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Category Archives: Humour

Memo from Phil Woolas to Labour MPs

By Mark Pack | Wed 10th November 2010 - 7:57 pm

MEMO

From: Phil Woolas
To: Labour Party MPs

Dear colleague,

Thanks for speaking up about how outrageous it is for the courts to oust someone elected by the public with a surprise ruling that sets an awful legal precedent for what was a spur of the moment decision people made during the election.

As the media are building up a welcome interest in the number of MPs who share your views and mine, I have prepared the following brief notes to help you avoid any snarky questions from journalists on this topic.

DON’T say it’s awful for someone the public elected to be ousted from office …

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Tagged phil woolas | 11 Comments

Is the Met’s secret joker now penning words for Boris Johnson?

By Mark Pack | Thu 28th October 2010 - 8:40 am

I only ask, because after the Met Police’s triumphant document that stated it would “Contribute to the step change in the walking experience”, we now have London Mayor Boris Johnson talking of “my role driving forward the Cycling Revolution”.

Also posted in London | Tagged boris johnson | 2 Comments

Top Trump politicos – who’s the most fanciable of them all?

By Iain Roberts | Tue 21st September 2010 - 10:53 am

Politicos Top Trumps Specials – conference 2010 – are here. The chance to do top-trumpy battle with MPs well known and not so well known from across the political spectrum.

And alongside the fairly cut-and-dried majority and years in parliament categories, there are three that may cause a little more disagreement amongst the onlookers, not to mention the all-important write-ups of each member.

“Millionaire environmentalist” Zac Goldsmith may have the top fanciability – a storming 100 – but may be a little disappointed to be given a potential of just 3/10.

Even Eric Pickles might find it hard to …

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Also posted in Conference | 2 Comments

A Glee-ful invitation to Labour

By Gareth Epps | Thu 16th September 2010 - 1:57 pm

In just five days the Liberal Democrat Conference will be gearing up to what for some is the highlight of their week. The tradition will again be honoured of singing songs from the history of Liberalism as well as more recent topical and light-hearted offerings. There will be a brand new edition of the Liberator Songbook with new songs, and I’m sure some offerings to mark the return of Liberals to Government.

A further tradition of the Glee Club is that new MPs ‘do a turn’; we know some of them are regular members of the Glee Club, …

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Also posted in Conference | Tagged glee club, liberator, liberator song book and tony blair | 14 Comments

“When two ride astride, one must ride behind”

By Stephen Tall | Sun 1st August 2010 - 9:45 am

Okay, the poster’s exactly 100 years old – and the issue highlighted here is Asquith’s Liberal government’s attempts to reform the House of Lords – but somehow it was the caption which to me seemed to resonate down the years into these Coalition days:

(From the LSE archives: COLL MISC 0519-053).

For others it may bring to mind Ming Campbell’s nag in Five Days that Changed Britain: “If you have a dog… for long enough, eventually you begin to look like your pet. Well, if you have a coalition …

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Tagged asquith and Ming Campbell | 10 Comments

Do you pass the Lib Dem test? The 13 Yes/No questions that will give you your answer

By Stephen Tall | Fri 4th June 2010 - 11:20 am

With a tip of our hat to the Daily Mail – which today asks its readers 13 questions so they can tell if they’re posh or not – Lib Dem Voice presents our special How Lib Dem are you? test:

(Click on the image to enlarge).

All you have to do is answer ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to the following questions to get your answer …

1. Do you complain about long driveways and low letterboxes after an afternoon’s leaflet delivery?
2. Do you obsessively count the number of garden posters of the different parties

…

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Tagged featured | 45 Comments

So. Farewell Then Labservative.com

By Stephen Tall | Tue 18th May 2010 - 12:25 pm

So. Farewell
Then
Labservative.com

Spoof Lib Dem website
Which introduced the
World to
Gorvid Camerown.

Yes. You are
The first victim of
The coalition cuts.

65 years of
Two-party rule
Was your catchphrase.

You just
Never said
Which two parties.

Now gone from the web
Twitter and YouTube.

But we shall
Always have
The memories.

Rest in
Taking the piss.

EJ Thribb (17½)

Also posted in General Election | Tagged labservative | 8 Comments

Re-elect Danny Alexander to bring real change

By Iain Roberts | Wed 12th May 2010 - 8:44 pm

Private Eye’s Electionballs has this entry

The Conservatives weren’t the only ones using the “change” mantra whether it made sense or not. Highland Lib Dem Danny Alexander’s “local news” sheet made the bizarre plea: “Re-elect Danny to bring real change”.

