» Also in the news

A jury in Peterborough has taken a massive two weeks to find three former Labour Party members guilty of vote-rigging, with some charges still being considered.

The Evening Standard reports that, as more and more post offices are threatened around the country, all three branches in the Palace of Westminster will stay open.

A Lichfield restaurant has apologised after a staff member took revenge on complaining customers by sending a sweary message via their bill.

Headline of the week, from Metro: Penis artist enters himself for prize.

» An ambition for HMRC

Our favourite arm of the state, Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs, has taken great strides towards towards not losing personal data and not messing up the tax credits system: they’ve got a new slogan.

According to the Daily Mail, 405 senior staff members went on away days costing a total of £1.5 million to brainstorm the inspirational new phrase.

Among the rejected ideas were a “pink and fluffy” logo spelling out “Thank You” to those who paid their taxes and a steel-grey “Elite Enforcement” title warning tax evaders they would be “hunted down”.

So what did they settle on?

HMRC Ambition.

LibDem spokesman Danny Alexander said: “People will be astonished that hundreds of thousands of pounds of taxpayers’ money was spent on this bureaucratic exercise.

“After the lost data debacle, I can think of lots of other words other than ‘pink and fluffy’ or ‘ambition’ for the HMRC.”

» Congratulations, Jenny W

Gossip from Wales! Cardiff Central MP Jenny Willott is engaged to be married after her partner Andrew proposed to her in Paris on Valentine’s Day.

She’s now trying to work out when Gordon might call a general election so they can set a date. It’s another excellent argument for fixed term parliaments.

» Brian Paddick’s dirty tricks

The Liberal Democrats’ London mayoral candidate Brian Paddick appears to have opted for a dirty tricks in his attempt to replace Ken Livingstone.

Brian is running the London marathon this year (you can donate to his three chosen charities here, here and here) and he’s challenged Ken Livingstone and Boris Johnson to take part too.

Could his secret plan be to see Ken and Boris overcome by fatigue after a strenuous 26-and-a-bit mile run? Brian, meanwhile, will be “running for mayor” and showing that he’s “fit for office” – and judging by some of the comments on his Facebook page, some voters reckon he’s “fit” in more than one sense…

Before we leave London, let’s make another to check to see if the London boroughs section of Boris’s website – which was first to be launched on January 14th and for the rest of January “to be launched later this month” – has appeared yet.

Oh dear. It’s still to be launched “later this month”.

(There’s still time to vote for the most effective anti-Boris video in the latest Lib Dem Voice poll.)

» Bore da, Mr Clegg

Nick Clegg AS (that’s Welsh for “Nick Clegg MP”) spoke at the Welsh party conference yesterday morning.

“You’ve set me a linguistic challenge,” he began, before getting his tongue round a respectable-sounding (to my ears) sentence of greeting in Welsh.

He went on to point out that Llandudno was the venue for David Steel’s 1981 “Go back to your constituencies and prepare for government” speech.

(Our taxi driver on Friday pointed out the crossroads a few yards up from our hotel as the site of an apparently excellent al fresco speech by Paddy Ashdown during the 1997 general election.)

Nick’s appearance in Wales is also mentioned in yesterday’s Guardian leader. (Hat-tip.)

» Welsh conference round-up

More important tidbits from Wales.

Last night, in the obligatory fundraising raffle, I won a letter opener donated by Assembly Member Kirsty Williams. I’ve been warned not to try to open e-mails with it as my laptop may not survive.

Other fundraising included what was, I suspect, the first ever Lib Dem round of Deal or No Deal, in which London bureaucrat Mark Valladares (accompanying his fiancée, who was speaking) crossed wits with the Banker (Cardiff West’s Alison Goldsworthy).

And a big Lib Dem Voice hello to Roger Roberts, aka Lord Roberts of Llandudno, who revealed himself to be a regular Lib Dem Voice reader.

» Facebook groups of the week

Artworkers familiar with his handwriting will have sympathy for Andrew Garratt’s group Andrew Garratt is not a font; he’s a real person.

