… the Three Politicians who walked into a bar?
“Mine’s a pint of Red!” declaimed the Socialist. “For Society, Fairness and Solidarity. With Labour in charge, of course!”
“Beg pardon” said the Liberal “but I don’t like your coarse chumminess. Individual Liberty must come first. I am the Captain of my Soul. A glass of Yellow, if you please!”
“While you two are fiddling” declared the Green “The planet is burning. We only need buckets of water!”
“I don’t understand you people!” said the Barmaid. “Isn’t it obvious that we all need to be free, happy, thriving individuals, living in a fair, harmonious and successful society, and all working to save the planet? Why can’t you work together and get things done, instead of squabbling amongst yourselves?”
“We’re not squabbling!” chorused the Politicians. “We are holding profound philosophical debates which are crucial to all our futures!”
“Rubbish” chipped in the Landlord. “All we need is a decent government which cares about putting things right. Just look at the jailed subpostmasters still not getting justice. Look at the Ombudsman ruling that the WASPI women should get compensation and the Government refusing to pay. Look at the ever-growing queues for the law courts, driving tests, council house repairs, NHS operations, everything. What are your political philosophies any good for?”
“Well” piped up the lady from the Advertising Agency, as she sipped her G&T. “Democracy is all about salesmanship. To win, you need a strong narrative. Philosophy can help. The Socialist narrative of solidarity and equality was once very successful. The Liberty narrative served Britain well during Hitler’s war. But since then, philosophy has taken a back seat. Macmillan went for the prosaic narrative ‘You’ve never had it so good’. Then Starmer made it ‘You’ve never had it so bad!’”
“So who will find the winning narrative at the Election?” asked the Barmaid. “And what’s that sound of marching outside, with all those yobs trying to sing hymns?”
“Here I am!” cried Nigel, bursting through the door. “My narrative is that throwing out immigrants will solve all Britain’s problems. So – Let’s conquer NHS waiting lists by sacking all the foreign nurses! (Wild applause.) You clever-clogs Politicians lectured voters that irrational Reform policies wouldn’t work – As if you knew anything about how to run a country! You preached about hope defeating hate – As if you weren’t all hopeless squabbling losers! We understand the power of hate. We won.
“All thanks to your incompetence, Politicians. You could have beaten us by forming a strong Coalition and developing a convincing unified narrative for a better Government. But you weren’t prepared to hang together. So, now you can each hang separately!
“Landlord, take down that Jolly Taverners sign. You are the “White Lion” now. We give the orders. Jenrick, take charge of Army loyalty. Zahawi, tax policy. Dorries, Culture Secretary.
And Landlord, you know what I stand for. Mine’s a pint of – Bitter!”
* David Allen was a Lib Dem activist for more than 25 years, including being a Borough Councillor and local party Chairman in Rushcliffe. However, he opposed the Tory coalition, and finally left the Party in 2020. Since then, he has been politically independent. He would be delighted to support a centre-left Coalition including the Lib Dems.
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5 Comments
Interesting way of putting it. Just a week ago a local preacher came up and asked me why can’t all politicians who oppose prejudice and care about individual people, work together. I support the progressive movement called Compass and so do a few other Liberal Democrats but Neal who leads that has even been threatened with expulsion from Labour because he called for support of progressives in other parties.
@Nigel – A good point.
It has always seemed bizarre to me that while Peter Mandelson remained a member of the Labour Party after openly remarking with a smirk that he had not let a day go by without working for the defeat of Jeremy Corbyn, Alistair Campbell was expelled from the Party for suggesting that a tactical vote for the Liberal Democrats might be appropriate.
“While you two are fiddling” declared the Green “The planet is burning. We only need buckets of water!”
A Lib Dem councillor left the party to join the Greens a few weeks ago. You can read her statement here: https://bcp.greenparty.org.uk/2026/01/15/bcp-councillor-rachel-pattinson-west-joins-green-party-in-bold-call-for-hope-and-change/
There’s barely a word in it about climate change, bio-diversity, pollution, rubbish dumps, clean energy, net zero, food supply, clean water or the environmental challenge of global population size.
On this evidence I do wonder how much the “Green surge” is actually about saving the planet – unless of course this is an attempt by practical politicians to get onto power and implement real environmental policies by selling themselves as something else.
I’m doubtful given (for example) the opposition to solar farms espoused many Green Councillors..
Thanks for comments so far. The main theme seems to be that there are many tribalists in parties other than the Lib Dems. Sadly this is quite true. Tribalism, in all three main parties of the centre and left, is the fatal error that risks defeat by Fascism.
Success will come to those politicians who show they understand humanity and while acting according to the national interest show compassion for all of it.