Tag Archives: humour

Elon Musk shows Lib Dems the way

Elon Musk, in his finite wisdom, is axing the Twitter bird logo in favour of the letter X. This follows his recent decision to rebadge the company as X Corp. 

‘What’s this got to do with me?’ I hear you say. ‘I’m a Lib Dem and I’ve got leaflets to deliver.’ Yes, you do have leaflets to deliver, but stay with me – this could be a golden opportunity for the Lib Dems, but only if we have the courage to seize it.

In the infinite reaches of his multidimensional consciousness, Musk has realised the truth about birds: they’re boring. (In fact, they probably don’t even exist )

It’s visionary stuff, right? I mean, what do birds do for us, apart from inspire us with their majestic soaring and melodious tunes? Birds may be the descendants of the dinosaurs and have colonised every continent on Earth including Antarctica, but can they make a cheese sandwich or send a Tweet? No, they opted for beautiful plumage rather than hands – that was their choice, now they have to live with it. 

So, he’s going to axe the blue bird of acrimony and replace it with – surprise, surprise – an X.  As letters go, there are so many reasons to use X. It’s a structurally sound letter, it’s associated with mystery, it’s the 24th letter in the alphabet. Pirates use it on maps, mathematicians use it in equations, and Musk names all his bloomin’ companies after it. 

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What has made Tim Farron happy today?

To make you laugh this lunchtime.

Tim Farron has just posted this on Twitter.

Someone had taken time out of their day to write to Viz, a Farron favourite, to say:

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Fantasy dinner party – who would be your guests?

On Monday, the Conservatives held their summer party fundraiser. The top lot was dinner with Boris Johnson and his rivals Theresa May and David Cameron. The Dinner of the Century – so-called to avoid inviting Johnson critic John Major – went for £120,000 to a donor who appears to be too embarrassed to be named publicly.

Setting aside the important point that it is somewhat sick to splash out £120,000 on a dinner when the money could have been more usefully donated to foodbanks, the event has got Newsmoggie thinking.

Who would you select as your guests at your own Dinner of the Centuries? Note the plural here. You are allowed to invite people whose public role was in the last century and even fantasise about inviting long dead people.

Please include a brief explanation for your choice. No essays please!

The best entries will receive an appreciative purr from Newsmoggie.

Posted in Humour | 2 Comments

Saturday fun: Jamie Stone, Hen Whisperer

Fresh from his triumph at last week’s Edinburgh South Burns Supper, where he wowed the audience with his Toast to the Lassies (none of which is publishable in public), Jamie Stone has released a hilarious video on Twitter.Enjoy!

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Lib Dem parliamentarians Disneyfied

There’s an app on your friendly neighbourhood app store called Toon me.

It enables you to make cartoon images from photographs.

To cheer us all up, Oxford Lib Dem James Cox has put some of our party VIPS through this.

He started with the MPs:

By popular demand, he then started on the MSPs

Here’s Beatrice Wishart, Liam McArthur and Mike Rumbles

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Jamie Stone and the Runaway Pea

Winter has hit this week, the best case scenario on future trade with the EU is that our Government is going to agree to something that destroys the beautiful castle we have become used to and leaves just a rickety drawbridge over a shark infested moat and 25000 jobs are to be lost with the collapse of just two retail giants. It’s been a grim few days and we know there’s worse to come in this most anxious of Decembers.

Across the country people are trying to cheer themselves up. Christmas lights have been going up here since mid November in an attempt to brighten the gloom.

Something guaranteed to bring a smile is LIb Dem MP for Caithness, Sutherland and Ross reads a story on Twitter to the primary 4 (Green) class of Noss Primary School in Wick. Enjoy.

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Do you owe the Young Liberals any money?

There was a bit of late night amusement over the weekend as the Young Liberals publicised this page on their website inviting all of us to pay a penance if we had referred to them by their organisation’s previous name:

https://twitter.com/LibDemLaura/status/1279535069896605699?s=20

(Image shows two tweets, one by me, saying “We have all done this at some point so we should all give something. Everyone deserves to be referred to by their name. My problem is that this has now reminded me of its former incarnation which I thought I had expunged from my brain.” Laura Gordon replies saying “Setting up the page like that is basically entrapment, but, you know what, well played, English Young Liberals.”`)

The reason that this became an issue is that some senior figures in the party who should know better submitted a motion to Conference with the former name in it. I suspect that the Federal Conference Committee will kindly resolve this by way of a drafting amendment so nobody will ever know unless they read this article.

I did give them a small donation, and if we all did that, it would make a big difference to their campaigns on housing and mental health. 

This got me thinking about all the previous generations of the organisation. I joined the Young Social Democrats back in 1983. I think I was the most northern member at the time. It was a bit of a novelty for my central belt based colleagues to have someone up in Caithness. That organisation distinguished itself with the slogan “Have you got the guts to vote SDP?” The equivalent organisation in the Liberal Party was the Young Liberals.

