If you know, congratulations – you are well qualified to work for Kent Police.
Share:- Most Read
- Recent Comments
- Op-eds
Search
Liberal Democrat Voice is an independent, collaborative website run by Liberal Democrat activists,
where any individual inside or outside the party can express their views. Views expressed on this website are those of the
individuals who express them and may not reflect those of the party.
Poll
-
Greater Manchester Scrutiny Pool 10 February 2012
-
Reform of SecondChamber (2)
-
Adult Social Care Roadshow To Visit Libraries Across Cambridgeshire
-
Adult Social Care Roadshow To Visit Libraries Across Cambridgeshire
-
What Lib Dem members think about Europe, Cameron's 'veto', and the Eurozone
-
Garston Park Art Project - next steps
-
West End Community Council - my February Update
-
New Who Post On Mindless Ones
-
Boltzmann And Boltzwomann
-
'This NHS Bill is Bad...' My latest blog post for The Huffington Post!
12 Comments
You could put some contraband in the balloon and pop it up your rectum, using the soap for lubricant, smuggle it in somewhere, and then ‘evacuate’ it later onto the blanket, thus not leaving a mess.
You’re just not being imaginative enough Mark!
If it was one of the long, thin balloons used for making balloon animals then:
Scenario: Locked door, key in the lock on the otherside.
- Push blanket underneath door,
- Put balloon in lock and blow up. This pushes the key out onto the blanket.
- Pull back blanket and then use the key to open the door.
- Go into the room and close door.
- Press key into soap to obtain impression.
- Wipe key with blanket to get rid of fingerprints and soap residue.
- Put key back in lock and lock the door from the inside.
- Climb out window.
You can now make a key for that room and gain access whenever you want.
Put the soap inside the balloon for a home-made kosh. Wrap the body up in the blanket.
Smash and grab raid: hold soap tightly in hand, wrap blanket round arm, smash window, steal goods, leave balloon as baffling criminal calling card.
Kidnapping: inflate balloons, arrange in the shape of a body on public highway, cover with blanket. Await bystander. Position soap so that bystander slips on it. Leap out of hiding, whip blanket off balloons and cover bystander. (N.b. this requires chloroform as well – did they seize any of that? No? Oh well, nearly there).
Apple-scrumping: arrange blanket beneath tree to catch apples. Put soap inside stretchy balloon, whirl round head in manner of slingshot and aim into tall apple tree. Let go. Apples fall.
Aha! We were clearly thinking along the same lines…
Actually, I would much prefer to be in your criminal gang – sounds so much more fun.
Press bird seed into the soap, then use the blanket as a slingshot to shoot the soap into the jet engine of a stationary plane. As the engine fires up, the soap melts and birds fly in, attracted by the seed. Birdstrike brings down the plane in a stunning victory for the eco-campaigners, who then celebrate by holding a party with the balloons.
It can’t fail, I tell you.
Blow up the balloons and make a balloon dog. Tear up the blanket and put it over the balloons so it looks like a Komondor. Take it to crufts and try to win best in breed. Failing that, sneak it into the enclosure of another komondor breeder, put the soap around its mouth area then say it has rabies and that it bit you – try and fraudulently win compensation.
Lib Dems are clearly a lot more nefarious than I realised!
Not sure if I’m scared or impressed by some of these comments…
If it’s heavily scented you could use the soap to distract sniffer dogs and in the ensuing confusion, use the balloons to float your contraband out to sea, wrapped in a blanket where a boat will be waiting in international waters ready to receive the Grey Squirrel you’ve sold them.
Steal the bar of soap then fgov in your balloon with your blanket.