The Voice is grateful to Saoirse Cathal Kavan – a member of the Facebook group We got Rage Against the Machine to #1, we can get the Lib Dems into office! which is growing at a quite astonishing rate (over 80,000 members) – for allowing us to publish this alternative take on the leaders’ debate …

Tim from Bristol: If you were to come into power, how would your party change a broken light bulb?

Nick: We’d ensure that the people have the power to replace light bulbs when they break and also see to it that replacement light bulbs are much more energy-efficient and long-lasting.

Gordon: While we could replace a light bulb, the reality is that no light bulb is broken. Light bulbs today are also the brightest and most efficient than they’ve ever been.

David: Thank you for asking this vital question. A lady wrote to me last week telling me how every light bulb she has in her house has broken over the past 12 years of Labour government. Every single one. Only the Conservatives can bring real change to British light bulbs.

Gordon: The only reason the Tories would bring in new light bulbs would be to make David’s face look even shinier. The fact is, new light bulbs would only hinder Britain’s economic recovery and that is something Labour is unwilling to let happen. How would the Conservatives finance this exactly?

David: Recent studies have shown that it’s not the broken light bulbs that need changing. The real issue is, why do we even need light bulbs in the first place? I’ll tell you why. It’s because Britain is dark and it’s only getting darker. Not a day goes by where it doesn’t become so dark that it doesn’t become inevitable that at some point you will have to rely on a light bulb to even walk around your own home. Why has Labour allowed this continue for so long and why are they so in denial about it?

Gordon: We are not in denial, we just have the experience and the wisdom to realise that we are not alone in this problem. The rest of Europe knows, even America knows, that darkness is a global problem that affects everyone. However, this is not a problem that will just go away overnight. We all need to work together, both across our parties and with the wider world community to overcome darkness in a way that is fairer to everyone.

Nick: You know, the more you two talk, the more apparent it becomes that neither of you have a real understanding of this at all. Broken light bulbs just need replacing with new ones. It’s as simple as that

David: And where would you find the capital for these ‘simple’ plans to change light bulbs? You can’t talk of slashing £16bn of expenses and then say that you’ll do it by giving everyone free light bulbs for life. The numbers just don’t add up.

Gordon: I’m sure Nick will agree with me here, what Britain’s light bulb infrastructure need is solid, long-term investment in ensuring that Britain is prepared for when light bulbs break. We need continuous investment in Education, the NHS and the armed forces so that we able to prevent light bulbs from breaking. This is what Labour has done and is what it will continue to do. The Conservatives can talk all they want about change, but when it comes down to it the only people to benefit from their plans is the top 5% earners. This is why Labour has made a personal promise to every citizen that when their light bulbs break we will guarantee them access to an electrician within 2 weeks, and a light bulb changing operation within 3 weeks. David can’t make that promise, and Nick can’t make that promise.

Nick: What? Tim, going back to your question; broken light bulbs can be replaced with a new one. There is no need for any extra bureaucracy or politics.

Gordon: I agree with Nick.

David: I’m sorry Gordon but I just can’t agree with you on that. I agree with Nick and look forward to working with him in the future.