Barack Obama fans might like to join Brits for Barack and/or Liberal Democrats for Obama.

We’re going to change Britain! WANTED: 2 Million People wants two million people to sign up to its campaign to make the country a friendlier place:

“We the members of this group will defy British culture by smiling, saying hello and potentially sharing a wave with people we do not know in order to change Britain.”

» Coming up

You can watch Nick Clegg at Prime Minister’s Questions on Wednesday from 12pm, and Lembit Öpik will be on BBC Radio 4′s Any Questions? on Friday.

» And finally…

We’ve mentioned David Steel, so I guess we should mention The Other One…

* Something for the Weekend – Lib Dem Voice’s lowest common denominator. Something for next weekend? Drop us a line at

In the Something for the Weekend serious selection box today: Nick Clegg gets international; Bigfoot gets interplanetary; Boris Johnson gets fingered; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for fans of Afflecks Palace in the centre of Manchester, whose future seems to have been secured. The lease on the shopping emporium was due to expire later this year, but new landlords Bruntwood have struck a deal to keep it trading, according to the Beeb:

In a joint statement, Bruntwood and Afflecks’ management team said: “After 26 years of trading, Afflecks management has sold their company to Bruntwood in an agreement that protects the future of Afflecks.

“Bruntwood will manage Afflecks while they look for a new owner.”

A Bruntwood spokesman added: “Never in our 30-year history have we bought one of our customer’s businesses but Afflecks is a Manchester icon that we wanted to protect.

“We aren’t however expert in managing markets, so will look for a suitable long-term owner.”

» Bad Week

It’s been a bad week for “Oven” Mitt Romney, who has abandoned his bid for the White House. In a relatively poor showing on Super Tuesday, he lost out in particular to frontrunner Senator John “Oven Chip” McCain. Arkansas Governor Mike “Fire and Brimstone” Huckabee remains in the race.

Pop fact: Mitt Romney’s father George launched his own presidential campaign in 1967. He didn’t win.

» Also in the news

The Independent reports that eight suspected illegal immigrants have been rescued from a chemical tanker in Bexley. This is serious so make up your own Derek Conway jokes.

The BBC is axing Grange Hill, one of the worst advertisements for comprehensive education, after thirty years on TV.

According to BBC News, Perth Sheriff Court has let a cannabis grower off with a £300 fine, under the marvellous headline Mercy for ‘genital itch’ drug man. (Hat-tip.)

From the Huffington Post: Facebook to Co-sponsor War on Terror

“For Facebook, being named co-sponsor of the war on terror adds to the prestige and luster of their brand,” said Tracy Klujian, editor-at-large for Antiterrorism Monthly. “For the Defense Department, teaming up with Facebook makes the war on terror seem hip and fun.”

A poster from the Christian Congress for Traditional Values that claimed that gay people want to “abolish the family” has been criticised by the Advertising Standards Authority. See, Prime Minister, CCTV can be a bad thing.

And The Telegraph reveals that Bigfoot has turned up on Mars. Erm…

» Nick Clegg is our chef

Nick Clegg’s intervention at Prime Minister’s Questions this week, when he accused Gordon Brown of presiding over a surveillance state, has been picked up far and wide – including overseas. Brush up your French and you can read about the «doctrine Wilson» (a tricky one to translate, that) on Luxembourg’s L’essential website:

Nick Clegg, chef du parti libéral, deuxième parti d’opposition, a accusé mercredi Gordon Brown d’avoir fait des Britanniques «la population la plus espionnée de la planète». La Grande-Bretagne est surveillée en permanence par 4,2 millions de CCTV, soit une caméra pour 14 habitants, le rapport le plus élevé de la planète.

Nick had specifically mentioned the bugging of a conversation between Labour MP Sadiq Khan and a constituent, so thank you to Beau Bo D’Or for permission to reproduce this appropriate image of his:

» Boris boroughs update

Last week I mentioned that the London boroughs section of Boris Johnson’s mayoral campaign website was “to be launched later this month” through most of January, having missed its previously announced launch date of January 14th. It’s only right that I should update you this week.

