Note that this post includes end of life details which you may want to avoid.
The Assisted Dying Bill has raised questions about the quality of palliative care under the NHS. Whatever your views on assisted dying it should never be a substitute for good care at end of life.
Recently I and my family have had a positive experience of palliative care in an NHS hospital, and I am wondering how widespread this is.
My husband, Ian, died last month in Kingston Hospital. It was not unexpected – he had spent almost half of this year in hospital, six visits in total. During the year he was transferred to the Elderly Care (aka Geriatric) team, who took a refreshingly holistic approach to his multiple health conditions. However each time he was admitted his health and mobility dropped down a notch, so he eventually he became effectively bed bound.
Just before he was admitted for the last time he told me that he had had enough and it was time to go. From his hospital bed he made last minute changes to his funeral plans which he had drawn up under Covid. In fact he rather surprised some visitors by discussing it in some detail, asking them to contribute in some way.
Eventually it became clear that the treatment was no longer effective. Our sons were staying with me by that stage, and I asked if one of us could stay all night. They moved Ian into a single room so we could come and go as we pleased.
On the Friday he had individual conversations with all of us, saying what he wanted to tell us. He arranged to be given the Last Rites. He told the Elderly Care consultant that he wanted to go, and she then called a family meeting to check our understanding. Ian and all of us agreed he should be looked after by the Palliative Care Team.
All his normal treatment was withdrawn and he was given morphine plus anything else necessary to relieve the symptoms. The room became very quiet, with few interruptions, as he drifted away. We kept a 24 hour vigil for the next 3 days, talking to him and playing some music, especially Louis Armstrong singing “What a Wonderful World”, which he loved and had specified as the exit music for his funeral.
The Palliative Team were so helpful – someone was available day and night if we had any concerns or questions. They also gave us free car parking. Staff brought us food and drinks although sometimes it was good to stretch our legs and go down to the coffee shop.
On early Tuesday morning I was back home with one of my sons catching up on sleep when my other son phoned from Ian’s bedside saying we should come in. So it was that we were all with him, holding his hand and talking quietly when he took his last breath. It was a beautiful death.
The compassionate care we received continued after he had died. We had good and timely communications with the Bereavement Office who explained what to do next.
So, how common is this experience across the country? Do all hospitals have Palliative Care teams?
I do appreciate that we had time on our side – a sudden or unexpected death would have been far more traumatic, and sadly that is the experience for many people. But we felt we were treated with kindness and empathy throughout, and we hope that this is made available across the NHS.
* Mary Reid is a contributing editor on Lib Dem Voice. She was a councillor in Kingston upon Thames, where she is still very active with the local party, and is the Hon President of Kingston Lib Dems.
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10 Comments
Condolences on your loss and thanks for sharing these details with us. My sister works as a nurse and I’m afraid she has often been upset by the reality of how the NHS often deals with deaths that occur in hospital. She has spoken of the pressure to move families on as quickly as possible so the body can be transferred to the morgue, and that some beds are still warm when new patients arrive, albeit with clean sheets. Her biggest complaint, however, is when patients die in corridor beds or even in corridor chairs while waiting for a bed to become available. We have to do better and it does all come down to money.
My respects and thanks for your courage in writing this article, Mary.
My very best wishes to you Mary. You have showed remarkable courage in writing this article.
Deepest sympathy Mary, and thank you for writing such an open-hearted piece.
My condolences and thanks so much for sharing. A difficult year for you and I am so glad the end was positive if that is the right word…….
You asked about practice across the country. I will say my mum was promised a bed in our hospice but it never happened. No beds. Her end was quick but far from ideal. Nearly twelve years ago but it is hard to think about and share……
Mary – that was a very inspiring piece to read. We have never met but I send my heartfelt condolences on your loss of Ian. I don’t have any experience of palliative care to share with you, but I hope the kind of care that Ian received is available to all.
Thank you so much for your supportive and personal comments.
I know provision is not as good in other parts of the country, and in some places the NHS relies on hospices in the charitable sector to provide the palliative care. I wanted to highlight good NHS practice so it can be used to challenge hospitals that fall short.
Hi Mary,
First, I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. I’m grateful to hear that you and your family received such attentive and compassionate care during such a difficult time. I wish stories like yours were more widely shared; they remind us of what good patient care can and should look like.
As a Canadian watching the ongoing discussions in the U.K., I offer this with care: when Assisted Dying is added into healthcare systems, it doesn’t address the underlying issues—it often makes them worse. It can become a pressure valve within an already strained system, and over time, vulnerable people may feel steered toward death rather than supported to live with dignity.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s an important reminder of the kind of care every person deserves.
What a beautiful contribution, Mary – and sure to help others x
The NHS works well when everything goes according to plan. When circumstances or people make this impossible, it sometimes fails to have the flexibility and resilience to compensate. Unusual events require extra resources and unfortunately present resources find this challenging. A contingency in people and funds is needed so these events are dealt with to bring the projectuary back to normal.