The importance of acknowledging mental health

In November 2020, I had a breakdown.

I was a postgraduate student when the news broke that Covid-19 was worse than we thought, resulting in all classes going online. We all thought it would last a few weeks, have a few awkward Zoom interactions, then it would all be over and remembered as a strange but interesting time. Fast forward 2 years, and it’s only now the class of 2020 is finally having its graduation ceremony. Exams had finished come June 2020, which meant from July to September, all postgraduate students were now focusing on dissertations. I was looking forward to it, as I had aspirations to go further with my education and pursue a PhD, with the master’s dissertation being my opportunity to build the foundations of my future thesis.

In our first meeting, my supervisor informed me that I had spent too long researching. Stress increased, along with anxiety. As time went on, my chest was feeling heavier, I was having headaches and I was snapping at my family and friends whenever they asked about the dissertation. I was feeling terrible but told myself it was fine, “all part of uni”. I eventually wrote up my research, sent it off and awaited my next meeting.

“Is this just your plan?”. I was so embarrassed, I wish I said: “No, this is just over a month’s work that I worked hard on, and I’d appreciate it if you recognised that”. But instead, I nodded my head and agreed that my work wasn’t good enough. I let slip my mental health had been getting bad; “It’s natural to feel like that with the dissertation, get your head down and do your best”. The meeting ended, and I was feeling more lost than ever. I had under a month to restructure my dissertation, write it up, analyse, send it off and pray I get a pass. I’d started comfort-eating a lot, I wasn’t sleeping and I was crying most days – somehow still convincing myself this was all fine.

What followed was more meetings and more bad news, which all culminated in an extension on my dissertation from the university. I remember describing how I was feeling to my mum at this point: “There are two sides fighting in my head, and both are telling me I’m doing terrible”. She was rightly concerned, as was the rest of my family; just not me, who was still convinced I could power through. In the last meeting, I had with my supervisor, I received the worst possible feedback; “you’ll most likely fail”. Just typing that out makes me stop and relive the experience of crying on camera, while my supervisor tried desperately to glean something positive from my work.

And then, it happened. I had my breakdown.

I couldn’t face the world. I was sobbing, curled up, swearing at myself for “being a failure”, shaking like mad. I couldn’t breathe, and quite honestly, at that moment I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I was completely broken, and couldn’t go on. My family were concerned, with phone calls flooding in across the globe from concerned aunts and uncles. I couldn’t speak, I was either crying or screaming into a pillow about how my life was over, how I would never get a job and I was no use to the world.

If it weren’t for my mum pushing through, and convincing me to speak with the local NHS doctors – who were and still are amazing, I must say – I wouldn’t be here to write this. They got me on Sertraline, which I still take to this day, and continue to support me with my mental health. I quit my master’s, and decided the best thing was to focus solely on my health; a decision I’ve not regretted at all.

So please, if you take anything anyway, let it be this: at the first sign of your mental health taking a dive, address it, speak up, don’t let it fester or think you’re “being a burden”. You’re far from it, the people in your life who love you will want you to tell them that something’s wrong, and you need help to get through it.

* Jack Meredith is a Welsh Liberal Democrat member.

Read more by or more about .
This entry was posted in Op-eds.
Advert

4 Comments

  • Lorenzo Cherin 16th Apr '22 - 1:26pm

    This is a really fine article.

    Jack, two things.

    If you had many concerned friends, relatives, you have much. Most depression or breakdown has an elemewnt of lonliness.

    If you had amazing NHS doctors, you have much more. Most of those, suffering , do not, but have long waiting for scarce resources.

    Keep up the focus on your mental health. You can study all the days ahead…

  • I’ve got nothing but admiration for you Jack. I’m no stranger to mental health problems myself, but I’ve never had the courage to talk about them like you just have. We all have our own coping mechanisms and there’s no right or wrong way – it’s just whatever works for the individual. But shedding light on how you feel is always a good thing Thankyou for doing that so eloquently. And stay safe.

  • Jack,
    it is great that you shared these things with us. I’m full of admiration for you writing your other blogs, some of them about quite difficult matters. I may not have always helped, by being overly critical at times.
    When I was your age I experienced mental health perhaps issues something like yours. Try not to worry too much; more of us had that experience than is commonly known, but most of us got through it.

  • Thanks for being so honest. I’m sure sharing your experience will help others

Post a Comment

Lib Dem Voice welcomes comments from everyone but we ask you to be polite, to be on topic and to be who you say you are. You can read our comments policy in full here. Please respect it and all readers of the site.

This post has pre moderation enabled, please be patient whilst waiting for it to be manually reviewed. Liberal Democrat Voice is made up of volunteers who keep the site running in their free time.

To have your photo next to your comment please signup your email address with Gravatar.

Your email is never published. Required fields are marked *

*
*
Please complete the name of this site, Liberal Democrat ...?

Advert



Recent Comments

  • Martin Gray
    Ultimately, the lockdowns will be proven to be infinitely worse than the disease... The 2m rule was fantasy stuff - totally ridiculous....The publics patience ...
  • William Francis
    @Steve Trevethan Donations amounts themselves don't prove much. If anything it shows the power voters have. A real oligarchy wouldn't need to spend money con...
  • Steve Trevethan
    Might the attached article indicate/demonstrate the the U. S. A. is not a democracy but an oligarchy with manipulated elections? Might the U. K. have made mo...
  • Peter Hirst
    A care leaver does deserve special help. Presumably some succeed in life and many don't. I agree with a special designation as long as the person applies for it...
  • Neil James Sandison
    Good to see Kemi B supports recycling failed conservative leadership hopefuls rejected by their own members into her shadow cabinet, these retreads with a histo...