It’s still to be launched “later this month”.

Meanwhile, “Finger Boris” has emailed to ask LDV to plug his Finger Boris video. On the basis that the description describes it as “more well rounded than teh real thing”, done.

» Newlands beats Mendeleev

And now for something nothing to do with politics.

This week 145 years ago, so Wired tells us, the British chemist John Newlands came up with the basics of the periodic table of chemical elements.

It’s Dmitri Mendeleev, though, who gained the credit when six years later he introduced the periodic table that, give or take, we still use today, and without which Tom Lehrer wouldn’t have one of his best-known songs.

» Facebook groups of the week

Women and the Vote 2008 is marking “the 90th anniversary of women’s suffrage and 80 years since the equalisation of the franchise” by

putting pressure on the government to put equality back at the top of the agenda, as part of a year long initiative to highlight both the progress and the barriers that still face women in politics.

While Afflecks Palace may have been saved, The Drill Hall is still in trouble after losing its Arts Council Funding.

Are you interested in the upholstery on the London Underground? Of course you are! And you’ll therefore be wanting to join The London Underground Upholstery Appreciation Society.

Do you want to see Tony Blair become the President of the EU? Of course you don’t! And you’ll therefore be wanting to join I do not want to see Tony Blair APPOINTED as the President of the EU (although its focus is more on criticising the principle of appointment).

Last but not least: no one loves me

» Coming up

Nick Clegg will be on The Politics Show tomorrow – the programme starts at noon. They’ll be no PMQs this week as the Commons is on recess for half term.

» And finally…

Your normal Something for the Weekend will return in a fortnight, once Parliament is back from its break, so next week will be a special prize edition no post next week.

Until then, here’s one of precious few YouTube clips featuring TV’s Jake Thackray and a song about a primate.

* Something for the weekend after next? Drop us a line at

In the Something for the Weekend swag bag today: Boris overlooks 32 small things; Ken asks the questions; Derek says sorry; another cheap Peter Hain gag; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for those like me who hate “credit-squashing” on TV shows. The BBC has followed ITV by shrinking programme credits into the corner of the screen so that it can plug other programmes. But the credits are so small as to be illegible, which defeats the point of showing them at all.

The good news is that the BBC said yesterday that it would review the situation following complaints from viewers that the names of cast and crew members are now too small to read.

Tiny credits join irritating and entirely redundant on-screen channel logos in my list of modern TV annoyances.

» Bad Week

Derek Conway MP hasn’t had the best week. First he was suspended from the Commons and ordered to return thousands of pounds of public money paid to his younger son; then payments to his elder son were brought into question; Dave Cameron flip-flopped and, having said Conway had been punished enough, decided a day later to withdraw the Tory whip; Conway faces a possible police investigation; and he’s had to announce that he’ll stand down at the next general election. But he can at least look forward to take £60k a year of taxpayers’ money until then.

The BBC reports a Westminster Village gag:

Derek Conway has announced he’s going to stand down as a MP in order to spend more time with his staff.

» Also in the news

Woolworths have withdrawn a range of children’s beds bogglingly named Lolita.

Andrew Lloyd Webber has planted his next stage star in young people’s TV soap Hollyoaks as the line between fact and fiction blurs further…

HMRC delayed the filing deadline for tax returns after their self-assessment website went down. They would have rebooted straight away but they couldn’t find the CDs…

Bizarre rumours have been circulating this week that Peter Hain might defect to the Liberal Democrats. Just in case, the Campaigns Department are already researching the correct Pantone for his skin…

» Has Boris forgotten about the boroughs?

I’m always wary of criticising other people’s websites as it’s just setting myself up for a fall, but I’m going to pick on Boris Johnson’s “Back Boris” mayoral campaign website for one particular feature.

