The Liberal Democrats are planning to abandon the iconic yellow colour scheme in favour of mauve, following a review by a boutique consultancy to “help the party live its best life”. 

The party is also thinking of changing its name to something more “on trend”. A spokesperson denied rumours that the party was suffering a midlife crisis. 

A slide deck, marked “Secret – but we’ll have to tell them eventually”, recommends a phased transition to a “trust-forward colour ecosystem”.

“Yellow, in stakeholder sentiment analysis, was described by participants as ‘loud,’ ‘a bit much,’ and ‘like being shouted at by a lemon’,” the report states. “Net Promoter Score for yellow among C2 swing voters in target marginals: minus 14. Recommendation: discontinue.”

It identifies a “colour equity gap” between the party’s current visual identity and its desired positioning as a “calm, competent alternative in a fragmented political landscape”. 

A slide headed “Emotional Resonance Mapping,” states: “Mauve occupies a unique position in the colour spectrum. Neither red nor blue, it simultaneously gestures toward both.” A footnote on the slide adds: “In a fragmented political landscape, this ambiguity is not a weakness. It is the brand.” 

Focus group participants described mauve as “quite pleasant”, “inoffensive” and “the colour of my nan’s bathroom”. The report notes: “These are strong trust indicators.”

The document recommends a three-phase transition: digital and social assets first, then print and physical materials, and ‌what the report calls “the lived clothing experience of members”, which it concedes “may require sensitive change management support”.

One long-serving activist in Twickenham, who owns 47 yellow items, including a dressing gown, has requested a transition period of “no fewer than eight years”. 

Members affected by the transition are to be offered compensation, though the scheme’s terms remain unclear. Members should retain receipts. 

Meanwhile, disposing of the party’s stock of yellow Corex diamond boards is understood to be causing considerable anxiety. 

Environmental campaigners have warned that yellow Corex, being essentially indestructible, will remain visible from low Earth orbit until approximately 2340. 

However, Highways England is said to be ‌interested in acquiring the boards for use as road hazard signs. Negotiations are ongoing. 

Phase two

The colour change, it emerges, is only the beginning. A second document, dated 1 April, reveals that new party names are being tested with focus groups. Options included the “Trust Us, We Won’t Screw It Up Party”, “The Endless Manifesto Party” (slogan: You can have whatever you want), the “None of the Above Party”, and the “UnReform Party”.

The report does not reveal which name performed best, noting only that “two names outperformed the control” and party apparatchiks are planning further testing “pending budget sign-off and clarification on what we actually stand for”.

One veteran activist, upon hearing the news, said: “We’ve spent fifty years being mistaken for the Labour Party and thirty being mistaken for the Conservatives. At least the None of the Above Party would be honest.”

The party leader will address the changes in a short video to be released at noon today, possibly at a nearby lake, subject to finding a mauve paddleboard.

The report was prepared by Prima Aprilis Partners (founded 1 April 2019) whose previous clients include the British Custard Pie Manufacturers Association. They were unavailable for comment. 

* Tom Reeve is a Liberal Democrat councillor in Kingston upon Thames