I was instinctively a Liberal rather than a Social Democrat. Primarily it was issues around freedom, civil liberties and human rights that motivated me. However, I chose to join the SDP because in Caithness their average age was around 50 while the average age of the Liberals was a lot older than that.

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Dillie Keane’s song for Dominic Cummings

Today’s entertainment comes courtesy of Dillie Keane’s hard-hitting, furious and funny song about Dominic Cummings. MPs should sing this in the corridors of Westminster next week as they are forced back unnecessarily putting themselves and Parliamentary staff at risk.

Or watch on You Tube here.

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Election fun: Campaign Trail companions

Meet Tigger. He is helping Edinburgh North and Leith’s Elaine Ford write blue envelopes.

A cold, dark Winter election has its bright spots and many of them involve animals.

Alex Cole-Hamilton made a friend while out canvassing too..

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Mistaken identity.

Oh dear.

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Jamie Stone teases DUP over confidence and supply arrangement

Our Jamie Stone is known for his inimitable comic timing and sense of humour.

Last night he earned himself a telling off from Speaker John Bercow after he waved a credit card at DUP leader Nigel Dodds who was extolling the virtues of the confidence and supply arrangement which saved Theresa May’s Government. The agreement famously bought the party off with an extra billion quid over five years for Northern Ireland.

It seemed that even Dodds was trying hard not to laugh at Jamie’s gesture:

https://twitter.com/idvck/status/1085618487471546369

Speaker John Bercow may have been amused too, but he intervened:

Mr Stone, that is very unseemly behaviour. Normally you behave with great dignity in this place; calm yourself, man—get a grip.

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The Lib Dem Press Office celebrates Eurovision

It’s become something of a tradition for the Lib Dem Press Office to offer a bit of a random and amusing commentary as Eurovision unfolds.

Here are some of the highlights:

One country making Brexiteer level of promise:

The thing is that unless you are watching this live, it’s not always clear what they are talking about. Anyone want to hazard any guesses …

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The lighter side of Brexit – why we staged our April 1st satire

“The town that wants its own Brexit” was of course a spoof story, but the people are real enough. For Dick Vos read Richard Vos, Liberal Democrat party organiser for Stratford- upon-Avon. Jack Prince, in case you didn’t guess, is myself. We are members of Stratford4Europe, one of the more active and dynamic of the regional pro-European groups.

What we were aiming to do was to inject a bit of humour into the Brexit debate, which has got somewhat bogged down in sterile circular arguments. Humour can cut through the ice where intellectual arguments fail. It can also be therapeutic. Laughter is the best medicine, as they say. So in healing the wounds of a deeply divided nation, it should have some value.

We have certainly found that is true in the case of the Brexit café, a local initiative pioneered by Sophie West which has brought together Remainers and Leavers for friendly discussions. Whilst not comedy, this relies on good humour. At the national level there are initiatives such as the ‘Number 10 Vigil’ – live songs and entertainment featuring a lookalike Boris Johnson, which is no longer confined to Downing Street but has been travelling around the country on the Brexit Truth Bus.

Satire is often the best way to make serious points. For example, the folly of the First World War was poignantly highlighted by the film “Oh! What a Lovely War”, and with no loss of respect for the great fallen. Similarly “The town that wants its own Brexit” highlights the constraints of parochial thinking, with no loss of respect for Leavers.

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“Cook along with Miriam”

Spotted in Saturday’s Guardian, an article in a series of celebrity cooking with a difference, where Stephen Bush attempts to cook meals suggested by celebrities and comments on how he got on. It would be fair to say that he wasn’t impressed with Paul Newman…

Miriam González Durántez, on the other hand, seems to have been rather more convincing;

On Wednesday I make meatballs. Because González Durántez – or “Notorious MGD” as I have taken to referring to her – is a badass, her recipe for her children’s meatballs includes a glass of white

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Coffee break fun: Kate Hoey airbrushes out her Lib Dem rival

Kate Hoey must be feeling threatened by her local Lib Dem candidate George Turner. As one of the most prominent advocates of Brexit in a heavily Remain voting constituency, (not to mention having to campaign on Jeremy Corbyn’s manifesto), her jacket is, shall we say, on a shoogly peg.

The other day, she tweeted a photo of an event at a school in her constituency. If you look in the back row, you will see Sarah Olney. Next to Sarah Olney is a pair of legs without a head. They belong to George Turner who has been airbrushed out.

Speaking to the Belfast Telegraph, George Turner said:

“I saw Kate tweeted and I thought it was a bit strange as I remembered standing on stage next to Sarah Olney. I was thinking: ‘Did I move?’ But all the time Kate spoke I was stood next to Sarah.