Ever since it was redesigned around a month ago, the site has been promising a guide to the London boroughs. Here’s what it was promising a couple of weeks ago:

Indeed, when the site was relaunched in early January, that image promised that the boroughs section would launch on January 14th. Once that date passed, the promise became “later this month” – and that’s what’s still being promised now we’re in February.

Don’t you care about the boroughs, Boris?

» Roll up, roll up for Ken’s pub quiz night

While we’re on the subject of the London mayoral election, let’s look at what “innovative” fundraising ideas the current mayor, Ken Livingstone, will be using to raise funds top up his trade union donations.

According to the Financial Times, these will include a fish and chips dinner and quiz nights.

I’m sure Ken would make a great pub quizmaster:

Question 1: Who is the best Mayor of London?
Question 2: Which current Mayor of London should be re-elected?
Question 3: Wensleydale or Red Leicester?
Question 4: Who is the best Mayor of London?

I’m sure it’ll be a riveting night.

» Facebook groups of the week

Tying in with today’s Good Week, there’s

And dovetailing with today’s Bad Week is Derek Conway should resign as an MP.

If you don’t like TV credit squashing, join Stop Shrinking Credits!

Finally, as I’ve mentioned the other two main candidates, I’d better plug Brian Paddick too. His Facebook Page has seen the number of supporters increase by more than half over the few days.

» Coming up

Lib Dem MPs will continue to pop up on the news during the week (and at PMQs, of course), but I have only one planned appearance to report, and that’s Lynne Featherstone on Radio 4′s The Westminster Hour from 10pm tomorrow night.

» And finally…

Sometimes a news story breaks and you can’t help thinking “What would Marcus Brigstocke say?”

OK, that never happens. But imagine it does, and imagine you were thinking about Derek Conway…

* Something for the Weekend doesn’t cost a penny of taxpayers’ money, which almost makes it good value. Something for next weekend? Drop us a line at

In the Something for the Weekend closet today: the smell of Barack Obama; the fetishes of a Labour MP; the women playing with balls; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for the Prince Muhammad bin Fahd University’s female football team. They won a rare inter-college women’s football match in Saudi Arabia on penalties in front of a large female-only crowd in the university’s stadium.

According to Alarabiya.net:

The match is the biggest such event hosted by Prince Muhammad bin Fahd University and the first ever to see the home team playing against another team from Riyadh. The University has introduced women football some 18 months ago.

Suggestions that 16 of those 18 months were spent explaining the off-side rule are not to be entertained.

» Bad Week

Before we pick this week’s poor soul, it’s only right we spare a thought for the man who graced this section just two weeks ago. Yes, Peter Hain has shuffled off to spend more time with his lawyers, and has been replaced as Secretary of State for Work and Pensioners by James Purnell, whom you may remember from such blogs as this one. (James Purnell’s reaction to his promotion? Speechless.)

Tempting thought it is to give Mr Hain a second starring role, I’m going to risk reprisals from her minder to declare Home Secretary Jacqui Smith this week’s unfortunate. When she isn’t sneaking off to Peckham with her bodyguard for a (donor?) kebab at teatime or labelling a large chunk of the population as not-we, she’s trying to justify bad laws by inventing new words:

It won’t be hypothetical if and when it occurs. We are not legislating now on the basis that we are bringing it in now for something that might happen in the future; we are bringing it in now for something that might happen in the future; we are bringing in a position for if it becomes unhypothetical.

Another one for the New Labour Doublespeak Dictionary.

» Also in the news

David Cameron has jumped another red light on his bike, angering a nearby pedestrian.

Secretary of State for Scotland Des Browne uses the Jacqui Smith excuse (“It’s never happened to me so it doesn’t matter”) when questioned by Lib Dem MPs about English shopkeepers refusing Scottish banknotes.

The British Social Attitudes Survey indicates a more socially liberal Britain.

The story of Three Little Pigs is considered culturally offensive. (Quite telling is the use of “Asian community” and “Muslim community” by the Award organisers involved as if the two were interchangeable.)

