12 Comments

• Andrew 3rd Mar '09 - 4:22pm

  You could put some contraband in the balloon and pop it up your rectum, using the soap for lubricant, smuggle it in somewhere, and then ‘evacuate’ it later onto the blanket, thus not leaving a mess.

  You’re just not being imaginative enough Mark!

• Andrew 3rd Mar '09 - 4:34pm

  If it was one of the long, thin balloons used for making balloon animals then:

  Scenario: Locked door, key in the lock on the otherside.

  – Push blanket underneath door,

  – Put balloon in lock and blow up. This pushes the key out onto the blanket.

  – Pull back blanket and then use the key to open the door.

  – Go into the room and close door.

  – Press key into soap to obtain impression.

  – Wipe key with blanket to get rid of fingerprints and soap residue.

  – Put key back in lock and lock the door from the inside.

  – Climb out window.

  You can now make a key for that room and gain access whenever you want.

• Andrew 3rd Mar '09 - 4:58pm

  Put the soap inside the balloon for a home-made kosh. Wrap the body up in the blanket.

• Alix 3rd Mar '09 - 4:59pm

  Smash and grab raid: hold soap tightly in hand, wrap blanket round arm, smash window, steal goods, leave balloon as baffling criminal calling card.

  Kidnapping: inflate balloons, arrange in the shape of a body on public highway, cover with blanket. Await bystander. Position soap so that bystander slips on it. Leap out of hiding, whip blanket off balloons and cover bystander. (N.b. this requires chloroform as well – did they seize any of that? No? Oh well, nearly there).

  Apple-scrumping: arrange blanket beneath tree to catch apples. Put soap inside stretchy balloon, whirl round head in manner of slingshot and aim into tall apple tree. Let go. Apples fall.

• Alix 3rd Mar '09 - 5:04pm

  Aha! We were clearly thinking along the same lines…

• Andrew 3rd Mar '09 - 5:08pm

  Actually, I would much prefer to be in your criminal gang – sounds so much more fun.

• Costigan Quist 3rd Mar '09 - 5:11pm

  Press bird seed into the soap, then use the blanket as a slingshot to shoot the soap into the jet engine of a stationary plane. As the engine fires up, the soap melts and birds fly in, attracted by the seed. Birdstrike brings down the plane in a stunning victory for the eco-campaigners, who then celebrate by holding a party with the balloons.

  It can’t fail, I tell you.

• Andrew 3rd Mar '09 - 5:48pm

  Blow up the balloons and make a balloon dog. Tear up the blanket and put it over the balloons so it looks like a Komondor. Take it to crufts and try to win best in breed. Failing that, sneak it into the enclosure of another komondor breeder, put the soap around its mouth area then say it has rabies and that it bit you – try and fraudulently win compensation.

• Obnoxio The Clown 3rd Mar '09 - 6:29pm

  Lib Dems are clearly a lot more nefarious than I realised!

• Mark Pack 3rd Mar '09 - 7:19pm

  Not sure if I’m scared or impressed by some of these comments…

• Benjamin 3rd Mar '09 - 8:38pm

  If it’s heavily scented you could use the soap to distract sniffer dogs and in the ensuing confusion, use the balloons to float your contraband out to sea, wrapped in a blanket where a boat will be waiting in international waters ready to receive the Grey Squirrel you’ve sold them.

• born mouth 3rd Mar '09 - 8:39pm

  Steal the bar of soap then fgov in your balloon with your blanket.