Dear Leader,

1. Remember what you want. A part of that is that following the next general election you want to be Prime Minister; or failing that Leader of the Opposition; or failing that a cabinet minister in a government committed to a worthwhile part of the Lib Dem agenda; or failing that leader of a growing parliamentary party. Let Tweedledum and Tweedledee assert who is going to be the next Prime Minister, but always be clear that you want to be PM.

2. Remember what the party wants. Much of that is a prospect of real progress towards a more liberal and more democratic society. We may define this in advance with the grace and clarity of a lame camel dancing; but we will know it when we see it coming.

3. Make our party’s stars shine. For example, lead the cheers when Chris Huhne demolishes Labour’s conduct of home affairs, or catches Jack Straw being slippery. Let it be seen that you are very happy when Vince Cable stands in for you at PM’s Questions – you know that Brown won’t dare relax. Bear in mind that Cameron has worries about the quality of his support, and Brown is much better at being McCavity than at letting others be stars.

4. Prepare for good luck when the election comes. Our objective for the election is to hold all we can and to win all we can. However, the result of a British election depends in part on luck. If our luck turns good, we will not reap the benefit unless we have prepared for it.

5. Remind Labour and the Tories that nowadays they are Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Do it frequently, and they will come to hate you for it. Dum may be the one on the right and Dee the one on the left; but in the mirror it is the other way round. Remind the voters too that when Tweedledee and Tweedledum stop having a battle, they will fall into one another’s arms in a natural coalition.

6. Remember Gordon Brown is a formidable Scot. But he is a Macbeth who never dares to strike, who has a sense of doom and guilt combined with apprehension that Birnam Wood may be on the march. And he remains capable of playing Mr Bean.

7. Remember that David Cameron is one of Bertie Wooster’s friends trying to be Disraeli. If he had not entered politics, he would be Chairman of the Drones Club Committee by now; and the fear of Aunt Margaret is deep in his bones.

8. Thank Tweedledum and Tweedledee gracefully, and loudly, for their support every time one or other tries to steal a LibDem policy.

9. Remember that you are the long-odds runner in a three horse race. You must take your chances when they come.

10. Persist. When things go wrong, or you break your resolutions, pick up the loose ends quickly, tie a knot, and press on.

You earned your half glass of champagne in 2007, but that bottle will be flat next week.

With best wishes,

David.

* David Heigham has been a rank and file member of the Liberal, later Lib Dem, Long March since 1951.