Before Thursday, Danny’s constituents had a Labour government. Danny is now Secretary of State for Scotland, having been a member of the Lib Dem negotiation team that brought about the first government with Lib Dem or Liberal ministers in over sixty years.

Yep, I’d say that counted as “real change”.

Tagged Danny Alexander and private eye | 15 Comments

The flow diagram which shows you who to vote for

By Stephen Tall | Sun 25th April 2010 - 11:40 am

(Hat-tip: Andrew Sparrow’s Guardian live-blog, this chart originated on b3ta.com).

Also posted in General Election | 22 Comments

Surprising lines in new LD merch

By Alex Foster | Wed 21st April 2010 - 10:46 pm

So, what feels like an age past, but was in fact only 10 days ago, we brought you news of a David Heath action figure dreamed up by some whizzy PR firm.

No doubt hoping to get a second bite at the cherry, they’ve hopped on the Cleggmobile to bring out a Lib Dem leader version of the publicity stunt.

It gets top billing on this blog post at NOTW who then try to outdo themselves with Nick-based puns around all sorts of other party merchandise they’ve found. Everything from Nick Clegg sunrise sneakers to a dog vest, in case …

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Tagged action figure, fancy, merchandise, news of the world, nick clegg and nick clegg action figure | Leave a comment

Factoid: Clegg now more popular than Cable

By Alex Foster | Wed 21st April 2010 - 9:45 pm

Of some passing interest is this little factoid that Politics Home press released last night:

In PoliticsHome’s weekly tracker, Nick Clegg has become the most popular politician in the country

Nick Clegg’s approval rating in PoliticsHome’s weekly tracker has risen by a massive 35 points in the week following the first leaders’ debate.

He has now overtaken Vince Cable to become the most popular politician in the country.

Where to start with the interestingness? Most popular politician in the country? A mixed acolade at best. Yeah, he’s popular, but he’s still one of those awful politicians.

Risen by a massive 35 points? …

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Tagged nick clegg, popularity contest, prom queen and vince cable | 5 Comments

The Cut-Out Debate Question … How would you change a broken light bulb?

By The Voice | Sun 18th April 2010 - 4:40 pm

The Voice is grateful to Saoirse Cathal Kavan – a member of the Facebook group We got Rage Against the Machine to #1, we can get the Lib Dems into office! which is growing at a quite astonishing rate (over 80,000 members) – for allowing us to publish this alternative take on the leaders’ debate …

Tim from Bristol: If you were to come into power, how would your party change a broken light bulb?

Nick: We’d ensure that the people have the power to replace light bulbs when they break and also see to it that replacement light bulbs are

…

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Also posted in Op-eds | 1 Comment

Attempt to set world record for most enthusiastic backer of election candidate narrowly fails

By Mark Pack | Wed 14th April 2010 - 12:50 pm

Also posted in General Election | 3 Comments

Tory VAT tax rises and Michael Caine … the spoof posters collection

By Stephen Tall | Fri 9th April 2010 - 8:20 am

On the day that the Lib Dems tried to smoke out the Tories’ true position on whether they’ll jack-up VAT by 3% – annual cost to the average household, £389 – to pay for their unfunded tax-cuts, David Cameron was joined by a man worth £45m who rather likes the Tories’ promise to cut taxes for the wealthiest at the expense of everyone else.

Full marks to Lib Dem HQ who were smartly on the case to splice the two stories memorably together:

Lib Dem blogger Mark Thompson had his own pithy take on it:

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Also posted in General Election | Tagged conservative party, featured, mark thompson and vat | 7 Comments

LDVideo: April (paywall) Fool

By Helen Duffett | Thu 1st April 2010 - 5:32 pm

In case you missed Lib Dem Voice’s April 1st joke:

Also available on YouTube here.