» Barack Obama in the pits

Barack Obama’s campaign to win the Democratic nomination for US President continues apace. With lots of supporters making their voices heard via teh internets, the campaign has its own online social networking system. Unfortunately, it’s known as MyBO. It includes blogs, events listings but hopefuly no scratch and sniff section.

With Hillary taking the lead in hairspray voters, Barack will be hoping the key underarm spray constituency (including the usually Republican Right Guard) come through for him.

Hmm. I should really apologise for this whole section, shouldn’t I?

» The law of unintended consequences

Harriet Harman believes MPs shouldn’t decide their own salaries. On the face of it, this sounds like a good idea – hand the decision over to an independent body.

But hang on. As the BBC reports:

MPs have agreed to government demands to award themselves a below-inflation pay rise of 1.9%.

The independent Senior Salaries Review Body (SSRB) had recommended a 2.56% salary rise from £60,277 to £61,820.

If the SSRB was responsible for taking an “independent” view of MPs’ pay and Members of Parliament didn’t get a vote, their pay rise would actually have been higher.

(See also my prediction that this would happen back in 2006 and Anders Hanson’s thoughts from a couple of weeks ago.)

» MP: “I must have a thousand fetishes”

Blyth Valley’s Labour MP Ronnie Campbell seems to have gone relatively unnoticed in the past, but his announcement this week that he has a fetish for horses raised some eyebrows.

Metro reported that he had given his support to National Fetish Day, saying:

“I must have a thousand [fetishes] but, hand on my heart, I couldn’t tell which is the most important one. Probably the horses.”

After the meaning of the word was explained to him, the former coal miner was a bit shocked:

“Oh my God almighty! I thought a fetish was a worry, like worrying about backing the right horse.”

So that’s cleared that up.

» The old ones are the best

From Friday’s Financial Times Notebook column:

Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to certain members of the shadow cabinet?

A: It saves time.

» Facebook groups of the week

John Humphreys doesn’t seem to have noticed that BBC Three isn’t exactly targeted at his demographic. Join the debate (or one side of it) with Save BBC Three and BBC Four!

Will you be the millionth member of the trailblazing group I bet I can find 1,000,000 people who dislike George Bush!? It’s getting tantalisingly close to succeding.

Leaked Government documents suggest that ministers want to blackmail students into getting ID cards, so there’s a new group: STOP BRIBING STUDENTS. NO TO Forcing students go get ID cards for loans!

» Coming up

Some telly and radio highlights in the near future.

On Saturday, Lord Oakeshott will be on Radio 4′s The Week in Westminster at 11.30am.

Ming Campbell will be on The Andrew Marr Show on BBC One on Sunday morning, with Nick Clegg at a similar time on GMTV Sunday. You can hear Lynne Featherstone on The Westminster Hour on Radio 4 on Sunday night.

Also on Sunday evening is the Channel 4 Political Awards at 7pm on Channel 4. Nick Clegg, Evan Harris and Norman Baker each made the shortlists for an award (although some categories being voted for by MPs tends to work against Liberal Democrats winning).

Finally, Nick Clegg is doing an interview on Monday night at 10pm on talkSPORT.

» And finally…

The Guardian‘s Organgrinder has listed his readers’ top 30 favourite TV shows of 2007. Naturally, Doctor Who tops the chart in what is a fairly geeky selection (hurrah!): good taste is demonstrated by the high placings of Heroes, Battlestar Galactica, Peep Show and Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe.

In third place is Flight of the Conchords, “New Zealand’s fourth most popular digi-folk paradists”. That must mean it’s business time.

* Something for next weekend? Drop us a line at

Something for the Weekend comes this week from my secret bunker, where I’m hiding from Lord Rennard.

A group of Lib Dem colleagues and friends went on a birthday trip clay pigeon shooting yesterday where I broke the cardinal rule of office politics: don’t beat the boss. And saying Chris Rennard is a little bit competitive is like saying David Cameron is a little bit posh or Peter Hain is a little bit orange. Last I heard, the chief exec was enquiring whether duelling is allowed in the House of Lords.