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Fun on the Campaign Trail #2: “Smell my spaniel”

Paul has already shown us the pictures of Bonnie, the gorgeous cockapoo who delighted everyone on Tim Farron’s visit to Cambridge the other day.

But Bonnie had a starring role in one of the funniest events of the week:

From ITV

Video footage showed Mr Farron approaching the dog, which was wearing a yellow Liberal Democrat rosette, before saying: “Smell my spaniel”.

Mr Farron owns a black and white springer spaniel called Jasper, and often posts pictures on social media of the two of them together.

It appears Mr Farron may have been suggesting that the campaigner’s dog could smell Jasper’s scent on

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The best of today’s fake news

We hope you enjoyed our little bit of April 1 fun – although from the comments it seems that some took it seriously. Anyone want to have a guess as to which member of the team came up with this? I got it wrong when I read it for the first time. I then asked the rest of the team and got a variety of answers – but with two main suspects. The author has, since I first wrote this,  revealed themselves on Facebook – so if you’ve seen that, don’t spoil it.

Sadly, it doesn’t seem that the Government’s Brexit strategy was a slow-burning April Fool after all.

Here are some delights of the day that I’ve found. Feel free to add any others that tickled your fancy in the comments.

First up, I always knew that Neil Fawcett was a rascal, but how dare he seek to deprive us of the gently soothing rhythm of the risograph producing our leaflets.

Secondly,  Mark Pack is very good at challenging our core assumptions. He suggests here that we may be about to campaign FOR potholes. 

Iceland Foods are now doing frozen flowers, apparently:

And Aldi Scotland has health and safety in mind.

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The other songs the Lib Dems could have chosen at the end of Tim’s speech…

This was the song that played as Tim Farron left the hall today.

An inspired choice.

The performer is referenced in his speech here:

Patriots love their country, nationalists hate their neighbours.

I am a patriot.

The fact that in 1990 I kissed the TV when David Platt scored against Belgium in the last minute of injury time doesn’t mean I hate Guy Verhofstadt…or Tin Tin…or Plastic Bertrand, or any of the other large number of very, very famous Belgians.

Of course, looking at this list of Top Ten Famous Belgians, it would have been equally appropriate to have something from the musical My Fair Lady, as its star, Audrey Hepburn, was born in Brussels.

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Well that’s one way to say goodbye to your colleague….

Clarkey Cat Carmichael onesieAdam Clarke, the Scottish Party’s rugby playing Director of Communications left this week. We will miss him.

Normally when you leave, you get a present and lots of kind words are said about you. That all happened with Adam, but his colleagues went one step further.

They gave the Herald newspaper the rather fetching photograph of Adam in his going away present from his previous job,  researcher for Alistair Carmichael. You can only hope that the Orkney and Shetland MP gave him something more than a onesie with his face on it. Let’s hope it was to cushion the many bottles of Orkney whiskies Scapa and Highland Park that accompanied them.

The photo of Alistair was, I think, taken for Liberal Youth’s Bears for Belarus campaign back in 2012.

One particular colleague grassed up to the Herald another memorable Clarke moment.

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Nick Clegg helps children learn budgeting skills

I’m reading David Laws’ Coalition at the moment and one of the recurring themes is the drama and tribulation around virtually every budget and Autumn Statement. Pulling all the measures together involved tortuous and protracted intrigue as both coalition parties tried to advance their own policy priorities – and the Liberal Democrats usually came out on top.

So it amused me when I saw an article in his local Sheffield newspaper showing Nick practising some different but no less important budgeting skills – helping young children learn financial skills at a primary school in his constituency.

It had been a Lib Dem priority to get some sort of financial skills education on to the curriculum. The Star has the details:

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Wounded Liberal Democrats (Canine injury branch) founded #libdemsbiteback

tony and pw2Here’s a photograph of a very special occasion on Friday evening. At Newbury’s Corn Exchange (a venue which may well go down alongside the Norbreck Castle hotel, Blackpool in Lib Dem history) there was the inaugural meeting of Wounded Liberal Democrats (canine injury branch).

Our photo shows Tony Ferguson (eve of poll dog bite in Portsmouth while campaigning for Gerald Vernon-Jackson’s highly successful team) and Paul Walter (dog bite while pushing in a “We called on you today” leaflet in Elizabeth O’Keeffe’s victorious gain from the Tories in Newbury Victoria). These two have over sixty years Liberal party/Liberal Democrat campaigning experience between them (so perhaps they should have known better before annoying my fellow hounds – Newshound)

Posted in Humour and Party policy and internal matters | Also tagged | 16 Comments

Ten ways Willie Rennie made Scotland smile during #sp16

Many of the defining images of the election in Scotland have come from Willie Rennie. He has had a lot of serious points to make during this election, highlighting the need to invest in education, transform mental health, stand up for civil liberties, protect the planet from climate change and stop the SNP’s suffocating control and centralisation of public services, but he’s had tonnes of fun illustrating them.

