Don Liberali Messaggio di Natale

So, lot of people asking me, where you been? Last thing remember it 2008. I step outside Cowley Printworks for crafty cigarette with Don Clegg and all go very quiet.

See glint of sunlight on metal, trip over pile of discarded papers, (something about silly promises not worth keeping by Signor Alexander) and fall in front of Don Clegg.

After bang sounds, remember nothing until waking up in hospital few days ago.

Gotta say Family change quite a bit while away.

Walk down street in Little Sicily yesterday and where is the respect?

Liberali Junior minding show for me say we no longer popular with his cugine. Seem Don Clegg made pledge to all of them on April 1st to stop charging protection money, and none of them check the date.

This great gag by the Don go horribly wrong. Cugine not understand when we triple the rate and beat them with sticks.

They decide to torch some really important bus stops.

I gotta say not impressed. In my day we at least would have got a couple of lemon stands and a post office.

And what all this about Don Brown getting carted off to funny farm and the Labouristi being run by a kid off a shoe shine stand? No wonder we have a deal with Hollywood Don Cameron and the Conservatori.

And why all this moaning from Family about it? It perfect deal. They need brains, we need money.

When we get money we shoot them all in back and hit the mattresses. Like old times with Don Welshy.

Might be wise though if Signor Cable didn’t keep giving game away. He not so straight shot these days.

Understand there is bit of turf war going on in OldSaddlebag. Seem Labouristi Capo Phil Sheeparse got nobbled by Enforcers for linking his rivals to Triads. This matter of grave dishonour.

Sincerely hope then all good Liberali be going to OldSaddlebag to help Signor Nuttkins take his pitch.

Would go self, but bullet being removed from left buttock next week. Kind of ex-Capo ‘the Doctor’ Harris to offer. Feel good to see him back doing what best at.

Also sad to see Signor Opik no longer Capo in Dragonshire. No understand personally. Seem locals took dim view of him cavorting naked around the local pubs and offering to make their daughters famous.

I think it all go wrong for him when he break up with that nice umbrella shop girl and start hanging out with karaoke twins.

Signor Laws also not up to much, which quite a surprise. Turn out he been using Family money to buy show-tunes for best friend and so embarrassed by paparazzi exposure of Sound of Music 40th anniversary special edition that need long holiday.

He been real good to me though filling all blanks in memory. I did not know before for example that I such a fan of his Orange Boot – a guide to reuniting the Liberali Family by using very large Orange Boot. Understand Don Cameron huge fan.

So it good to be back. Not sure I start writing diary again. Don’t know these days whether I left or right handed.

Capo Hughes say this not uncommon problem in Family. He good man, always know when not to take a decision.

So Buon Natale Liberali!

Before his unexpected disappearance, Don Liberali was winner of the Lib Dem Most Humorous Blog of the Year 2007. He appears to be gathering some sort of Family reunion on Facebook.

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