Overall, I am not too keen on TV. My children would often say that I am workaholic, I can’t sit still and I always have to be “on the go”. Any particular reasons why I don’t watch too much telly? Does it take too much of our time? Could it be better to simply, after a long day at work, to force ourselves to occupy our mind and intellect with a book or a short walk? I worry that TV as well as mobile phones take away too much of our own and family time.
Having said that, we all need at times a bit of “me” time, also in front of our screens. I love to watch football highlights, watch a game when possible, political bulletins and crime series. However, as I love traveling and I lived, apart from my native Poland, in Croatia, Italy and now the UK, I really enjoy watching geography programmes. There are plenty of them across all the main channels.
I have recently come across Ben Fogle’s: New Lives in the Wild. It is fascinating to see how people are able to adapt and live in some of the most remote locations across the globe. It is remarkable to see how they cope with isolation, and very little contact with “real civilisation”. I was struck by a comment from one of Ben’s guests, an Austrian priest, who is now living as a hermit in the Italian Alps. He said that he feels more connected with a very few of his neighbours than when he lived in a busy city. What a striking statement!
Because of work, for the last 3-4 years, I have been traveling a lot to London from Welwyn Garden City. Hundreds, thousands of people trying to get from A to B. The London underground has been my best friend for a while now. A typical passenger on the tube? Phone, IPad, rarely a book. Some people try to have a short nap before the next part of the daily challenge. Often, actually most of the time, there is no communication and no interaction between commuters. It might be incredibly sad that someone might be living in one of the most iconic cities on earth, surrounded by millions of people from every corner of the world and yet, feel so lonely. I am convinced that each person has most amazing and unique story to tell.
Is the pace of life an excuse not to reach out to people? Is it that we have become more self-centred and we have lost the freedom for spontaneous conversations on the bus or a train? Would I be perceived a bit like a stranger if I was to initiate a dialogue? I often go back to my childhood memories. Some would argue that many of us in Poland, Eastern Europe and behind the Berlin Wall, had very little. Yes, materialistically we were poor. However, I feel that we were happy. We lived simple lives, which were built around creating relationships. We were not afraid to be the first to make contact, engage our peers and enhance opportunities to impact positively (not always, of course!) our upbringing.
Just before Christmas, during a casual “corridor conversation” at work, I spoke with my colleague who volunteers with AGE UK. I was really shocked that in Dorking and Surrey, there are 100’s of people waiting to be connected via a telephone service as they have no one to reach out or talk to. If someone was to ask me what my biggest fear is, I would probably say that feeling socially isolated would be my greatest trepidation. The negative impact it has on our physical and mental wellbeing is huge. According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), 27% (!) of adults in the UK reported feeling lonely between December 2023 and January 2024.
As a society, we absolutely must try to tackle this issue. In my view, this is the REAL pandemic. Although there are already countless initiatives across the country, which help to reduce loneliness, we all need to play our part. We have the best technological connections, however the real human interaction has been neglected for far too long. Therefore, could we all commit a bit of time to check on our elderly neighbours or relatives? Offer a lift to a local GP Practice or a local church? Or simply be the first to say hello or good morning? I am certain that if these basic principles are embedded in our routine practices, we will transform, step by step, our communities. This should be our goal.
* Michal Siewniak is a Lib Dem activist and councillor for Handside ward, Welwyn Hatfield.
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14 Comments
If we start spending 3 -4% even up to 5 on Defence we can forget half our proposed Social improvements. Suppose we could ask the States and Canada for loans as in the 1940’s.
PS Just because nobody speaks when commuting does not indicate being lonely, they may just be seizing the moment for a peace, quiet, rest even a doze before the day ahead! That was my experience.
Well, up to a point. As a Londoner (in exile) I very much enjoy travelling on the Tube, having some quiet time with my thoughts and *not* being expected to interact with other people. Many of us spend so much of our work & home lives in constant conversation, it’s lovely to have a bit of peace, quiet & thinking time. It’s not loneliness, it’s bliss 😀
Totally agree with Michal that loneliness is an awful problem, and is worthy of debate. And I do like the fact that you point out the onus is on all of us to help by reaching out and checking in on people.
