Queen Victoria and her nine children. Princess Alice is on the left
In 1878 Queen Victoria’s daughter Alice was 35. In the lead up to Christmas most of her family in Darmstadt, Germany became ill as the brutal disease diphtheria raged through them. Alice was scrupulous about infection control. She was a nursing pioneer and Liberal thinker. Way ahead of her time. But she buckled when telling her little son Ernest that his young sister Marie had died and, against all of the rules, she held him close. Inevitably she succumbed to the disease and died a few days later.
Every Victorian would have known this sad tale and identified with it. But just a short month ago it would have sounded a bit mawkish and medieval to 21st century Western ears.
Unbelievably this story is now topical with the (rare) but tragic death of a young teenager at Kings’ College. His family, through no fault of their own, unable to be with him because of the infection risk to them and to others.
A Welsh GP’s surgery has been pilloried for asking people about end of life choices. This is wrong. Ventilation, intubation, resuscitation and even “simple” catheterisation are all invasive and potentially traumatic. Any or all of them are well worth the candle in many circumstances for many people. But not in all circumstances for all people. Most of us would want the medical “kitchen sink” thrown at the young but we have to face up now to difficult conversations about where dignity trumps longevity and whether death at home with loved ones might be better than death in a field hospital surrounded by busy strangers in spacesuits.
Few of us at this time will get the exact kind of goodbye we want. It is mighty hard but it can be a release rather than a burden to discuss end-of-life care and imperfect goodbyes are at least something. 23 years ago I said goodbye to my Dad on the telephone. His last words to me were a list of animals in his joint native tongue Romany. Those words have given me so much joy – reminding me of his love of the outdoors of flora and of fauna.
As humans we put so much effort into beginnings. Where we possibly can, especially now, let’s think about the endings too.
* Ruth Bright has been a councillor in Southwark and Parliamentary Candidate for Hampshire East
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12 Comments
Ruth,
I think that the Welsh GP surgery was pilloried because the method they chose was impersonal. As it happens, I had a call from my GP earlier this week about my wife and we were able to discuss this same issue over the phone (the surgery have replaced appointments with telephone consulations unless there is really a need for the patient to visit the surgery).
Kent libraries have a copy of “When We’re 64” Your guide to a Great Later Life
by Louise Ansari (Green Tree) Copyright ‘The Centre for Aging Better 2019’
the government has extended the return date.
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=song+when+i%27m+64&view=detail&mid=9CC3E57F58B5251D61179CC3E57F58B5251D6117&FORM=VIRE0&cc=GB&setlang=en-US&cvid=b7f33760591f4724bbc9db2bb210517a&qs=AS&nclid=D19A84F13F0AA22DEE7AE50DDCF460A0&ts=1585912077432&nclidts=1585912077&tsms=432
The butcher’s shop in Matfield has made a delivery, mainly fruit and vegetables. Beetroot have been cooked in a pressure cooker.
It is not my birthday until next year but a vegetarian neighbour has delivered a frozen birthday cake, covered in sugar icing, another has given us information about the availability of milk, which my wife likes in her coffee. Mine is black, no sugar either.
BBC1 Breakfast programme had a 30 minute good news section today, 3/4/2020.
A recovering patient was full of praise for an individual described by the BBC as ‘a nurse.’
She said she is a Health Care Assistant, working long house trying to cheer him up.
He has a wife, who was very worried, but was not allowed to join his bedside.
I would estimate his age as 35-40. He did describe his initial symptoms.
Laurence so reassured to hear that you had a more personal experience.
Oh and a quick apology. I omitted the word “hospital” after Kings College
Thank you Ruth.
Paul – cool picture of Alice bet you found that 😊
Ruth – nope, it was me!!
Mary, It doesn’t look like you.
David – thanks …
Sorry Mary – YOU are the clever one then xx