We told readers this morning:

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Tagged april fool, paywall and shameless fundraising ploy | 2 Comments

Labservative: the party hits the streets to find out what the public thinks

By Mark Pack | Wed 31st March 2010 - 9:34 pm

“This is a man. This is a street. Let’s talk Labservative.” More Alan Partridge than your usual Party Political Broadcast fare:

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Also posted in General Election and Online politics | Tagged labservative | 7 Comments

Labservative.com: reaction so far

By Mark Pack | Tue 30th March 2010 - 7:14 pm

Earlier today Stephen covered the launch of www.labservative.com saying,

The Labservative pitch is clear enough: Labour and the Tories are way too similar, and neither is capable of producing change. It’s a familiar enough Lib Dem campaign charge. It’s a pleasantly unfamiliar position for the party to be making the point in a wittily Web 2.0 way. Well done, Cowley Street!

The site is already doing very well at garnering coverage – and positive coverage no less (did someone mutter CashGordon?):

Lib Dems target ‘Labservatives’ with guerilla advertising campaign – The Guardian
The Lib Dems have launched quite an effective site

…

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Also posted in General Election and Online politics | Tagged labservative | 21 Comments

Lib Dems launch Labservative.com

By Stephen Tall | Tue 30th March 2010 - 4:10 pm

Lib Dems still reeling from Vince Cable’s debate victory in Ask the Chancellors, have another reason to be reeling today … the party has launched a subversive multimedia viral ad campaign – www.labservative.com – and it’s a 24-carat success.

The Labservative pitch is clear enough: Labour and the Tories are way too similar, and neither is capable of producing change. It’s a familiar enough Lib Dem campaign charge. It’s a pleasantly unfamiliar position for the party to be making the point in a wittily Web 2.0 way. Well done, Cowley Street!

Here’s the video:

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Also posted in General Election and Online politics | Tagged labservative | 7 Comments

A bit of musical fun from Beau Bo D’Or

By Mark Pack | Thu 18th March 2010 - 1:20 pm

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Tagged lord ashcroft | Leave a comment

Pro-Lib Dem bias at the BBC shocker

By Mark Pack | Tue 9th March 2010 - 10:51 pm

Of course, I read that caption from earlier today as a mark of praise rather than of exasperation:

Tagged bbc and chris huhne | 4 Comments

Student visas – Sir Les Patterson’s message of thanks to everyone Down Under

By The Voice | Tue 9th March 2010 - 7:16 pm

Last month Labour home secretary Alan Johnson announced tougher rules for students wishing to gain visas to study in the UK. Lib Dem Voice reader Ian Lawrence has passed us this thank you message from Australia’s Cultural Attache aka Sir Les Patterson …

G’day. Just heard my little possums that ahead of Labour’s March Visa rules, one group of Turkish students has decided not to go to Bournemouth but to spend tens of thousands in Australia instead – makes a change from Indians. The first of many groups I hope

…

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Alistair Darling: how wild a conspiracy theory do you want, or is it just about the Budget?

By Mark Pack | Wed 24th February 2010 - 8:37 pm

So, how to explain what Alistair Darling has been up to with his comments about Number 10 unleashing the forces of hell on him?

Let’s go for the carefully plotted conspiracy theories first (warning: may contain irony).

Explanation number one: it’s all a clever plot to make sure the Conservatives win the general election and are then crippled for a generation by having to carry out huge spending cuts. After all, look at the damage winning in 1992 did to the Conservative Party in the long run. This is a consistent, long-term and well thought out plot of course because each time …

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Also posted in Op-eds | Tagged alistair darling and gordon brown | 5 Comments

Labour MP in “Who does my job, again?” confusion

By Iain Roberts | Wed 24th February 2010 - 10:10 am

Every now and again, some opinion poll or other asks people to name their own MP and politocos tutt when, invariably, a good proportion fail the test.

But, if you were to speak to every MP and ask them who the MP for their own constituency is, you’d hope for a better result.

Sadly, news reaches us that at least one MP may be unsure.

Dawn Butler, Labour MP for Brent South, held a coffee morning on Friday with Rt Hon Paul Boateng MP.

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Tagged dawn butler and paul boateng | 1 Comment

Is this the new Tory slogan?

By Stephen Tall | Sat 20th February 2010 - 8:45 pm

For the Lib Dems it’s Building a fairer Britain …

For Labour it’s A future fayre free-for-all (or something) …

But for the Tories, David Cameron seems to be adopting an unusually honest approach, according to this PoliticsHome.com teaser:

The Conservative Party is not for many.

Admitting it is the first step, I guess.

7 Comments

Tories’ policies recalled as economic model proves unroad-worthy

By Stephen Tall | Tue 9th February 2010 - 10:50 am

(With thanks to today’s Guardian).