Freshly shot for Something for the Weekend today: David Heath gets photographed; Hasbro gets 11 points, or 33 on a triple word score; Jack Straw gets Sarkasm; and more!

» Good Week

Former top cop Brian Paddick had a good week. The Liberal Democrats’ candidate for Mayor of London formally launched his campaign on Monday in Brixton, returning to a borough he used to command for the Metropolitan Police. He promised to use his experience to cut crime as Mayor – and to stand down from the job he if doesn’t succeed.

Evening Standard columnist Nirpal Dhaliwal praised Paddick’s stance and declared his support: “Dashing, successful and openly gay, Paddick would best represent the diversity, dynamism and funkiness of our capital city. But he also has the CV most suited to running it.”

» Bad Week

It’s been a bad week for Scrabulous, the online Scrabble game heavily used via Facebook.

It’s had lots of free publicity, but only because Hasbro and Mattel, the companies who own the rights to the board game, have asked Facebook to pull the application. Created by two Calcutta-based brothers, it’s one of the most popular applications on the social networking site.

There is a large “Save Scrabulous” group on Facebook – as well as various smaller groups in support. Those with an opposing view can join four other members in the group Hasbro and Mattel are right and we know it.

» Also in the news

The BBC’s BA pilot ‘feared all would die’ continues the story of the plane crash at Heathrow, and has a helpful diagram at the bottom of the page.

Lord Digby Jones, the Biggest Dog in the World, has reported late to the House of Lords declarations showing possibly problematic shareholdings.

The Royal Navy has lost a laptop containing passport and bank details of 600,000 people interested in joining the armed forces. Defence Secretary Des Browne will make a statement just as soon as he works out where he left it.

Jack Straw has declared himself unhappy with transitional arrangements as Sark moves towards democracy. Apparently a “mixed house” with some seats not elected is not acceptable. Now, what does that remind me of…?

» The English Democrats replace Mayoral candidate

Our friends in the English Democrats have announced that Fathers 4 Justice founder Matt O’Connor is to replace the widely-respected, softly-spoken TV critic Garry Bushell as the party’s candidate for Mayor of Middlesex London.

Judging from the photo on the English Democrats website, his top policy will be free stylists for all Londoners.

In a break with tradition, he appears to have swapped the cross of St George for a strange cross (no pun intended) between the Swiss flag and the St John’s Ambulance logo. If anything, it resembles the flag of Wallis & Futuna. Which is French.

Hopefully the commute to London won’t be too much for Romsey resident Mr O’Connor.

Meanwhile, Garry Bushell’s former mayoral campaign website is redirecting you, it claims, “to the new board” – but don’t click on the link because it’s in fact redirecting web browsers to itself. For ever. And ever. And ever.

» David goes to Dollywood

Yes, that is Somerton and Frome MP David Heath with country music legend Dolly Parton.

David met Dolly in December at the British launch of her Imagination Library, a scheme she developed in East Tennessee and now operates across the US to offer pre-school children access to books at an early age. Children who register for the programme receive a book every month until their fifth birthday. It’s paid for by a partnership between her foundation and local authorities and sponsors.

It sounds like an excellent project. David’s working on taking it to Someset and we wish him success.

» Facebook groups of the week

PPC Duncan Hames is doing a sponsored sleep-out next weekend to raise funds for the Doorway Project in Chippenham.

Today is International Talk Like Tom Baker Day. Everybody say “Aaaaaah!”

And get out your diaries, because On May 15th 2008, everybody needs to go out and panic buy CARROTS.

» Coming up

“But where can I see Lib Dems in the medias this week, Will?” I hear you cry. Fear not – Flock Together has the ones we know about.

Nick Clegg was on The Andrew Marr Show on BBC One this morning. You should be able to watch it soon (if not already) on the AM website.

David Laws will be on Question Time this Thursday on BBC One.

» And finally…

Especially for David Heath (that’s not him in the video, it’s Kenny Rogers), here are Kenny and Dolly with Islands in the Stream.

