Call the Feline Rights Commission! How, in these equality sensitive times, did anyone think it appropriate to set up a beauty contest for MPs’ dogs whilst ignoring all the much-loved cats in MPs’ homes?

Last year’s winner of the Westminster Dog of the Year even got interviewed by Andrew Marr! Where’s the fairness in that? When did you last see him talking with a cat?

Of course, while dogs are owned by their humans, cats own people.  So getting my fellow moggies to express our collective opposition to such undeserved canine fame is like – well – herding cats. But a tactical Early Day Motion from a cat-loving Parliamentarian would not go amiss (can you hear me, John Hemming?)

But – I am a Liberal Democrat cat, so I am used to forcing my political loyalties to overcome my distaste. I therefore feel obliged to draw your attention to two of the entries.

Tessa Munt is entering Poppy, a Jack Russell terrier, whom some of you might describe as adorable.  I don’t. I’d love to chase her round Parliament Square. Poppy, that is.

This is Poppy’s election statement:

Since taking up my role as ‘Staff Morale and Exercise Officer’ in the Constituency Office of Tessa Munt MP, the work rate of staff has quadrupled and I am achieving all of my targets.  People are also feeling less guilty about eating cake because they take me for walks.  I have an excellent modelling portfolio having been featured on many election leaflets and most recently my sleek coat has featured in the latest ad campaign for ‘Boni & Guy’!  I would use my celebrity status if I won Westminster Dog of the Year to promote awareness of issues that affect me and my canine buddies.  I want to work with children and other animals to achieve world peace.

Martin Horwood is also entering with a rescue dog that he hasn’t met yet. Not that I can imagine why anyone would want to rescue a dog.

The judging takes place tomorrow. Members of the public (that is, you) can also vote online for the ‘Winner of the Paw-blic Vote’. You know what to do.

Finally, whatever happened to Susan Kramer’s cat, Whittington? We should be told.

* Newsmoggie – bringing you comment from a different perspective