The Tories were today forced to recall a consignment of hybrid policies following widespread complaints that their economic model failed when it encountered bumpy or slippery surfaces. The party is already facing criticism over the recent recall of many of its other policies, including marriage tax-breaks, which have been affected by the potentially dangerous acceleration towards an election.

The Tory leadership of David Cameron and George Osborne are due to give details of their latest recall today, and on most other days leading up to 6th May. “We’ve tried applying the brakes,” they admitted, “but the …

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Also posted in Op-eds | Tagged featured | 5 Comments

Revealed: the Lib-Con pact election poster

By Stephen Tall | Sun 10th January 2010 - 10:45 am

Liberals and Conservatives united together in a British general election to fight for freedom and vanquish Big State corporatism:

Over half a century ago, mind.

***

Disclaimer: this poster, photographed by me, is from the Bodleian Library’s modern political papers archive – copyright is believed to reside still with the party. Could Cowley Street please contact me if they wish this image to be removed.

Tagged bodleian library oxford | 40 Comments

Daily Mail: it’s a scary place

By Alex Foster | Wed 30th December 2009 - 9:24 am

As a paid up member of the liberal élite that’s ruining our country, I do like to pop over to Daily Mail Island every now and again to see what’s exercising the minds of Britain’s tablerati.

This week had two eye-poppingly awful pieces that I just had to pick up on.

Firstly, Leo McKinstry’s sensitive, and thought provoking piece deftly picking at the complex moral issues surrounding the execution in China of Akmal Shaikh: HEROIN TRAFFICKERS DESERVE TO DIE.

No, wait, sensitive and thought provoking it is not. For a line-by-line demolition of the mountains of crud streaming forth from the piece, …

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Also posted in News | Tagged akmal shaikh, charity, crisis, daily mail, homeless, homelessness, leo mckinley, liz jones, salvation army and shelter | 10 Comments

Probably the best election address, ever

By Mark Pack | Mon 21st December 2009 - 1:10 pm

In the last year, I’ve brought you the best headline in a Labour leaflet, ever and one of the very best Conservative leaflets, ever. Now as a special pre-Christmas treat, it’s time for probably the best election address, ever. I’ve only got the first four lines though, as you’ll see, that is probably enough.

Step forward Dennis Skinner and his 1979 effort, written entirely in verse:

The election is here again, nine years since my first try,
How strange that the issues haven’t changed by and by,
The Tory leader then was Ted Heath, who promised you less tax
Lower prices, and civil

…

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Tagged dennis skinner | 2 Comments

Macbrown – a Synopsis

By Rachel Smith | Sat 12th December 2009 - 3:45 pm

Hat-tip and sincere apologies to Master Shakespeare.

In a thunderstorm, three witches decide to meet again on the heath “after the deed is done.”

Next, a captain reports to King Dunblair that Macbrown beat MacMajorwald in battle. Darling adds that the Thane of Cawdor was traitorous to them during the battle.

The three witches confront Macbrown and Banqleson (the Dark Lord) on their way home from the battle. They predict that Macbrown will be King of Scotland, and Banqleson, though never King himself, will beget rulers.

The witches leave and Darling informs Macbrown that he has inherited the title Thane …

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Also posted in Op-eds | Tagged gordon brown and william shakespeare | 2 Comments

Biscuitgate proponents left with custard on face

By Alex Foster | Wed 28th October 2009 - 1:55 pm

Remember “Biscuitgate” – which Stephen reported on last week – the apparent inability of the Prime Minister to decide which sort of biscuit he liked?

Turns out there’s not a crumb of truth in it. Private Eye’s Adam MacQueen reports for First Post:

“Being more decisive would spare the Prime Minister needless embarrassment” declared the leader column of the Times, and even David Cameron weighed in at Prime Minister’s Questions: “Are we really going to spend another six months with a Prime Minister who cannot give a straight answer, who cannot pass his own legislation, and who sits in his bunker not even able to decide what sort of biscuits he wants to eat?”

Except, er, no one asked him. As Mumsnet founder Justine Roberts has now clarified in a posting on the website, the biscuit question proposed by various messageboard users was never put to Gordon Brown in the hour that he devoted to the interview.

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Also posted in News | Tagged biscuitgate, gordon brown and mumsnet | 10 Comments

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