Talking of which, @theakes – what makes you think tackling loneliness needs money spent on social programmes? (I know you don’t say that explicitly, but it seems to be implied by your comment). We could tackle loneliness for free if we all simply made more effort to reach out to people we know who might be lonely, and made more effort to talk to strangers (which I would highly recommend we all do). I think that’s a good example of how we’d do well to sometimes try to reign in our instinct to expect the Government to solve every problem 🙂
One easy way to help is to avoid the self-chekout in supermarkets and always go to the desk. There exchange a friendly word with the check-out lady/man. He or she could be bored to tears and cheered by a bit of humane interaction. And for some of customers he/she cold be the only person we speak to that day. So If you’re a checkout person please remember to smile back.
“One easy way to help is to avoid the self-chekout in supermarkets and always go to the desk. There exchange a friendly word with the check-out lady/man. ”
Seconded. I never use self-checkouts.
And on the friendly word point – it works both ways. I’m getting on in years and don’t go out all that often. I quite like a friendy word with the checkout person.
>” And on the friendly word point – it works both ways. I’m getting on in years and don’t go out all that often. I quite like a friendy word with the checkout person.”
The friendly chat is a social service businesses provide with out explicitly planning for it, yet as we know businesses are doing much to get rid of it: closing bank branches, self-service fuel/shopping etc., using overseas call centres etc.
>” we have lost the freedom for spontaneous conversations on the bus or a train?”
I am sure I have commented on LDV before, Midland Main Line, the operator before EMR, provided complimentary tea and coffee on their commuter trains, it was normal for a group of “strangers” sitting together, for one to go and get drinks for the table. It totally changed the atmosphere on those trains.
Get a DOG…
Walking mine on a beach I have met and spoken to more people than ever before…We swalkers are creatures of habit and walk at the same times most days; friendly dogs mean friendly people..
BTW, at home, you can have conversations with your dog, they are always interested in what you say and NEVER argue..
@expats
“Get a DOG…”
No chance – with my mobility problems I wouldn’t be able to exercise a dog.
Some people either living alone or seeing no-one during the working day describe the radio as being “for company”. I’m not sure that TV fills the gaps so effectively. If you are not into cookery competitions, dancing competitions and house values/improvements, live TV would appear to be shrinking. Meanwhile, in relation to Peter Wrigley’s spot-on comments on checkouts (I think W H Smith were the original culprits) if there is no choice then stores have to provide a paid human being to help other human beings who run into difficulty with self-service checkouts, which is not the most wonderful form of cost-cutting!
>” stores have to provide a paid human being to help other human beings who run into difficulty with self-service checkouts”
This is possibly surprisingly social. I have had “long” conversations with the human help, accepting that during the conversation they would be interrupted to help others, so my conversation wasn’t creating a queue…
It would be interesting to see some feedback back from the human assistants whose job is to ride automatically controlled vehicles. I remember the studies into the Docklands Light Railway where the presence of a human made a huge difference to people’s acceptance of the driverless trains. However, I doubt the transport police, in their “authority” uniforms achieve the same level of social engagement.
@ Nonconformistradical – “No chance – with my mobility problems I wouldn’t be able to exercise a dog”
Fully get this, for several years before my parents died, we used to regularly leave our dog with them, whilst we were out. Hence we worried about the feeding, exercising etc. for the last few months of my mothers life, our dog would sleep for hours on her lap with my mothers hand resting on her. So if you feel the regular presence of a pet might be something you want perhaps it might be worth looking at becoming a dog sitter, enabling neighbours to regularly leave their dog with you for a few hours whilst they are at work.
I don’t really feel I do need a regular presence of a pet – I spend a lot of time reading.
I haven’t lived in a house with a pet since my late teens.
I remember travelling on the Waterloo & City line (aka “the drain”) in the rush hour. As the people crush flowed down the slope to the platform, the idea of talking to one of the others would have made one realise the sheer terror of what one was actually doing. Imagining they were all blobs made it possible, if seriously unpleasant.
One of the top words chosen by children this time around was ‘kindness’. Age Concern could do so much more if they had more volunteers. As a 70 plus volunteer it seems to me to be a real problem that Community groups are strapped for.. volunteers.
Volunteers to run groups and to be there to ring a lonely person once a week. Volunteering is a kind thing to do and brings so much satisfaction to the volunteer. Just do it.