In 2006, his by-election victory in Dunfermline was helped by an image on the front page of the Courier from the top of the Forth Rail Bridge. He’s had some similarly fantastic photos and videos this campaign.  On Monday he went go-karting and his photo on the podium afterwards, doing the “Schumi Jump” that Michael Schumacher always used to do when he won, made it into virtually every paper.

His bright and exuberant campaign has had loads of coverage and has caught people’s imagination. You know you are on the right track when people start repeating your campaign messages on the doorsteps. From a very challenging outlook, he has brought the party to the very real possibility of gaining a constituency seat against the SNP tomorrow. The media is watching Edinburgh Western and Alex Cole-Hamilton.

A lot of these photo-ops were very risky. Some could have been disastrous. Imagine the headlines if the canoe had capsized. Of course, one did go memorably wrong, but a few packets of Percy Pigs later, the journalists were laughing with rather than at us.

The manifesto launch was bright, exuberant and unforgettable. He got interviewed on a slide, for goodness sake.

There was the day they let him fly a plane.

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WATCH: Obama’s final White House Correspondents’ Dinner

Obama’s rocked all of his 8 speeches at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. This year is full of occasions that will be his last in the White House. It took me a while to warm to him, but he’s certainly been one of the best US Presidents of my lifetime. He hasn’t got it all right, by any manner of means, but his tenacity in getting his healthcare reform through despite everything the Republicans threw at it was particularly commendable.

Anyway, this speech doesn’t quite have a Lion King moment, but the bit where he has a go at Prince George was hilarious.

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A surprising gap in David Laws’ knowledge

Last night, Biteback Publishing held a party to celebrate the launch of David Laws’ book, Coalition.

The Times (£) has an amusing anecdote from the event:

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Which shaggy dog story made you laugh the most?

On Friday, we couldn’t resist boosting the signal of Ben Rathe’s hilarious post about how he ended up unknowingly arranging a visit at what by night is a notorious dogging site in Glasgow.

A fair chunk of the country’s press found Ben’s article worth reproducing, from The Sun, to the Herald, to the Metro, the Huffington Post, the Spectator and the Daily Record. Some of the accompanying photos of Nick are hilarious.

Again, there’s more reason to love our press team:

A spokesman for the Lib Dems said: “As media coverage of the event shows it was the perfect spot, being a well-known nature reserve, to launch our policy.”

He added: “Whatever people get up to in their own time, is up to them.”

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Tim Farron and his Christmas cards

The press have been commenting on the various leaders’ and parties’ Christmas cards.

The Independent was pretty scathing about all of them apart from Tim Farron’s, with a headline “All of the political leaders’ Christmas cards are rubbish (apart from Tim Farron’s). ”

His card is this one, designed by 11 year old Ami Woodburn from a school in Tim’s constituency.

Tim Farron's sleigh Christmas card 2015

 

This is where the mystery really begins, though, because the Guardian shows a different card for Tim:

Tim Farron's penguin christmas card 2015

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The #libdemFRIGHTback is go: The 2015 Liberal Democrat Voice Pumpkin Parade

It’s Hallowe’en. It’s dark. The streets are starting to fill with witches, goblins, ghouls, zombies and all sorts of scary creatures.

It’s time for the 2015 Liberal Democrat Voice Pumpkin Parade. What have talented Liberal Democrats round the country been carving? Have a reminder of what they produced two years ago.

Don’t for a minute think that we invented that hashtag, by the way. It came from Lib Dem organiser Alice Megan and it’s for that reason that she’s kicking off our festivities:

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The first key difference in the Liberal Democrat leadership race emerges

So, we have a key difference between the two contenders in our two horse leadership race.

While settling down for Eurovision last night, I asked both if they were watching. Tim was going to watch with his family today as his kids are a bit too young to stay up that late. Norman was making his way back home after a day of campaigning in London. When that was established, I asked them a question of interest to many Liberal Democrats. Doctor Who – yes or no. Here are the responses in the order in which they were received:

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There’s a whole load of hat eating going on in the world

Paddy Ashdown will probably never live down his statement that he’d eat his hat if the exit poll was right. On Question Time last night, they made him actually do it. Sort of. Here’s the video, from the Telegraph:

He’s not the only one who has eaten a hat in the last day or so. Remember that nice Mike Beckett, candidate for Scarborough and Whitby whose cartoon we featured a couple of months ago? He had a bit of a special birthday during the election and decided to celebrate it with a hat-shaped cake.

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As if Scottish Labour weren’t in enough trouble….

This is what popped into my inbox at 13:34 this afternoon:

Labour 72 hours email

 

72 hours? That’s Friday! A bit late for those few Labour voters who remain to get to the polls. 

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