Here at LDV Towers we do get some very odd requests. Many of them are designed for search engine optimisation – using a well visited blog like ours to sneak in links to their own sites in order to push them up the Google rankings. But some are just bizarre marketing.
From China:
This is XXX from XXX LED Limited proudly introduce a new underwater fishing LED light. This is the most successful fish lure attraction ever invented.
Features:
1. Guarantee to catch fish faster and easier due to it’s attractive LED light.
2. Capable to function to the depth of 150 meter (492 feet).
3. Proven to catch Squid, Red snapper, Salmon, Plaice, and etc…
4. No more messy baits and smelly hand.Please contact me for more details. Thank you for your time!
——
Then there are watches:
I’m contacting you to see if there are some opportunities to promote a new brand just launched in the UK Market.
The main products are leather accessories and watches at a mid-range price, cool and stylish products. I think your content and your audience are the right target for this brand.
To which we replied:
I am interested to know why you think that the Lib Dem Voice audience is a good target for leather accessories and mid-price watches. Have you commissioned some research? If so we would love to see the results.
As you know Lib Dems are keenly interested in any data that will help them segment the market and target their political messages in the run-up to the General Election, and we would welcome any advice you could give us.
——
This is a typical attempt at search engine optimisation:
Subject: Your blog is amazing”
Hi,
Hope you had a wonderful weekend and a fresh week ahead.
I was going through your blog and read some posts. I must say that all of your posts are well researched and informative. Thumbs up!
This is XXX, a passionate blogger primarily interested in green and healthy living. I have done some research in automotive and heavy equipment industry. I am willing to share my research work on your blog in the form of a guest post. Would you like to review it?
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Thanks!
To which we replied:
I know it’s amazing, but good to hear.
Thanks
She tried again:
Can I share some of my research in the form of an article?
We asked:
Mmm. Is your research a) amazing, and b) in line with the topics we publish?
——
With another correspondent, one of our team decided to make a reciprocal offer:
Hi There,
Greetings of the day!
My name is Richard and I have enjoyed reading your blog for some time now. As a fellow writer and Kindle publishing enthusiast, I would like to first thank you for the sheer volume of useful resources you have compiled for authors in your blog and across the web. I dig your style!
I noticed that you feature some guest postings from other authors in your blog on occasion. Is this something that you are still open to allowing? The reason I ask is because I also blog about self-publishing and author promotion on my blog, among other topics. Assuming you are willing to consider a guest post submission, would you mind letting me know what type of post you are currently most interested in for your blog?
To which we replied:
Hi Richard!
Greetings of the week!!!
Hope life is treating you well!!!!
I was very excited to hear about your blog on “Self – publishing” topic related content.
Being an avid writer and very in your niche, I was hoping if I could write a piece for your blog.
In return i would like to have a clean Back link to my site.
Below are some of the article topics which i want to write for your blog
– Fast Food Chains Helping People Self-blog with Faster Wifi
– 5 ways beauty products helps your business grow!
– Contactless Payments are a drive-by mugger’s wet dream
– Top 10 Things You Don’t Know about clickbait headlinesYou can request any topic on which you need article i’ll write that for you or you can just request any article from our site which you want to republish at your site.
Hopefully you are just as interested as I am!!!!
——
A lot of the writers claim a background in education (maybe writing students’ essays for them?)
With my background in education, I’ve witnessed firsthand the power of knowledge in empowering students. With the volume of information that’s out there, it can be daunting and time-consuming to try to sift through and identify the truly reliable sources, which in turn promotes procrastination and, well, ignorance.
…
I came across your site here – https://www.libdemvoice.org/rennie-proves-wings-embedded-in-yes-movement-43604.html – and thought these resources would help round out your site’s offerings. I invite you to share them on your site, and let me know if there are any suggestions you have for sites I may have missed!
In the spirit of empowering all Americans, I’m starting off with some resources I think are awesome for Spanish speakers [followed by a list of posts about housing for Spanish speaking Americans].
We replied:
You say: “With the volume of information that’s out there, it can be daunting and time-consuming to try to sift through and identify the truly reliable sources, which in turn promotes procrastination and, well, ignorance.”
Indeed. So I would ask you:
1. Did you read the post you linked to?
2. Do you know where Scotland is?
3. What rights do home buyers have in Scotland?
4. Do the Scots speak Spanish?
5. How many Americans are there in Scotland?
——
Then from someone called Randy Vulture:
Your site is great! I really enjoyed reading your blog and found many of the posts to be very interesting and well written within your different blogs.