* You’re a beautiful woman, probably. Something for next weekend? Drop us a line at

In the Something for the Weekend goody bag today: we reveal the secret of Hillary Clinton’s problems in Iowa; we discover Yorkshire England Area; a plethora of chickens; and more!

» Good Week

It’s been a good week for obscure New York Senator Hillary Clinton, who this week won a New Hampshire Primary School on a scratchcard (or something like that).

This means she now has the “big mo” and is the “Comeback Queen”, her rewards for having lost the Iowa Caucus the week before. As Millennium Elephant points out, she and Barack Obama both took nine delegates away from New Hampshire – and therefore Obama is still one delegate ahead (excluding mystical superdelegates, who put Hillary in the lead for the moment).

Senator Clinton’s victory in New Hampshire has been attributed to her spontaneous tears during a television interview, helping her pick up what psephologists almost certainly call the “chick flick” voter. Rumours that her campaign released an operational note giving journalists advanced notice of “a possible lachrymatory incident” are almost certainly unfounded.

» Bad Week

Poor Peter Hain. About the only excuse left for why he failed to declare donations to his Labour deputy leadership campaign is that he was too busy learning new song and dance routines with the other Oompa-Loompas.

I shan’t rehearse the various different elements to the particular donations scandal battering down his ministerial door – you can read about them in numerous previous Liberal Democrat Voice posts – but needless to say it’s all a bit of a mess, and at the end of it he didn’t even win. Or come second. Or third. Or fourth. Bad luck, Peter. Not a great return for two hundred grand.*

*Or however much he spent. We can’t be quite sure, for obvious reasons.

The bad news for Gordon Brown – quite aside from the Labour Government being associated with yet more sleaze – is that Peter “I’m just too busy” Hain has two Cabinet jobs, at Works & Pensions and as Viceroy of Wales, and therefore if he has to resign, Mr Bean will have two holes to fill.

» The English Democrats lead by example

Well, according to their website, “England is being dismembered into nine regions” and they “reject any attempt to break England into Euro Regions”.

Now, far be it for me, as a member of a party that doesn’t believe that we need to run and hide from Europe, to advise the English Democrats, but I’d like to suggest that that if you don’t like the idea of English regions, organising your National Council Officers that way arguably sends out the wrong message.

They have renamed Yorkshire and Humber “Yorkshire England Area” though, in case it gets any ideas.

» Does Hillary know what day it is?

We return briefly to the States and the Clinton campaign.

I have in front of me Hillary Clinton’s “Countdown to Victory” calendar. Here, in gorgeous low resolution cameraphonevision is an excerpt:

As you probably can’t see, January 14th is labelled with the Iowa caucus and the 22nd with the New Hampshire primary. Problem is, it’s January 12th and both of those have already happened. Maybe the Iowa caucus caught the Hillary campaign by surprise?

The calendar, which has a smiling Hillary for every month, is also expecting the South Carolina Democratic primary on the 29th, rather than the three days earlier it’s actually taking place. I think I might stick with Wikipedia.

» Facebook groups of the week

Save Bristol Old Vic is campaigning for the revival of the theatre, which closed last summer. Bristol West MP Stephen Williams has tabled an early day motion (EDM 630) on the subject.

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s Chicken Out! campaign has made it to Facebook. As is the nature of people-powered campaigning, there are three different groups: Chicken Out (1,282 members), Chicken Out! (577 members), and River Cottage’s Chicken Out Campaign (3,203 members).

» Coming up

A parchment arrives from Flock Together indicating these upcoming appearances by Lib Dems on the electric wireless and telly box:

• Sunday: Vince Cable, GMTV Sunday (it starts at 6am, early risers) on ITV1
• Sunday: David Laws, The Westminster Hour on BBC Radio 4
• Thursday: Chris Huhne will join opposite number Jacqui Smith on Question Time, BBC One

» And finally…

Teh internets say I should back no-hoper Mike Gravel for the Democrats’ presidential nomination. I’m not going to, but in honour of his zero convention delegates so far, here’s a video from his campaign.

* Something for next weekend? Drop us a line at