I’m a freelance writer and blogger looking to expand my portfolio. I’d love to contribute an article. Do you currently have any writing positions available? I have some good, quality articles in mind.
Here is a preview of some of my work: [Three articles about technology in the home]
We replied:
Dear Randy (are you by any chance using a nom-de-plume)
Your pitch would be more persuasive if the examples you gave were of genuine guest posts on external blogs, and if the links actually pointed to the URLs you use.
We are not impressed.
And he responded, somewhat cryptically:
Were you impressed by the Revolutionary War?
???
Which Revolutionary War? And why is it relevant?
——
Another naive but honest pitch:
Hi,
I am running a professional moving and transportation company.I saw that you have a well maintained blog and published guest posts from different authors. I also want to contribute in writing unique, researched, interesting and informative posts for your blog that haven’t been published anywhere else. Please let me know if you are interested in my write-up. I would diligently want for us to work together and take our professional relationship to the next level. I will not charge money for my articles. I just want to get a link of my website in either article’s body or in the author bio section. If you think you have your own topic to write please send it to me and I’ll provide it to you according your requirements.
And it drew this reply from us:
Hi
I am impressed with your honesty, in that you make it clear that your main objective is for us to provide a link through to your website. Most writers who are seeking SEO tend to disguise their motivation.
However, I am intrigued by your offer, as you appear to be interested in the housing market. Are you able to provide us with an analysis of the impact of the bedroom tax on mobility? Or maybe you have specialist knowledge in Liberal Democrat housing policy?
——
Hardwood flooring – now there’s a controversial topic:
Subject: hanks for your website..
I’m XXX and I own for XXX. I visited Liberal Democrat Voice online I’m wondering if I can contribute some content to your website about the advantages of hardwood flooring and how to choose them. What do you think? Let me know if you like the idea or if you have a better suggestion.
There must be something useful there somewhere:
And hanks too…
I wonder how you think hardwood flooring is a topic that would be relevant to a political blog? Are you perhaps considering an analysis of the origins of the wood, and the potential impact on environment? Or do you have a view on Fair Trade in the wood industry? Or are you lobbying for more housebuilding in the UK?
If not, then I’m afraid you are wasting your time with us.
——
Finally:
How are you doing?
Are you looking for a good cooperation partner in China for leather/cardboard hat box?
If so, bingo! Just contact with us!
I won’t say who penned this timeless reply:
Boxes, eh? That reminds me of the Haughley and Wetherden by-election in ’54, when young Granville got within 5,000 votes of a distant second place, and my fourth wife and I were so excited that we almost got up from our armchairs.
What I remember was the complete absence of hat boxes from that campaign, and what I would have given for a leather hat box with four hours to go until the close of poll.
Unfortunately, times change, and as our people no longer wear hats on the doorstep, our requirements for hat boxes, leather or otherwise, are less than they once were.
On the other hand, however, I suspect that our business partners would find your services to be irresistible, given their historic fondness for silly hats, and you are strongly recommended to write to Cameron & Osborne Ltd at [email protected].
* Mary Reid is a contributing editor on Lib Dem Voice. She was a councillor in Kingston upon Thames, where she is still very active with the local party, and is the Hon President of Kingston Lib Dems.
7 Comments
On the off chance that I am the only lure angler who posts on LDV, I’d advise you not to waste the LDV Towers Investment Fund on the first option mentioned. Useless and a complete waste of money.
Oh, I have enjoyed your replies!
One of the best contestants in The Apprentice specialised in getting businesses up league tables, such as Google.
Vince Cable wore a hat when he came to Southport just before the 2010 general election. I don’t know if he had a box for it though.
That last one was pretty good.
One day someone will invent a programme that will insert credible mentions of the blog being targetted into such messages. But perhaps that’s a long way off as online grammar checks still show no ability to put phrases in context and those fascinating facilities that bring up words on the TV screen that have just been spoken, for the benefit of people with hearing but not sight difficulties, create wonderful mistakes like “HOSTILE CIDER ATTACK” for “hostile cyber attack” and “HE WAS ELECTED BOTHERER OF THE YEAR” for “he was elected footballer of the year”.
Could this fishing lure be adapted for voters?
Nigel Ashton 3rd Aug ’15 – 4:29pm
“Vince Cable wore a hat when he came to Southport just before the 2010 general election. I don’t know if he had a box for it though.”
Was it the one that Paddy had to eat, though?